in and out

i look at the embers

a bright orange
the warmth of solitude

a sullen night clings to the smoke
twisting
gray forgiveness speaks to the darkness

i inhale
staring outward
and crouched inward

time ticks on the asphalt under my feet
and breaks overhead

life
the fleeting shadow of every passing dream

in and out

smoker

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ALL

i rise to see the morning light peek around the window sill
morning ghosts dancing in the space between time and regret

my journey
one foot in front of the other
makes it to the coffee machine
covered in black dust
the lid creeks as i settle it down to brew

the cat crying for breakfast
and the computer calling me to work

just another day
but it’s not

because this time is see it
this time eyes ache with a dawning perception

this time i see it all

and it doesn’t hurt like i thought it would
the enemy is what
the dark side
the reverse of all and yet

right

wrong

black

white

construction

destruction

can YOU guess the pattern that deserves the best in worship?
opposites that react
it is the action
to fight for what you believe

so for a long time i’ve believed in nothing

who deserves to fight after all
an enemy
fire that explodes
in tunnels of short range thought

i’ve been on the wrong side all this time
head stuck in a bucket
buried under ten feet of sand

look to the right
left
this time i see it
i see it all

beyond survival

heck it doesn’t pay
to admit you’re tired
i remember the good ol’ days
following grandma through the parking lot
the shining stadium in the distance

grandma didn’t believe in shuttles
and by the time we found our seats

metal chairs ranging off into the distance
we didn’t care that you could barely see the field

this was the Dogers!

home of the doger dog
which we were never allowed to get
except once i think

it was my birthday
and i used lots of relish
and it made me sad

no difference really than the ordinary sort
not sure what i was expecting

but anyway
the sky is blue today
with a white that will clench your heart
and burn it cold

doesn’t pay to admit you’re tired
down to the very bone
where prophesies ache

light and distance will dance for the storm
the rush of winter
slamming its own angry fist

it will run you indoors
cursing cigarettes
cursing

and loving home

redemption screams a silent core

don’t let myself be lonely you know
sometimes it hits me
and i wonder about the point of such a
solitary existence

the night becomes like a sticky bath
of bundled remorse

i remind myself
such is choice

the many times i decided to leave
the heartbreak i caused equal
to the price of my freedom

i don’t feel lonely
really i don’t
but sometimes

loneliness becomes one question
a tangled collar of inquisition
was i wrong?

how worthy does a man need to be
were there any reason
beyond
what i hope for in your eyes

lonely would ache pleasantly
a balm for the broken heart
a melody within reach
my world refuses to dream

a counted day
minute to minute
until our two silences meet

lonely would be the suffered
a suffered sacrifice

forever sweet

but this night
oh this night

is what drives men to drink
it’s what stops a woman in her tracks
curled up on bitter bones
to think