Every Now and Then

Every now and then I wonder
Every now and then I see
Every now and then I look away
When you look right at me…

It’s a shame we aren’t forgiven
For all the things we’ve never done
All the hopes we’ve never shared
All the games we’ve never won

Every now and then I wonder
Every now and then I see
A light ahead
A darkness
A journey just for me

There’s no sin for being worthless
For there’s nothing left to prove
There’s no heart that can’t be broken
There’s no love that’s always true

Though I try to see the dawn
Up there ahead it’s kind of faint
There will be an answer soon
Where soon forever paints … the sky a deeper blue
A striking red! A hit
Of colors, flaming
through the next day … After you went away
Now gone

I only sing my song to fly
I only worship open skies
Then ask myself …

Every now and then I wonder
Every now and then I see
Has it mattered … does it matter
What is best for me?
Has it mattered
Does it matter?
What is best for me …

Every now and then
I’m jealous
Of the River that meets the Sea


Possible adverse effects of an overly-imaginative youth

So my hypothesis goes ……..

What IF the facet of imagined emotive response — REPLACES the active sector of REAL emotive response. In that, if a child FIRST learns about anger through imagination — the feeling is imagined BEFORE it is actually felt — then DOES that imagined responsive process supplant any actual response that might have occurred.

So am looking at this as a possible root for illogical and contrary responsive processes — as opposed to the root being only group-think or simply following a process of expectations.

And in tandem with this hypothesis, then — would be the social manipulation involved with gravitating toward experiencing emotive states that align more truly — MORE. For example, if the emotive response of love as IMAGINED, is far off the track from what an actual and untainted response would be — and the emotive response of hate as imagined, is CLOSER or more in line with what an actual and untainted response would be …………. then ………. conceivably there would be a gravitating or inclination to experience HATE more than LOVE, because it would conceivably “feel better” to be more in alignment with reality.

OR …. if hate or anger is EXPERIENCED …. BEFORE it is imagined. Such as a spank on the bottom of a baby right after it is born. THEN that emotive response is hardwired with reality — versus emotive responses like romantic love, that are often imagined first.

My purpose in looking at this, is to enhance the perspective of social engineering for the determination of inadequacies that lead to facets of social chaos and social vulnerabilities that lead to instigation of targeted propaganda. In other words — to stop the chains that are getting yanked.

With greater communications and interactions, those yankings are happening at faster and faster rates ……… and we need to think LIKE THE ORIGINAL builders of our social systems, in order to repair them.

Sometimes it takes a house falling on you

I’m pretty sure it was my hips all along. Of course, I’m racking my head for other variables that underwent any changes.

I stopped smoking this month — so there is that. I used a different, super cheap brand of sugar that actually clumps like how sugar used to be back in “the day.” But trying to investigate whether sugar manufacturers add a coating of some kind now to prevent clumping — has proved impossible.

Since I’m on the last bag of the old-fashioned sugar, the difference of returning to the current sugar should either confirm or eliminate that variable as a causal agent.

With the smoking, there is some data regarding how tobacco smoking effects bone structure and regeneration. But the data is so extremely slanted AGAINST tobacco, the data is rendered useless. Left with no choice but to place in “there may or may not be an effect” category. I can tell spin when I see it … one of my oddball talents.

So I don’t have much to go on, other than some new exercises I developed myself to reseat my leg bones into the hip better. And the consequences, which is that almost ALL of my backpain is gone. Not only that, I no longer experience pain while standing.

Which I can’t tell you how long it has been …..

over a decade. Maybe two. Where standing for any length of time becomes very painful and I have to shift from leg to leg. Where just going for walks becomes an endurance contest. And how I don’t want to become completely immobile, and so have incorporated walking as part of my way of life. You sort of figure that if it hurts THAT much, then sitting and avoiding using the legs is going to make it worse and worse and more and more painful.

So I have kept going. And I have lived in pain. Lots of pain — always. Maybe a day or two once a month where my mind seemed to rise above and give me a half-way decent day. That was always rare.

And my back is a mess … physically, I have recent MRI’s that show how bad off. Herniated discs, and not just one. Several, in the lower back.

But I’m pretty sure now that all of the issues and problems WITH the back were first caused by slight hip displacements. Or what is called subluxation –in contrast to dislocation.

So it is either that … or the person who has my voodoo doll has died suddenly and is no longer sticking pins in it.

I should note that the improvement happened with the exercises, and the stopping smoking was 2 weeks before that. And the change in type of sugar was a month before that.

So it all lines up more with the new exercises I have developed to adjust my thigh bones into my hip ……….. the hip bone’s connected to the, leg bone. the leg bone’s connected to the, knee bone.

Some times there’s a reason to the various rhymes. Or songs. Everything is connected. Sometimes what is wrong with the back is not IN the back, but the foundation it rests upon.

