life in the fast lane of a deity cloned through pride

oh, gone over it a million times:
is there a God, or isn’t there a God?

no control group
i agree with that
would have to compare and contrast
a world known to not have a God
with a world known to have a God

so next best thing is to test your own worlds
with a belief in God
and without a belief in God

so that’s what i did
but even so
can only decide for myself
if life is better WITH a belief in God
or WITHOUT a belief in God

it’s true that you can decide to not carry
a belief in God
all day long … and when disaster strikes,
(such as an earthquake or some event completely
outside of human control)
then might … or many often do
come to complete belief in God very quickly!

the fox-hole effect.

i believe much of life is inevitable.
you can believe all day long that you will never age
and yet …….. you do! so whatever i decide to believe
is not going to impact the reality

God does not need my belief to exist. i think that’s
the most important realization.

there are pluses and minuses to life with belief
and life without belief

i do think it is a fallacy to see belief in God as a weakness…

it can be.
but it’s not a direct correlation
and not evident — in that some of the strongest
people i have ever known, had a great deal of faith

and not the blind sort, but the kind of faith
that spells out home…

i don’t believe in a God that grants my wishes,
and rains fire down out of the sky when i’ve been ‘bad’

i just don’t. i don’t think it works that way.

whatever “mystery” that rules and reigns the happenstance
of mankind and his existence on earth… my beliefs are not the end-all:
i don’t think
things hinge on my part, my smallness.
they can’t – for impact of one human
is according to their impact, not the human.

people try to make little changes
often just a wish for everyone to get along
to see the good in others
to know the good in themselves….

is God a witness to that? i don’t expect reward
i think that if you need reward for doing good, then
something is wrong in you
…..have to see the world as a whole with others
and others who have needs, too

the reward
has to be the good things itself

look at it, and humble yourself
not necessarily to a God that is going to punish you
if you don’t do good — but one who knows you
want to do your best.

i don’t know if there is a God or not,
never did! can’t know, all i can know
is if i do or do not believe in something
beyond my understanding. and how can i not do that?

i don’t understand a lot of things
and many things that i do believe exist, are not
visible to my own senses
many things in science are based on explanations
that change over time because the understanding grows

which means nobody knows it all or has answers
so i don’t know if God exists. i know i NEED God, sometimes.
i know that sometimes God is not there, because
my mind isn’t working right and i can’t imagine the next day,
let alone any power somewhere out there…

away from me, and my small problems

belief is often used as a point of commonality

we don’t want to exist among the stranger
how can you know what they will do, if they
are not in sync with your beliefs?

and that’s the point …..

why not let them surprise you?

some of the best people doing good in the world have absolutely no belief in God,
and what kind of God would hate them for it?
what kind of judgement of anyone, can be based
on what they think they know regarding things that nobody can know?

so i look at God as the part of life
that is there no matter what i believe or don’t believe

i see God in the motion
the dance
the pattern … not the elements
that twirl

but you don’t have to believe that
you get to believe whatever you want

and if and when you believe you have freedom
when you believe you have freedom
enough to exercise freedom
of belief, and harness your right to look at the world
in the way it presents itself to you …..

then that is home.

i don’t need people to agree with me
though i do often feel i just don’t express
things well enough to be understood

every feels that way, sometimes
like no matter what, nobody is going to understand
nobody! not a one can live inside the you
the being
the eternal self that is known
best according to memory and only that

and so a God — any God that knows you
that you feel can see and understand the fullness
of your trials — your hardships — well, that is
then why God is there

and no one can say He/She isn’t

that’s why personal belief and a belief held in common
are what the issues hang on
and power — people that lead, while others follow

follow example, follow a life
because there is something about that life you envy
or respect
or want to see happen for yourself

it is the mystery that draws
the greatest leaders have mystery all about them

even learn how to encourage mystery, how to appear mysterious

the whole game that has enshrouded religion
from the start? pretty much

i never believed in religion. could run the odds
on percentage possibilities that a specific belief
that contradicts another belief — is correct. it’s
just not feasible that MY religion is correct and everyone
else is wrong ……. couldn’t ever see it that way.

so i kind of disqualifies me for being considered a
religious person … except that i think when a collective
focuses on doing good, then a lot of good gets done.

