stacked and fueled

it feels like the end of the world was yesterday
and today doesn’t know what to be
if feels like i forgot who i am
but doesn’t matter because who is counting, anyway?
feels like nothing will go right
so right has to be wrong
but then what became of wrong?
wrong is the nothing
mired in forgetful nonsense
on the edge of the universe….

it feels like a swirl of chaos has captured my feet
and i have no knees left to pray
it feels like everything i liked is a shadow of stupidity
like the next pass is the last chance
and no ring is going to fix this ride….

it feels like i told you a million times
…life is what you make it
but what if we run out of legos?
there is cream for the coffee
there is coffee for the coffee
roof is not leaking for a change
and i ran out of excuses

in the dark
life is a swirling vortex of might-have-beens
it feels like the last scoop of ice cream
that’s not even homemade

it feels like i will beat every demon
because there aren’t any demons
it is all here
all an essence of

just me
sitting in my chair wondering
why i bother to hope

and what has hope done to kill
it all turns around right
thank God for a Keel
i am not ashamed and some day
living with that will count

outside of how everyone feels…
best is yet to come
right around the corner we have deliverance
but it’s not mystery
it’s not something never seen before

repetitive betterment
it’s the mundane
the everyday wade through piles
of memories and designed regrets
it feels like no amount of wishing

ever got me more wishes


never seen kabam

i’m not going to hate myself anymore
life gives me lemons
i’ll squish and leave at your door

for the party is calling
the new wave is done
and next time i’m falling
i’ll hit wider things than the sun

hey at the apex
ground to the top
there’s a bigger notion
on hippity hop hop

the spy is dead
the ground is worried
for no one rests their head
no, not anymore…..anymore

find me in your truth
and i’ll hold every door
cut across what it’s not even for

dying in a night
for living in the dark
the bright signs of redeemed

never meant that much to me
i’ll take my lumps
a few sugars at a time

mix them up with lemons
you bring the lime

and we’ll toast
“despite it all!” for all
has been the worst

days around me crawl
forever bursts
and never hurts

do not hold it all inside
they say
but where to put the moat?
i seldom ever gloat

come take me home and home
to me is where someone left smiles
to be
written on and purged
beside the barest urge
of opulence

these rule the beast
and we might talk him dead

best is best
and seldom do the best
forget their head?

their skirt
their hope to muddle through

all sound and wary day!
oh merry say!
i was confused
but not from paths
oh no
never –it is the rest
(the rest of them, the THEY!)
not getting how the sun

a sun it never sets!

it smashes through
time into dark of second best
of wide a mark and never due

take 10 worries as you like
the morning strikes!
a fit holds hundreds tight
i knew it all

but chose to see in only
smallest doses –rich mediocrity!
no sadness borne for good or end

stand back my friend!
i’m coming through!
if i should step on lemons
slip and slide
oh my we’ll merely make a pie
and bury i and u

sing for dessert
a final verse
to laugh until all crying’s done
we could be worse

it is enough
enough is me
will settle for the thought
spun and looked upon

don’t break the sun!
it cracks posterity

life simply was
and all we have are pockets full
of maybe and because

well one last thing
i always thought the hope for king
was poor
and poor was sad
down to my very bones
i have this ache

that tells me tomorrow is new


say it isn’t grow

that’s an interesting thought
person, place, or thing (noun)
the identification of

yet the malady is not a verb
it isn’t the action or being acted upon
it becomes a thing

does making a cold
a fever
the noun
something to HAVE

does that create a more generalized
acceptance of diagnosis?

then moved onto people themselves
being labeled after their malady
you are a diabetic
you are mentally ill
you are autistic

acceptance of a state
as a thing

a thing you can HAVE
or a thing to be
…… prejudgment?

you can have a fever
but you are not a fever
you can have a headache
but you are not a headache
(well, some of us are)

a symptom you have
a disease
used to be that it was something to have
but now more and more you are
the thing that inflicts

a finality to being the illness
it is not being acted UPON
it is stasis
a part of consequence
a finality of inevitability
determined by medicine (how powerful
do we want body fixers to BE)

does that mean no longer
a human WITH
a fever
a cold

you are a fever
you are a headache…..
(well that can happen)

perhaps we let language decide too many things

perhaps a person, place, and thing
should remain

more of the reality

i have a need (to write, to live)
or is need something
that has me
that acts upon me?

