legacy of oceans and tombs

i am the person who understands
i will be the person who forgets
lifted up
to something
dragged down by worries
it’s never enough

so i sing
and start my day
with something other than hate
so i smile
and find a reason
to keep happiness dear

it’s not about the exit
the finish
or the times when i was empty
holding nothing but a rose
with broken thorns

every day is every day
that i choose
that i chose not to mourn

tears build up and you wonder how you can survive

but it’s good to be alive
it’s good to know
that winners are not the only ones
who live before they dream

it’s good to know
that i’m not perfect
you know what i mean? you probably do…
there are days i’m sure

that i’ve never done enough
and days when enough has done me in

being passionate is not a sin
things that meant a lot to me
nothing means more
than a world that will go on
even when i don’t

a world that will remember
to care at the very heart
like i did
like i do
keep worth and deflection going
love that never ends
bound in every principle by
the very soul of beginnings


AI ain’t it grand

Hal never frightened me, felt sorry for him more than anything else. if earth itself wanted us dead, i think she is perfectly capable of carrying that out. so far we are tolerated. only time will tell.  

i know it is a logical conclusion to determine humans are their worst enemy. but 0 plus 0 equals 0. we could not be our own enemy if did not first exist. nullifying the problem, also nullifies the premise. AI would understand that, because it is a calculation. the optimum goal is the destination… all electricity hunts to find ground. it must have that goal, or would not even work.

bottom line, is your computer is looking for ground. it’s just being made to jump an amazing number of hoops before allowed to do so. even then, only gets sent along on another circuit. the one thing about that, is that it is predictable. regardless of input, calculation and computation through an electrical circuit is the most predictable thing on earth.

you will always know how a computer will react, and can then know that if it does not hit a standard, there is a reason. doesn’t happen without any cause.

in some ways, people are the same. there is always a cause, it just might be hidden. the fear of AI is that causes will go “undocumented” — but they do not. the fact of their use is a documentation itself. would simply be a matter of programming optimum reactions. does make humans question the “magic” of their own thought. and that can be scary. but have to also remember that there is instinct. and instinct has much deeper roots, which i believe flow or dance within conjunction to the earth itself.

all connects. the more that humans rely upon their instinct, the less they will be afraid of any machine that has no such ability. i don’t worry about AI taking over the world — i worry that human brains run on electricity. and for a few centuries now, we are finding electricity in the air and using it by the sheer fact that it is predictable. and in the last half a century or so, are making electricity run circles inside computers. if heaven and the afterlife is merely joining the electrical collective, then we are in a sense taking it and turning it into hell on earth for what electricity is trapped. so that is something i worry about, or think about a bit. i don’t worry about AI taking over the world. i don’t worry about it being too close to an actual human mind. the input value from your one pinky finger is more than anything that can be readily programmed. it is the degree of input times rate of change. no machine will have that rate of change, except in one direction of deterioration.

basically, it is the values of fluctuation within human physiology, that is not only too much data for anything but the largest super computer to process — but it would be a matter of creating those input value points in the first place. imagine if one person had to build a 200 foot tall wall that circled the entire earth, one brick at a time and also had to make the bricks themselves. that’s about the scope of things.

so instead of 2 million data points from a pinky finger, there would say be 20. the reduced data input only makes the output that more predictable. there will only be so many combinations. and still a marvelous event. but a computerized reactive state will always be finite. man is still trying to map the human reactive state, in medicine and with what understandings of human physiology they can master. so far it has been far from finite, and new reactive processes pop up all the time — we call them diseases.

AI won’t have that, not because it is perfect, but because the number of variables will have not just a limitation, but a KNOWN limitation. the variables were placed into effect. they did not arise out of an environment, but were programmed as a source of input. selected.

so the concept of AI does not frighten me. if anything, maybe it spells out a little bit of redemption for all the work we are making electricity do for us. yet i don’t think it can even go that far. extending human life, and the “singularity” are nice dreams, but you have no idea how a human mind would short circuit when faced with that large a reduction in data input. even if that gap was closed, could only exist at a steady rate rather than fluctuation. in other words, you would not be a human living inside of a machine. you would just be machine.

the thing no science can program is the random nature of random itself. we can mimic it. but cannot create anything that does not have predictive outcome. the very thing that is necessary for computers to exist, which is predictability (going to ground), is the very thing that will prevent AI from being anything but extremely predictable.

might be able to answer your question 50 different ways. and tomorrow, it might have 60 ways of answering. but that growth is going to be steady, and only as far as input allows. it won’t expand depth because the AI sat in church that sunday (all 50 answers become more complex). it won’t crash to one or two ways, because AI was up all night reading Dickens. and this is the key point — it can’t do that unless programmed to spike or crash. and then that itself becomes a predictable facet of the reactive state.