and that’s what i care about. you can believe all day
that a God watches over you, but if your world has hurt, and
injustice, and oppression, and unfairness, and simply people
or animals in constant and dire need … then
there is something wrong there that your belief
in God is not fixing ………..

it’s all balance
perception ….. the way to see the self,
as opposed to others. as opposed to the world.

having the belief in God gives a comfort, but also
it is a challenge to then redefine
within a principal of never knowing the mind of God.

and that is where humility is granted. humility is a state
of insignificance that leads to peace. trying to be important,
or think of oneself as important — rarely turns out well.

i don’t know why. maybe that is how God punishes, when you try
to build up that ego or sense of self-importance. the idea of
being a God, yourself. i’ve looked at that too, because
in the psych business it is called a God complex, or a Jesus complex.

and the problem with many who believe in God, is they see it
as they are God that controls. internalize, and function on
a belief that everything they desire is what happens when
the “right” choices are made

and i don’t believe in that. i think that choices are not
right or wrong, but either instructive or not-instructive.
something can be against the law, can be against state
or religious law
…. so we have boundaries

of acceptable and unacceptable actions.

most are for living with others in an harmonious fashion

eh …………..point is that man rights law
and man makes up religion
and God talking to man mostly means that man
is playing a con, or has some mental issues

but the dance ……. the reaction TO the bible,
that is God. i have no delusions on the extent to
how far one man will go to fool another

lol…. has bitten me in the ass many times in my life.

trust is something you lose gradually, until you forget
what it is. but faith in others, is what community is about

whether it’s religious community, or topographical, or
similarities held in common, or even choices that
lead to meetings and interaction with others…..

so my understanding is that you find faith in your friends
and faith in family, if you’re lucky

and faith in God? that depends on how much you trust
life to not hit you upside the head

once you’ve been hit a few hundred times, your faith is not
in a God of protection

it’s not even in a God that gives good company …. no

i guess from being an artist — my faith is in the beauty
in looking outward and seeing the gorgeous dance
of people and plants and animals and the earth waters
and streams and life … everywhere becoming one thing
while remaining another …….. on the way to
more adventure than anyone can name

my God is a God who loves adventure
who explores life with me, through my eyes
and most importantly — through a heart that
only beats because so many …… so very many….
beat before it.

i don’t know if there is a God — but if there is,
then i have known a very wonderful thing in this life.

and if there is not, then i have imagined a very wonderful thing.

either way — it’s wonderful
either way, the important thing is not my belief or periods of disbelief
has my experience made me a kinder person? no
but it has given me an understanding why people sometimes fail to be kind

and my judgement — my judgement isn’t what matters
helps to listen to the thoughts of others
and if it’s all about you, then you can’t hear them

also … the relating to other human beings is only
this one, small pie-slice of life. maybe 20%?
the rest is how you navigate the environment,
and find what suits yourself best

or how everything becomes self-defeating
all the effects that make you the cause that you are …
that is what i think of as God

a mind much larger and more intricate, and running
through and in all life

so the last thing God is, to me, is a man on a throne
impressed with humans that kneel and kiss a royal behind…

but i bow my head and pray
yea, i do
because you can close out the world
and search in that other realm … the one that
tells you that you actually are the real person
that you know yourself to be — not the reactions of
other people to the person they perceive

i guess what is weird, is that i don’t need to believe
what others around me believe — trust my own senses best
always … always.

so they can belief what suits and what helps, unless …
big unless here …… that belief infringes on the freedom
of another to have a belief in their own experience.

i guess that comes down to being ‘right’ about things
and i wonder about that often … as an artist, you look
at something as fundamental as colors — and contemplate how
nice it would be to have a few more.
ones that don’t exist. see… i can imagine that

because i know the finite nature of colors

and IF you perceive the continual finite …. that is a type
of mental prison. there has to be an ‘infinite’ … a mystery,
a wonder and a sense of that which expands outside of vision, but
also outside of personal comprehension.

so does God exist?

well ………. i think there is an awful lot of love in this world.

there is also an awful lot of hate and deception. manipulation.

religion is the ultimate manipulation … there is no doubt that it isn’t

but God? oh ….. i think that if a “being” of some sort is in charge
of my fate, and the fate of everyone — then none of us would be very free.