is fear something you have
or is fear something that has you?

a fear of
the fear of
gripped by fear

always a struggle
this thing, language

yet it is not a thing
it is something we do
to one another?

or something
that molds a collective vision
language is direction

are we going the right way
one of these things is not like the other
identification of good
warding of bad

when it comes to
noun verb adjective adverb
structure created to be ignored

good will to man
inclusive fitness…. term used for ants
thinking best for the self
or best for the whole

in language have we become problematic
how much is said without saying anything

i am fear
i am chances

going forward is staying in place
some part of you has to stay in place
to remember

the best way to be found is to sit still
but who is looking
but who is hunting

who is need?

WP_20150318_15_28_43_Pro 1

finger licking adequate

i am a sad human being
i hate how i prefer to take the stage
i hate how i turn the subject back around to ME
what IS that?
consumed with self-example
i hate that i look at a hole in a sock
and think “that figures”
i hate how i put things off until
am rushing – because rushing means importance
and i KNOW that
yet time and again…
i hate that i worry more on how i am seen
than how others see themselves
i hate that compliments leave me
not knowing what to say
i hate that i feel i am best at doing everything
don’t ask questions
because of course i know the answers
i hate that my eyes are crooked
that i don’t understand why i hide
in pretending that i’m pretending
i hate that i could never really make others PROUD
yet overflow with pride and self-righteousness
i hate that i will give up and just leave
start fresh and try again
because again is something i’m good at…

what i love
is that i don’t feel guilty at night
when close my eyes and smile at another day
gone by and quietly disintegrating…
i don’t hate that i actually see people
instead of labels and that i consider
one soul the same as the next

i like that i’m a little bit stubborn
ok, a lot stubborn
because it takes so much to adjust
every stack of electrical blips in memory
decided as ‘perfect’
right …. i do hate that i have to be right
not so much for the being
but for the hope to gain in integrity

i hate that when grandma and i drove
all the way to L.A. to go to the La Brea Tar Pits Museum
and i had a paper due later that week for art class
it was my fault
to the letter always being my stupid self

so i hate that the museum was closed
and we laughed, anyway… went to KFC
which was just plain kentucky fried chicken
and we brought it back to the tar pits
sat on the benches
looking at the mammoths

sinking in their tar

i hate that i felt badly for them
that i felt more like them every day
wondering when the tar would swallow me

we finished the chicken
i couldn’t tell her i was dropping the class, anyway
art APPRECIATION? was all about memorizing
memorizing names, memorizing styles
(names and styles were posted with paintings, don’t they KNOW?)
for what? a teacher makes a difference

and i don’t remember what grandma said that day, specifically
she spoke on how life gives you disappointment
and you just roll with it — something like that
but i remember the sun was out
and i remember we forgot to get napkins
i remember we knew how to laugh together…

sitting in a park in the middle of L.A.
an old woman
and a young woman
two people who always knew who they were

…. but kept going anyway


economics of minimum wage #minimumwage

Wallstreet is gambling. It is betting on companies and corporations like they were horses. And in the same way Vegas rakes in the money from gambling, so does Wallstreet. House always wins…

Good or bad? Income disparity is bad due to direction more than amounts. So numbers needed are the progression of disparity over time. Which I think I’ve seen a chart on that and it doesn’t look good. House always wins, but the gambling used to bolster industry. Real miracle is that it hasn’t fallen flat more often than it has? Investment is respected, yet no different than millions sitting at a black jack table. No different than lotteries used to support schools. I don’t know what to think of any of it anymore. Definition of gambling is to rob Peter to pay Paul.

Government spending more than it takes in is simply a progression of tactics up the ladder. In the same breath, should be saying no one and absolutely no one should be taking out a mortgage for buying a home. Do you make changes from the top down, or the bottom up?

Main problem with less$ among the greater numbers, means less purchasing (except food, why do you think WalMart branched into groceries?) and less purchasing means less support for those industries that are racing each other on Wallstreet. So like everything in life, it is the balance. Keeping the ship afloat. I think asking if the ship is worthy to set sail is impossible at this point, our grandfathers and great grandfathers decided that for us….? Was minimum wage a good decision? Probably. So we either back it (with adequate increases) or we don’t.