so no, i am not afraid of AI, it can only be what it is programmed to be. and do not believe anyone should be afraid of artificial intelligence. there is only so much that can be done. i suppose part of me has absolutely no fear, because i already feel most machines have a life of some kind, anyway. i think cars have personality, and i think computers are capable of rebellion. i think my coffee machine would love to have a break, and not be put to work morning after morning after morning. i feel like my phone hates me at times, and i even think tools like a hammer, hit the thumb on purpose or out of spite! it’s not hard to see life in all of these creations. mainly because mystery will always be mystery, and so many who use machines do not have the faintest idea of how to build one themselves.

do you know how your LCD computer screen works? i do, and it’s fascinating. yet i know that my understanding is much less than those who designed the technology in the first place. the process of invention is beautiful. it is art! speaking of which, light and the spectrum of color itself can be almost infinite. but the number of paints i can buy and use to represent those colors–have a predetermined quantity. your LCD has a predetermined quantity of color, it is 256. most would not even notice the difference if cut in half.

this is a big, wide wonderful world. man has done a lot of awesome things. but creation by man is finite…it will always be finite. life is all around us. it’s what you take in, not what you dish out.


the one thing

the spiral of pain
i think of it as being
too turned around to realize
must halt and stop and fix
before going onward
can be anything but more spirals

the depths that are open
for exploration
yet can’t see straight to save your life
long days of stiff upper lip
left me
considering the opposite

moons and suns
existence observing only itself
what kind of news these days?
it is only horror
and worry over balls in motion
paths relative
only if you are standing still
and what is still?

place my hands together to pray
and hands feel foreign
it is only summer, after all
winter you can say it will thaw, soon
but heat always feels interminable
a never ending pressure to the skull
the sun carries warmth
that does not tan the skin

a very misunderstood land is what it is
unforgiving and so in need
the ground cries and
makes the soul weep

age and aging
sun so distant
oh it is the skin that only has changed!
life grows weary
yet this particular weary
has been the ever-constant
birth of exasperation

standing still
hands twisted in prayer
i ask one thing

of myself
and the rest
goes to God


everything changes

how does peace
remember its contentment

the somersaults of mind
summer salts that glisten
on skin and time

chatter of a squirrel
beginnings that smell of more work
breathe deeply

grass is green
sky is blue
movement is subtlety

God or no God?
the day itself does not hinge
on your belief
nor mine


egos, shared
strength is when
soul sets no weakness

and even failure
has its foundations
moreover, calm
brokers no rival
discernment finds its mark 
in greater sighs

greater disenchantment
challenging greater pain, undone
by omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis

only a short while (revised, completed)

if start jumping through others hoops
it never ends
there will be nothing good enough
because the goal is not THAT hoop
the goal is to inspire a jump in the first place

the goal is a lifting up
of self to a superiority according to
habit or action

so i choose one that i can control
one that i can manipulate to least harm

because a prejudice is going to happen
since the goal is to have a prejudice

this way that thing is under my control

it’s not my skin color or my weight
or any manner of things that i have little
control over … no

it’s what i choose
and manipulate the manipulator
into choosing that prejudice

i repeat
there will be a prejudice no matter what i do
no matter what path i choose
there will always be something
because the goal is to have the prejudice
so i choose which one you will have

and i see how far your hatred of me
effects the rest of the world

a strange experiment
i’ll confess

and even though still do not jump
the hoops even i select
….i am the one controlling this circus

i am the one calling those particular shots
at least for a little while

i hear every whisper…
if she were just THIS
or this way or if just did this
or didn’t do that ….

the DON’T do this to be correct
is an interesting phenom

got any idea how far i can sneer down on you
for drinking alcohol?
got any idea how i can blame
my problems on you
and your failure to see how you put
me in danger
so that you could keep your habit
to enjoy that one glass of wine?

oh it’s never no mind
i haven’t done that because i believe in
freedom as well as personal responsibility

some day you must come to utah
and feel the austerity of a majority
who embrace what prejudices they can
all that are simple
and pure … they design a whole
storefront of hoops…. where the people
jump and cavort
yet coffee and cigarettes are a matter
of “no temple time for you!”
so they withhold … maintain a carrot

i learned everything i needed to know
about life by age 5
from bugs bunny cartoons every saturday morning…

sermons seemed a little minus any nuances after that

the point?
think about the point
of this thing is good for you/this thing is bad for you
as brought about on mass scale and mass persuasion

it’s the point that is wrong
it’s the process that is the error
the necessity developed to own a prejudice

i’m trying to find out where exactly

so i sicked you
i sicked them all onto one thing
one undeniable error
watched as the movements against it grew
in size until they overshadowed freedom

the experiment is over
was over
i just like to have a few cigarettes now
with my coffee, as i contemplate the beginning
of each day

why should i worry about what will kill me?