i also think that we make decisions
that are often predictable — often countered.

if a ‘being’ is watching my decisions, and determining how right i am
or am not, then i guess i would feel sorry for it. my life is not
that exciting — at least, when i’m doing the “right” thing it is
not very exciting.

so i can’t see that as a reality — but i do think there is a God that listens,
that reacts in ways that change the environment differently, that might even
change the decisions by others. influences … pushes. ways of granting insight.

ways of becoming
the person that you ARE going to be tomorrow

i suppose that if i saw interaction and creativity die …

to me, that would be the death of God. and so God is still
very much alive. in and throughout the world. but it’s easy to
perceive that when you exist in comfort.

see….. that’s the thing. if i’m in constant pain — heck yea,
i’m cursing life and cursing God and hating it all. if i’m in comfort,
then i kick back and write a bit — muse out loud — type as i think
so that some kind of order can be put to my typing.

so you CAN’T decide for someone else if they should believe in God
because you don’t have their level of pain

each is a formula unique to circumstances surrounding life

can only decide for myself
and why do i pose the question, even? well, folk want to know
how much you believe in …….fate, good fortune, and divinity.

i believe that i must keep my mind open

to new experiences that might change the way i see things
tomorrow — or the next day
and i see that as sort of having bravery — a confidence
that your faith won’t leave you, is when you do keep your mind
open…… and at the end of the day, the faith is still there

comprehending life is only a small part

living it …… interaction and determining your part in life

that is freedom
that is the birth of beauty
and beauty is a God that is not a finality …
but only a beginning

so i try to think about what would be nice to read after
all that pompous blowhard junk i got out of my system …

you know the night is quiet, other than the tap
of my fingers on the keyboard, and the tick tock of the clock
or i guess it’s just a tick — my clock doesn’t tock…

i breathe in and out
part of me knows i missed a favorite tv show…. and
should be in bed…..
other part of me is writing furiously … emphatically

trying to draw off of these thoughts, bring them
to a state where i can look outward again
and see things in this other-light —- in a mind
i capture for a brief while

i wonder about being a piteous creature. but truly,
i feel fortunate most days to simply be alive.

the clock ticks, and sometimes it is like it slows
but i know it can’t ….. so if i wanted to bring in a metaphor,
i guess that is like how i think of God.

might seem to slow, or go faster. it might seem like God
is punishing you, or helping you. but the reality, is that God
must be a state outside of perception. by definition. and therefore,
IF i get to determine what God is doing, then for me — God is not
helping overtly or hindering overtly or hurting ….. but the


yea ……….. that is where i look at results
and let out a big sigh as

tell myself it’s time to help the world in other ways
and bid readers, and myself …… a good night.

and God … if you are listening … which you are, if i believe in God …
then i hope my efforts are not too terribly insane
and maybe even a little bit beautiful (beautiful like God)

just a bit? all i hope ……. my dream is for the pattern to live
and then


so what IS this — the end of the line?

feeling a little out of sorts
maybe it’s the weather
sure, i’m sure it’s the weather

have decided to organize “things”
so many of those things
tend to be disorganized
wherever they please

and then i scream and stomp
my not-so-little feet
when no-THING can be found
and so have to admit

this it IT
i am OLD
can’t remember anything
so everything will have to have
it’s place

… just like grandma

and i love cataloging
; knowing where everything is
and now it’s this big blob in my mind

thought occurred to me
that if i can’t get it straightened out
then i’ll have to get some large bags
and put it all in the trash …

no one needs this level of chaos
and i cringe at the despicable
and sharp-edge nature of order
i don’t want those levels of exact intolerance

but i do need to look at things
and decide what i should sell
or take to the rummage sale at church
because who needs 4 tablets? 5 phones? 3 laptops?

i’m like an electronics’ junkie
and i have my stash of back-up highs ….

so this is a very SPECIAL spring cleaning
one that is the end of an era?
end of something

i never cared for sanity much, anyway.
some day it will all come together
on that day, i hope peace is grasped hard
tight … the thing i WILL remember
when the rest is gone

everything lost and forgotten
but i’ll still hold fast
that feeling of standing on a patio
in your PJ’s, when the morning
comes around … and deciding the flowers
need a little more water as you sip
your tea and think– “in a minute.”