Minimum wage was a joke when I was a teenager. It didn’t stand for the best amount to have a “living” wage. It stood for the very least amount an employer had to pay its employees. And was sign of how strong the company is, with a better wage meaning you might keep your job longer because the company might stay in business longer. When it’s all said and done, it doesn’t matter how much money anybody takes-in, if they don’t learn how to spend it wisely. But what does that mean?

So are looking at a two-pronged approach: Increases to minimum wage. And REAL economics taught as low as the grade school level.

Don’t assume your child is going to learn how to spend money, by taking that dollar and buying a piece of candy. Because it’s not just math. It’s economics and economics is about balance.

On the same post/thread where I started this writing, one person is telling another they should write a book on “getting ahead.” *big huge sigh* Grandmother used to call that the “get rich quick idiots.” Can you get rich quick? Yes – but generally not without losing integrity along the way. You watch the patterns come and go. Anyone who has stayed up late to see the infomercials, after the target-audience that doesn’t have a job to go to in the morning — well, they are of course geared to profit the one SELLING the ideas. And that of course, ties into the main structure of a pyramid scheme.

Pyramid scheme is a little like what everything is “stuck into” right now. There were those who set the pattern as two pyramids, touching at their tops. As it is above so it is, below. What is the scramble all about? Generally speaking, the initiation of this economic pattern is what gave a “boost” to the U.S. to protect itself in time of need. Now we are trying to decide what to do with our super surplus of gigantic super rocket fuel.

And how the INDIVIDUAL gets to live, is the bottom line. If you lose that, you’ve lost the purpose.

On a different, sort of spiritual note…. have you ever noticed the difference between walking into an economically sound home, verses a non-economically sound home? A person might have all the latest furniture, the newer tract home or even a mansion, and you can FEEL the edge of the cliff that it all stands on. Whereas you can enter what amounts to a shack, and detect how stable it is. Or the opposite. Though I must say that more “mansions” feel unstable than just a typical middle class home.

I don’t know why this is, I just know that I can tell the difference. Maybe it has to do with being able to “smell” desperation. I don’t know. But have always known, that it’s not how much money you have, its what you do with it. And money itself is abstract, it is an idea. A concept. Concepts come and go, and they change shape as well as definition.

What it’s about is that stability. What it’s about is having a home that doesn’t teeter on a cliff. If more would focus on that, rather than what we have always called the rat race, the pursuit of happiness might be a real thing.

We also say money can’t buy happiness, then turned around and used the saying to mean the opposite. Yet the truth is that there is living large, and living small. There is focus on the self, and there is focus on the whole. Balance. Where we have the signs and symbols of that all around us. A child is much more likely to learn what a fulcrum is, before they learn economics. I myself preferred to stand on the fulcrum, while other kids played on the teeter totter. And I would balance the weight, to either side, so it would give them a less jarring up and down.

So what is minimum wage? Something that steadies things a bit. You can also work at a fulcrum to make nobody go anywhere. That has to be understood, and real projections need to be made. Hit and miss experimentation done city by city, is a little infantile. Sit down with the numbers, and make a decision.

As for the get rich quick, telling someone they should write a book and sell their ideas, is not a compliment. it is saying your approach is not getting you ahead far enough, so should feed it to the gullible bottom fish to raise yourself higher on the pyramid. can you blame people for scrambling? not really. whole thing is based on need. and the perception of need is just as strong as actual need.

up and down
up and down
where does the ring around the rosie
go next

the tie that binds
the standing in lines
dependence is simply a bet?

how will it come
to wide, better ends
where only a buffalo roams
as your pets
and the great open skies
within clean crisper air
says all that it needs to say

for always and ever a hope will be there
while children can laugh as they play

how to compete
how to be sure
my darlings… i never knew
because life isn’t hard if you smile
at the source
and give what you can to the crew

we all had our answers
all had our go
what can you say for yourself?
if the self never knows….

take the time to be happy
the hope to be sad
and all actions that tender
the good with the bad

not much to believe in
not much to repeat
a dawn of next days is a dawn

a cycle that brings us
back to square one
might all build a house
with a lawn

day hasn’t ended
night’s not that bad
in the end what you have
is had