And I couldn’t tell you how many doctors over the years — how many took xrays and did thousands and thousands of dollars worth of diagnostics with no results or improvement in my physical ability. I had to quit working side jobs, part-time work I would get to earn some extra money. I had to learn to exist solely on my social security. That wasn’t easy, though all in all it has been a good lesson.

The end result is I’ve learned to be frugal. And I’ve sort of counted my blessings, and the days when things hurt a little less– so I could enjoy life a little more without it feeling like an uphill battle.

Now all that …….. dissolved. The headaches … gone. The back hurt … gone. I can walk as much as I need … and I know this is ironic … but what it means is that I can sit as much as I like now. I don’t HAVE to keep moving to keep from having worse issues. I can relax. I can go when I need. I don’t even require HOURS of prep time to get ready and feeling well enough to go anywhere.

And I don’t know what to think of any of it.

Before bed, I bend my knees a bit, and place my hands on my upper thighs, fingers inward. And I put every bit of my weight on my upper legs/femur. It’s a lot of weight. Pushing down like you would to close a suitcase or something — but it’s on your legs.

I also, during the day, put one leg up against the wall — sort of like doing the splits. Put the foot about 3 to 4 feet high on the wall while bracing the other side … and push. All kinds of things pop, then. The knee pops, I’ll sometimes hear a pop in the hip.

The end result of these exercises is that my BODY SIGHS.

Have no other way to explain it. It’s the same sensation as when my arm was broken last summer, and when I finally decide to splint it, my BODY SIGHED. And I fell right asleep.

So anyway ……. that’s what’s going on with me. How are you?

I sure hope others with some back pain read this, and maybe get some good info from it for their own help and relief. With as many people as have back issues when they start getting older, it might be a good thing for society to awake to the fact that ……….. the leg bone connects to the, hip bone … the hip bone connects to the back bone ….. and hear the word of the Lord!

Yea, it makes sense that the foundation needs to be solid, or the walls are going to crumble. Wish I’d thought of it sooner.

It still might all be because of using a different sugar. I doubt it, but I keep things like that in mind. Keep life a little mysterious.

But for the most part ……. for the most part ……. Doc Me believes that in 2003 when it appeared that my back went out, and I had to crawl to the kitchen from the bedroom to make my coffee — it wasn’t my back that was out, even though it was the back that hurt. It was the hip that was out.

And that is why the back hurt most when I walked, but not only when I walked. I could no longer lie on my back in bed — had to lie on my side or stomach. Even though that made my breathing worse. So having the hips not correctly in place caused a sleep apnea as well, reducing nightly oxygen levels. All leading to a sense of malaise that fluctuated according to activity levels and how far out of adjustment the bones into the hip joint were.

In 2013, when I used a back brace to be able to go on walks at all — I ended up with numb toes. They are still numb to this day. I basically forced my back into a position that could function, at least for awhile — with the out-of-place hips. With the bad foundation.

Anyway ……… I’m just trying to explain, and I hope it doesn’t sound completely nuts. I really do. But you can’t imagine what it is like to stand and do dishes ……. just doing dishes and not feel like it is an endurance contest. It’s so weird — and amazing.

But also I am highly puzzled why any of us …. why anybody can go to doctor after doctor after doctor and get dozens of xrays and MRI’s and everything else ………… without a single one, not one —– having a look at the hips and considering what might actually be causing problems.

Though I myself feel kind of stupid for not thinking of it sooner. In my defense, it’s hard to think straight when life is constantly about overriding pain. Constantly about rising above and putting your essence somewhere away from your physical body. Constantly out there … somewhere.

So I’m good.

I don’t know what I’ll do next. Maybe go to Disneyland?

The science of Sounds and Grunts

The best way to understand English
Is to realize it’s not about meaning of words

English is grunts.

Think of all the vowel sounds,
and some of the consonant ones like S and TH
as grunts

and there are more than one sound per letter on vowels
has what we call long and short — germans have umlats

the meaning or “grunt” is the actual meaning of the word

so when someone says, “that SUCKS!” they aren’t saying it pulls on something

they are using the vowel sound of UGH … yuck ….putz …stuck … muck

duck? maybe too much duck poop at one point

so English has meaning that is not randomly assigned to the terms,
but gains much of meaning through use, or the grunt factor

we grunt “Aye!” in agreement ……… Aye Aye!!! comes with a yes meaning for that sound

bye sigh why my die lie ……… they are all absolutes

I know it’s hard to accept, and I’ve never before heard anyone state this,
but English at its foundation is grunting at each other.

RRRRRRR sound … is an anger sound.