comprehending the motives of others

i can appreciate being snubbed
it’s when it’s done with such disdain

anybody know my IQ?
me neither
i know what it was when i was a kid
i know i was a who’s who
but everyone was — sell more books that way

and guess the thing is that i never took pride
in ‘smart’
or i just took it for granted
not an above or below thing
more like a quantity thing
mostly having to do with taking the time
to learn

so i don’t mind being snubbed
it’s the thoughts in that churning
that bring to be something that is
considered superior

and i just sort of wonder why
why that need comes out
or what kind of past competitions existed
to prime someone

to always be right
hell, maybe that’s me too much, too
have to stand on what i know
like i’m wearing cement boots
like the end of the world would happen
if i move an inch
so i suppose there is that

but i think … what of the goal
so much depression
so much depression that i’m fighting it even now
, tonight … the lingering frowns
on faces not mine, wracked and hurting

the notion that all will be yours!

all will be exactly the way YOU want
to surrender ……. and i look at the
think of the dynamics of irony
it bothered me
was kind of

like a very odd mind trap
complicated one
hard to dissect
and easier to just say it was wrong somehow

sort of uncomfortable
like the intent was to have
vulnerabilities in such obvious relief
rather than knowledge or
technique …….. so just

feel a little like dorthy i guess
no fix in the wizard’s bag for me
no instant answer

i have run through much in the way
of therapy
in the scope of analysis

you get to learn a thing or two
about therapists and why they are
in the profession they are in

that is the number one
and you’d be surprised how many
are in it because they genuinely want
to help people…. it’s a lot

large percentage
whereas i’m not sure how many leaders
are ‘in it’ to help people
or even if those with genuine concern
last very long

i just know we all make decisions

and see my decision is to be inclusive
of all – and not to snub

to not make snubbing a part of a group
dynamic — and when it becomes a part
of a group dynamic — then i’m not sure

of the point
………….guess i test people
or maybe try to determine the reasoning

am without sleep — need to catch up
….am not in the mood for dealing with
not sure of the whys

though i think some have to feel superior
or only have a relative sense of worth
rather than a dynamic sense of worth

i guess that’s it

is a fundamental philosophy
and i just enjoy the relaxed nature
much better

it’s all a growth
and i enjoy new experiences
and i like seeing others grow
bigger smiles

i’m not sure what kind of a threat i pose

i see through BS faster than you can say olly olly oxen free
i just don’t always call it
lift an eyebrow and go onward

…. so tonight is still depressing
and a little hollow

too much sorrow in one day
so many burdens and the share that
holds the goal a tad on the pointless side

but after all … i’ve been in tons of therapy
and group therapy
and i know positive from negative
i know what works and what stagnates

is not my fault
have just been through it all
and then rinse, wash, repeat

there are a lot of reasons for determining
certain directions
maybe i’m jaded

a little lost
a little bit trying to understand what
anyone wants from me …

it’s not the snubbing
so much as the level it was done at
one where only higher minds could note it

so i guess that’s ok

you know what comes after a good write
and a chance to look at yourself
and hopefully not lie to yourself?

a big bowl of ice cream
and a cat lying on the chest and purring
a mile a minute …….

i like working things out in words
seeing how feelings fit into the wider
parsing of logic

and i don’t want to be mendacious
just want to figure out what or why
or how to manage

i guess i get the put down
to kick me for the sake of not having
any judge of leadership … because i do

nine ways to sunday

that’s just me and i manage to keep a life
that can walk away tomorrow
from anything…. from anything

just how i roll

things don’t always work out for the better
and the one mind you can always know well, at least…

is your own

i guess the writing so much on here
is proof that i’m lonely

but in another way
it is proof that i’m not … that i have my
that are more curious than simply a “poor me.”

i suppose that was what was so troubling…

there should not be an encouragement of the “poor me”s

too much of that in the world already
too much forgetting of what to be grateful for

things to thank the stars
to thank god — to thank life

so i just kind of stare at it all
like a bug in a jar
… i contemplate the differences.