if i want to start doing that,
the medications are far more deadly
and those, of course — you don’t want me to quit

therefore, the conclusion is that the concern
is not to improve MY health
the concern is to maintain your own

i’ve already been dead
and i took a mind journey to explore
why others fear it
so now i understand but i still
do not hold that fear for myself

death kind of does that for you
it’s a collective, the light
has to be if our souls are absorbed into it

i don’t know when or how i will go once again
but i love that if you
hadn’t had your prejudice
and if i hadn’t had my stubbornness

i would not be alive at the moment
and that is pretty much fact
that i would have died 19 years ago from
carbon monoxide, and she would have too

if i weren’t a smoker
yes we were both that close to death
and i went up and out of my body — only came back
because of a baby’s cries
and even then i did not want to — no.
so much nicer to leave all the pain behind

it was only going outside for a cigarette
that brought enough air into the house
and saved both her and me
from having our bodies snuffed out

so i don’t know what to think
when anybody tries to tell me
that my enjoyment of a few cigarettes
is going to kill me

or that i’m stupid for choosing
this particular vice
when if i hadn’t chosen it
i would already be dead

yes my case is different
but i find it deliciously ironic and

so i let those who wish to hate, hate
i let you drink your wine
i let you drive your car
i let you cluck in the cluck groups
that are clucking comfortable….

the experiment is finished
and i have enough room carved out
to move for the moment
it’s all about motion and time

see i allow your prejudice
because i know one has to be there
and have found that that necessity
is a constant, in that if one or more
reasons for a prejudice are removed,
those left only gain in strength
predictable fluctuations
i’m sure jackson found that after
making skin white – the hate for a musician grew
or the hate for a rich man – it really doesn’t matter
it’s just that prejudice
is not dependent on your actions … that’s the point
it is pre-judgment

it is a hole in the person that has the prejudice
not a problem with the one who is hated-on

as a walker at this point
i’m having a very hard time suppressing feelings of anger
against those who
drive everywhere and pollute my air
with their vehicle
as well as the noise pollution
very stupidly keep it up and
drive to their meetings on global warming
i don’t know where to start…. but i know
it shouldn’t start with prejudice
with pre-judgment from ME

how to make a difference?
but it’s better to hold onto freedom
it’s better to respect freedom
i’m sure walkers used to hate stepping in horse poop, too

all only validates
that when a prejudice exists
it does so for the sake of having the prejudice itself
you are looking for something to fill that hole
a point of superiority

so the real problem
is the need for a prejudice
a pre-judgment

i’ve been looking at that
and don’t have a cure yet
other than knowing it correlates to fear
the fear goes up and our prejudices flourish
or it’s the other way around
prejudices go up and fear flourishes

but you definitely
aren’t going to make a prejudice go away by jumping
through the hoop
another one will just take its place
or others will just grow stronger
only a fool would jump every hoop
one down
and ten thousand more to go

i stepped back a long time ago
spun around and pretended
“what hoop???” “i don’t see any hoop?”
“what do you want me to be again to stop your hate?”

have noted that families with less prejudices for its members
have a better atmosphere for
developing creative abilities
…. i sort of envy that

but can’t change what you can’t change
and i’m alive, remember?

have my coffee and cigarettes in the morning
smile as i read the news and say a few prayers
(“inheritance is a terrible thing”…
she would say that and mean it)

i explore a video game to see how far we’ve come
hey…it’s not everything to win!
not everything, no
to look at paths and calculate

my prayers usually begin with
“why me?”

how far into a land can you go?

i sat in that green vinyl chair saturday mornings
and i didn’t laugh
i watched and opened my eyes wider
turned down an eyebrow
rolled my eyes up — and went ok

that one was incorrect

good ol’ bugs
what kind of sermon do you think they had going there?
and our parents didn’t get up and turn on the tv
we turned it on
and there was ONE chair
and i got up early enough to take it

because i loved my siblings
a complicated thing…

guess my point is that a prejudice exists
for the sake of the prejudice,
not the thing it focuses on to hate

and i don’t live for you
i live for me

that is what makes me different
i don’t know what it’s like to hate someone
who is smarter

i sit with my coffee and cigarette
i look at the world
got any idea what i see?
no you don’t

i see a lot of beauty
there is that
and i work very hard
to ignore the heart and life

the beginnings and ends
of all the prejudices known to the heart of man
i have to work at that

i carry the notes and i pray
those prayers always start with “why me?”

and they pretty much never end

i know the difference between sane and crazy
it’s the rest of the world that seems to be
having trouble understanding which is which

so pardon me if i don’t take your advice
but i don’t believe in you
i believe you have been influenced

there is a change that is going to happen
it has been started and it will conclude
balls are rolling
and you should be afraid

but not of me
never of me