Our use of language, is why I don’t find the “coming from apes”
part of evolution very implausible

because we grunt like apes at each other, in English

and you know, how some people speak, and it just rubs you the wrong way?

that’s because some of their grunts are inverted, probably due to location
or exposure to a cultural change of some kind

so i ended that last line with “i” …….. it means: YES!

dum de dum in the WH ends his tweets with “Sad!”

the sort of short E sound …… what is that in grunts?

“THERE!!!! THERE!!! or in spanish — ESTA!!!

that one …………….. pointing out a problem

you have to respond, yes, get them … or no, that’s not it.

so it’s complex … but it’s not


English is just a language that developed WITH the inbuilt grunts of meaning, not despite of it.

Short “I” — the small-range yuck sound.

Why this information is handy ……. is because the most important part of poetry is always the close.

the last thing said before expecting response.

what KIND of grunt you use at the ending — effects the selection of response

Hissing noise ……. the “S” sound … spitting — anger

it’s not hard

But it becomes so incredibly insane in the outcomes, with expectations for response …that
you cannot imitate american english, no matter how well you use it

there is no way for a foreign person to process the grunts fast enough
to realize the correct grunt reply — or to understand how those cliches
match geographic and timelines

therefore …….. i’m calling it a day

“hey — long A — eyyyy” means “let it be so”

“oh … yo… mow … go” means “now i see”

there is an underlying code of language
the grunts of meaning


made so that you can say something ……
can say whatever …. and that’s not what you really mean

“E … long E …. eeeeee … tree … bee … me” means THIS THIS –here here — or food here

which considering we made the self designation as ME … is a little disturbing 🙂

i’m not sure how i know the grunting sounds ………. might be from watching too much tarzan
which would make it a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of observation, but for one thing:

when i worked at the hospital
and a patient lost their speaking ability due to a stroke
they could still grunt

and i could interpret the grunts
i was the only one that could

but they were there
the foundation of meaning hardwired into the brain

think about it

(short “I” sound means ….)

this is what is meant by phonetics, btw
how sound and meaning have a connection beyond singular designations of meaning for terms

there is a collective meaning

according to the grunts

“U … uh … dumb … plumb” means the punch to gut or the belch

then when you get into the higher language, of better literature … the grunts disappear.
in some sense, it’s more complicated without the grunt running through it. as a separate code.
you must have the actual meanings memorized in a usable format with a foundation of several hundred working terms

but in some ways … in some ways … the use of direct-term meaning (minus grunts) is boring
is LESS complex — and there that is why it puts you to sleep

that is why some teachers put you to sleep
and some wake you up and become invigorating to hear

it’s why there are degrees of what is and is not interesting

and it’s why …. it’s why ………. language and English can be far more intriguing than math

think about it

i have

life is too short

“Or … more … sore … bore” means “of course” or “certainly”

and don’t tell me this is crazy

or even think this is crazy ……. i’ve thought about this a long time
that patient
where i could understand her when no one else could?

i was a young woman preggers with my daughter ……

preggers = pregnant ………. why preggers? why indeed

“A … short A ” means “THERE! THERE!” and “RRRRR … RRRR…” means what? Anger

in changing the word pregnant to the word preggers — it went from excitement to upset

and that, my friends — is how english is built and grows
it’s how we work the code
and how the various layers create almost a live creature

stretching and moving and becoming a mirror image
of the people it occupies

Peace … Love … and Mock and Dole 🙂 (AHHHH OHHHHH …. uh oh –you’re in trouble) that’s a duel-grunt. we have those, too
My my

finish lines

today i am reminded how it is necessary

to examine a premise

so often the trick of arguing a point
so often the goal

is not the point
the goal is to receive an acceptance of the premise

a supposed reality that forms the foundation

but may not be true at all
“how do we stop boys from being bad? maybe they should go to church more.”

so you are then discussing if children need to go to church
based on the premise that “boys are bad.”

you just accepted a reality or truth … and that “truth” skirted all discussion.

it’s an old trick … i’m sure there is even a name for it somewhere

a kind of bait and switch

one that mr. Twit uses all the time

con artists
flim flam athletes

when the premise is wrong
you’ll get this nagging feeling
and argue against the second point even if it makes sense
and then will be in a position of opposed
which then carries forward in decisions

it’s all quite mad … yes.

rhetorical criticism is a rough sport

a tradition of persuasion and profitability

truth becomes secondary and beliefs are sculpted

but there is one way to nip in the bud
on the premise
“why…..why why why why ……..
why do you think boys are bad?”

go to the premise
because an hypothesis is not a theory
and a theory is not a fact

and a fact is not belief

manipulation is how you should sell shoes
it’s not how you should sell ideas

“rich people should learn compassion”

why … why are rich people not compassionate?
ARE they not compassionate?

what is rich?

what is wealth … in a world where
he who has the most toys when he dies, wins?

is win a goal? or is there no end

to goals and deliverance