i don’t stop liking myself
when someone else dislikes me

i turn and look at that…
think maybe they’re right

i’m abrasive and not very cool,
in my defense
my brain works a little differently

i don’t remember well in the short term
so i have to take subjects as they arise,

and so i tend to interrupt
…. which comes off as being a jerk

but the alternative for me is complete
silence because i’m not going to remember
what anyone said 10 minutes ago
even though i try to listen

it will be the last thing you say
and then people use that to bury their
premise in the first things they say…

so that you are stuck accepting the premise.

the premise was that there is such a thing
as emotional stasis

and i think we (humans) are always on the way
…to something

i don’t think there is ever smooth sailing
you might think others lives are smooth and
carefree — but that is because you are seeing
it from the outside.

on the inside it might be anything but smooth
to them….
so i think the premise is flawed

and so you have the foundation of comprehension
based on the difference
of smooth times versus rough times

when it’s really not these hills and vales

when it’s really not this feeling at home or not feeling at home

because you’re always at home
and in the right place you are supposed to be

that is what faith teaches us, that there is
a continuity

that sometimes life has a way of guiding
us to the where we are supposed to be,
or the spirit has a way of calling

so it’s a disservice to consider
moments of transition as a “bad” time

many times, it is just a growing time

i suppose the main differences are in strength
are in how strong you feel
how strong to face what comes across your path

like with the saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
i suppose i don’t see the way
or reason to convince yourself that you are
out of the woods just because you said so

it’s all come down to circumstances

the chance for tomorrow to swing around
in a better state — a better outlook of the mind,
so try for each new day to be better than the last

often for me, that is by learning more on something
each new day
to have this progression that even when others
don’t see… i can feel it

the fact is, no part of my life
has been picture-postcard perfect stasis
in a fundamental placement of self as the
perfected creature
the perfect life

i think that is just a way to fool oneself
though how would i know, since i’ve never had it?
well, i see things differently

… i see it as healthy to continue to grow
and look for better situations and better ways
to be…

it isn’t an act or a performance
because if it were, who is your audience?

others you want to impress? but “the whole world is a stage
we are merely players
to strut our time … full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing.”

so the stage is for others to see,
but the life is the me that can quietly type
that can reassert what is important to ME
and discover what was bothering me…

i can see the night as soft
and can see tomorrow as industrious

can see myself as just trying
trying to be the me i always was

always have been inside the same person
as ever i was …. the spirit doesn’t change
i don’t think, otherwise you wouldn’t recognize

so something remains a steady part
of self-awareness

often i think the only thing about life
is learning how to not let things get to you

and then i let things get to me, to test that
to make sure i have a way of not allowing
the super tangled and complicated comprehensions
to take over

it’s funny. i live off of too many metaphors
at least know enough to know i don’t know

not sure what IQ level that makes me
in fact, far as i’m concerned it doesn’t
make one very bright to want to know
just how bright you are
…………….sort of like taking one
test makes you flunk a bigger one.

there’s lots of different kinds of smart.

i could name off several for every person i know
but i pretty much think there are only a few ways
of sadness … of wishing the world were different
for yourself

i think it’s better to do something about it

what does fear profit

does it make the day better
boogy man
to harness the easy enemy
for goals
a fractured night is the complication
claiming souls for redundancy
all been done before
the formula
i blame no other forward
but the cries of foolishness
in loss of pride
ubiquitous persuasion
abstract beast as one more
nightmare drops and pings
one more silence dreams

how found you life explicitly in pardon?
eh… all shouldered for the curse
to come this way
the formula
the conquest put behind for all is
new some day with curled tones
of where deception leads and primps
and prompts
the fantasy of all is not so sure

look out look forth look where
the look is blurred
consider taste
inured … concept ‘ngraved on lust

how lust you now?
where is the train of consequence
when dreams go high
they fall not at all not at all
but shred in wind so constant
as to blame
deflated wide realities
not seen
not real… one thing
in course of course
to know the turn was adequate

where dollars came in a stumble
as next fork falls
you cannot eat your dreams
you cannot gnaw on gold
and so one gravitas turns repeated
makings for the make
divided by the variegated snake
to lonesome pulp
the brain in sundry mulch

therefore, true listen
when the sage screams lost is lost
when showman never counts his cost
barking grim
of sullen reap
no conquest of their minds complete

therefore i ask that all
remember if a careless nature
holds fragile dreams
correctly tuned?
does swagger storm the enemy
for light of day
a sun but knows its replay

how do ranks live now? minus
effigies … the image all
encompassed to denote what’s craven
of such craven greed….

born and blossomed from the pompous seed
in time that tortures never bleed
and driven mad by faith
i see the conscript of cold
holy vows
i see the damage wept by chain
and cried by plow

forsaken on the field
as life decides to harvest
man where he stands and smiles

when dawns awake the hopeless child



how words are meant to confuse souls

the thing about the reporting on trump, is they will say something like, “president trump spoke once again on the importance of building a wall.” and that sounds almost normal, when in actual words, he said something like, “we’re going to build that wall, it will be tremendous!” so the paraphrasing creates statements into something they are not.

i found it kind of startling, to hear trump supporters talking about how they use an “inner-translator” to tell themselves what he “really” means. ????? they treat him like he is some genius that is hard to understand because it is so amazingly deep. when what he actually is, is a con man. a con man that enjoys the ability to deny, to back track. it comes in handy when he wants to state that he doesn’t remember ever making that deal with you. you just understood him wrong.

I’ve seen this so often in my life. it’s one of those low moves, that you expect from people desperately in over their head. like a boss that needs scapegoats everywhere, and has to make more through kick-backs because he has 3 mortgages on his house.

and trump has professional translators, so another step he can blame. people who have the job of describing what the president “really means.” then he can send a second one out, saying the first one is wrong. this is utter insanity. at some point, wouldn’t it make the most sense to have a president that didn’t talk in riddles?

the degree of excuses, are similar to what you have to arm yourself with when raising an aggressive child — he didn’t really MEAN to bite your girl. he’s REALLY telling her how much he likes her! it’s a format of excuses and double-speak and lord knows. the end product is a distinct distrust for those doing the explanation, while forgetting that the whole problem is the source of that remedial diction — the president himself.

the entire nation gets treated to a building distrust and trepidation, as more and more step up with versions of what the president “really meant.” and when are we going to call “uncle?”

i sometimes wonder if those who love this kind of wishy washy diction were raised in households where nobody means what they say, and never say what they mean. households that depend on “tone” and body language more than actual words. (there’s a whole science to that, some estimations put it at 80% of communication can occur through body language.) that’s why i said to listen to audio only of presidential speeches — pretend it’s 1930 if you have to. i find it fitting.

(though ask myself why bother explaining this? trump is probably not even the one running things. is probably as much a victim of the republican party as the rest of us. )

what it comes down to — is i hugely object when everyone is supposed to guess what trump means, by ignoring what he said. the president is the one who tells us if there is danger. now we are all in a giant story of the boy who cried wolf. we can’t trust what comes out of that mouth, but he is where he is.

–and the troll legions are brainwashed into some kind of trump cult communication. they absorb the ambiguity, and it feels like it’s right inside of them — because it is! interpretation makes you feel closer to the speaker. that’s why it’s used as a rhetorical-critic ploy.

trump requires ‘representatives’ everywhere re-define every word that comes out of his mouth for anything that ranges into official levels. though we can’t decide that, because he seems to be still stuck in a campaign mode – and has a problem of figuring out what a president actually does. we would probably settle for him to keep his mouth shut until he can speak clear and concisely.

not to mention –even written orders are so unclear, they are ‘cleaned up’ with a glossary, or need to be reviewed by the courts before being sent back, like the teacher that has to give a student their homework back–to redo it so there is at least something to grade.

so the courts have to weigh in, because of cryptic orders —-and double-speak that doesn’t belong in a presidential order at all —– and all this costs time, money, trust?… this is what happens when you put an inexperienced man in charge of the hamburger grill, and he burns it all. then you say the customers are wrong for not liking burnt hamburgers.

it’s all so bizarre, it’s freaking me out. i try to remind myself this is just an insecure time. many had them, we have photos of all the frowning people before the world wars, that’s for sure.

then to get a strange dictator wanna be who depends on loyalty for his operation … it’s confusing. the image of someone you have to defend, and explain what he really means, with the image of a person who takes what they want. so why does everyone jump at trying to figure out this very odd dictator-poet?

trump is the old man who is confused and muses to himself. but he has never practiced on clarifying his speech. and why? spoiled as all get out, surrounded by yes men and never had to be clear and concise to anyone. just throws whatever out there.

leave everything open to interpretation. cover your rear by using double-speak. i employ that all the time. but try to do it without insulting reader’s intelligence. trump has no such boundary. he insults away until most are jaw-dropped.

“nukes are bad?” gee thanks for that info. have been wondering my whole life. now i get to believe that because you said it.

the scary thing is — that is how followers in a cult develop their dependency on a cult leader. they actually end up believing, that his words are the first time they realized that nukes are bad.

it’s partly the collective nature, followers that come together –talk with each other — reaffirm how RIGHT their leader is– nukes are bad. but how we need more of them, so much more! because he said that, too. and what it does, is create a body of hypocrisy following and justifying hypocritical logic, and as followers they end up surrendering their own integrity.

so it’s hard to watch. generally, in civilized society, we try to eliminate those who promote hypocritical stands in their followers.

but it feels like the adults have left the building — like the nation is stranded on this lord of the flies island. and i have the glasses, but i sure as sh*t ain’t going to save this crew. don’t want them playing with fire on top of everything else….

when it comes to dependency on interpretation, we poets know something about that, right? metaphor. you throw it out there and let the listener decide. only — if you say something mean, and don’t specify a target — then they might think it is about them. i’ve seen a million and one games played with that.

but in a leader, to have all that ambiguity is odd. and paraphrasing it to make it sound like normal communication, is not doing anyone any favors. so that’s my point for this whole long bloody write. stop cleaning up his speech for him.

put what trump ACTUALLY says, and THEN write your interpretation of what that might mean. or your interpretation of how that would sound if a real president were saying something similar, after the reality of how trump expressed himself.

otherwise, it makes him sound normal. and he’s not. he’s insane. if you’re only reporting with use of a paraphrased interpretation –that’s not the truth, and you are joining the ranks of trump mouthpieces — with their alternate facts — desperately trying to paint a picture of normalcy, that JUST ISN’T THERE.

listen … only listen to trump speeches. don’t depend on your body language interpretation — the waving of the “ok” symbol. all that BS. just listen.

i guarantee, the spell will break, and you will go — why is this auto mechanic from the Bronx running the country? he sounds like a round, short man with a five o’clock shadow — he sounds like he is trying to BS himself into thinking he knows the job. he knows manipulating people. but is an AGING auto mechanic that depends more and more as he ages, on the loyalty of customers. customers he grabs by the shoulder and tells them they are getting the best deal ever, because you’re my friend! we are buds! and then he charges them twice as much.

it’s not how you run a country. it’s barely how you run an auto shop. at some point it will all end. i just hope it doesn’t end by us all going into the darkness together. you might want to google Jonestown, and remind yourself what happens to cults with members that trust implicitly.

btw ….. i’m going to be pissed for awhile, since this mistake in president is going to cost me a lot, once the inflation hits and i can only afford ramen for dinner.

and those who are eating ramen now, frack me, i don’t know what’s going to happen to them.

so stop making something like trump sound civilized. he’s not. this is not what civilized people do. this is not what civilized people are? i never thought of it like that. i figured that smart societies find the ways for most everyone to have a kind of peace– i picture them interacting and having this way about them. and intelligent conversations, that don’t center on what was done, but what can be done in the future when built with a sense of hope.

it’s a big picture event i look at sometimes, like the best of all worlds. along with roads not covered in trash from people throwing trash out the windows of their cars. and i know it’s hopeless. i really do. i see enough trash to know it’s hopeless, ok? i know the president is the casino mob boss kind — the wrestling event showman. the people love it. the people love throwing trash out the windows of their cars. they love throwing gum on sidewalks. love the lack of dignity, and the comfort that are all going to hell together.

you don’t get that kind of divorce from reality just reversed. lost is lost.
i still dream? i still think about maybe getting there some day. but it’s not on this road. i know that much … fact, integrity, and intelligence are necessary. you don’t build a stone house out of gobs of spit, right? well i just see a whole huge spit-lake.

it makes my little dream of civilization seem even more distant. so i’m pissed about that, too. in fact, that hurts more than the ramen thing. i can live without food.

can’t live without my dreams.