one final gift

sometimes reading past work helps time land in a better junction, somewhere between that was then , this is then + now

otherwise sane perspective

the sky forgave
and the hopes congealed
the stars were burned
and the burns were healed

it was a night before the endless paths began
tell me where
did the furthest conflict land?

it was not how i meant anything to be
time only turns
but doesn’t turn for me

i was confused
but confusion
was only right
tell me did you

sleep through

that night ….

for the skies will burn
yet the burns will heal
i played nothing my way
yet i can’t help but feel

there is no answer to your questions now
tell me why ….
do we seek darkness

there is no forget
there is only forgive
there is no looming death
only time left to live

and someday i might
make it to my hopes and dreams

but til then
i’m
more than more could ever believe

for the sky!
the sky forgave …

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at first dare

at first
knowledge a difficulty
if you jump from a height
you will break

i had no trouble
believing this
the children on my block
took turns jumping from a low roof
for fun
i passed ….

too much candy will make you ill
again
i had no trouble believing this
even on halloween night
when all the candy in the world
was at every doorstep

fire will burn you
but it was tricky
under a pilot light
metal button
“it will burn you!”
i touched it anyway
ok, that was established
listen to mom

wear shoes to protect your feet
that one i also tested
on many barefoot days
until a glass shard
embedded itself deeply
in not so tender flesh
then shoes were not quite such an enemy

don’t climb or you will break your neck
i ignored that also
how could i not?
when grandmother loved to tell the story
of stepping outside
to see her 4 year old daughter
40 feet high at the top of
a tree? the trick she said,
was to not panic
she simply waved and said come in for lunch when you
get a chance!
then went back inside
and nearly fainted
just waited a few minutes
and breathed once again
when she heard tiny footsteps
hit the front planks of the steps

we pass along knowledge
what to eat
how long to sleep
how far to walk or run
how to stay alive
and even how to perish fabulously

i never did understand
why cutting wrists must be done
in the bathtub
then you grow up to realize
those are probably murders
and the killer wants
an easy clean up

you have tried going without sleep
going without food
only to realize that your
own particular brand
of insanity involves less
prophecy and more theatrics

have looked at the world
not to judge reality
but to measure how closely
man falls into correct
bastions of never again
how often truth
becomes engineered for profit
and so not
so very true

study the ins and outs
only discovering you very much
need water
by being denied water
until almost dead
where the wheelchair ride
rush to get you away
is burned in the memory
so deeply that the portraits
on the wall still stare at you …

for some reason
founders of a hospital
must be immortalized

you go without friends
without food
without even a roof over your head
for a time
without a god, even

knowledge given
knowledge at a cost
knowledge of both the quick, and the slow
the dead remain elusive
stubbornly voiceless but buried
thickly in convocated memories

knowledge of time
that is far from equal
minute to larger and smaller seconds…
the minutiae of calibration
the relevant dream
that will always gravitate
in a whirlpool to the self …
so many ways to sink forever

children jumped off a roof
but i skipped that chapter
i flew a plane
and measured velocities
and altitude
i saw the inside of an engine
and knew how much particulate detail
went under the hood

i perceived myself
as always secondary
to greater endeavors

we collect our own information
and at that peak
the only way to be singularly
correct is to be
against
what is already known

the known that clamps down
and declares itself impervious

and so there is a general malaise
when being necessary
is being a specialist

when self-discovery ends
then so too does hope and
expectation … heart and conviction?
flight

i never had a problem
with wise advice

it is just that wisdom
and ambiguity
often mirror the same mountain

there is a feeling that i
have in my bones
that i must try
knowledge when i can
test it and contemplate
what the opposite of knowledge
truly is
what the foundations of use become

to stand alone
or to stand together

it is the questions
that go unanswered
i suppose?

it is the culmination
of the dare

that brings credence to life
above and over
any duty or relevance
to collective mayhem

within the day that will always
become the night
only those with
eyes are inspired
to quantify the difference

there is the culmination
of the dare
that forgets to parse the incredulous
the dim memory that not
all creatures fall alike

that not all endings have beginnings
as freedom is a wish buried within consequence

you either remove a bandage
fast or slowly
but all methods are valid

absolutes are nothing but
a fascist burden
stifling self-awareness

duty to realize
is the love of all things
immortal
wit counts the bars of a cell
while smiling at conviction

how much worse is the force
to refuse a dare?
how greater do we stretch
how greater do we breathe?

life itself a journey for
both big and small

but only by being both
can the mind commit revelation
and industry to its brother, event
to its sister
the burdening of consequence

where all things might have purpose
or not
all things might redact in spirit
or not
and yet all things live between constructs
that eventually die
and then belong only
to remorse and its cousin
the wind
not the wind itself
for we wind clocks
but the feel of the wind on an upturned face
as the brush of angels dry
even the most hopeless tears

a dare is revival among rival
one and the same yet all souls
scream for their own distance
all matter
of earth flies
folds itself in beauty
to where the sun glints off
shallow wings
hopeless daze

no end to knowledge
and its tests
a place remains for suffering
a place to remember all loss all lessening
words that carve their indignities
and gravitate toward reenactment

and shall we speak of a time for dreams?
for knowing mans own tendency to forgive
a time for kicking reality in the nuts
all matter on this earth
flies
creatures and stones
feathers and formulas
fond hopes and the holiest of remembrances

all belongs to matter and all suffers grace
in belonging
all flies
all kisses only air
and only once

trust is the bitter part of wisdom
do not tempt me!
i would never find glory
never validate worlds that treasure grades
while forgetting love has no steep reward
no greater repetition and variability

all flies
all falls
…with (equal but not greater than)
the same aplomb

i could have jumped from that roof with the other kids
but i chose not to fly
at age 7 concluded tempting fate was foolish
but oh how i envied them their foolishness!
if only for that one day


and the v of the geese is on water
as well as above

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oh happy day
there wasn’t much
to prove my beginnings
finding the way …
it was more than any
average prize

sought between the big ones
crumbling with good-byes
i loved every moment
i loved every moment …

you see
i gave up autonomy
and never thought
about years and passing life
to yet the next
to be the nothing and the song
i never heard…. i never heard

i can’t tell
you how i chose to take it all
to be no blame
no silence pinned to silent walls
how i saw
a world that held on fast
when nothing
no one
not a thing … no stardust lasts

how can i
tell how it makes me cry?
to know i gave up
every thought that passed me by?
and how can i tell you
that it all was worth the price?
the life i promised
conformed to frame impossibility

there is one thing
that i never did in vain
and that was two things
that would dance
and kiss the rain

live
belong
and i never had the key
never needed it
never needed it

flip the coin
but don’t flip out
find your self
but share your doubts
love the best things
you ever gave away
and own tomorrow
just sacrifice today

be the word
be the heart you use to pray
oh happy day…
oh happy day!

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a woman president is necessary for progress

the one thing we’ve avoided when looking at a “different” sort of candidate (other than traditional white male protestant) is the advantages of trying something new.

not much circulated on how having a black president could be advantagous. instead, the focus on equality spoke for how there would be no difference. the problem with this, especially now with looking at a female president, is that bias can be something so ingrained that the average voter cannot parse themselves into a wider view of equality.

it is the same old story. the african americans given the vote, but women? women must obey husbands, so how can they have minds of their own? and over a hundred years later, and over 50 years since women actively entered the workforce, there is still doubt regarding what could be called equal capability.

trump would have you believe he could lift weights and run a marathon, but a WOMAN? she is weak and will never have equal stamina. but think about this. who outlives men? women. the average lifespan of a white male is 75, just five years away for trump. the average lifespan for a white female is 80. so that is not weaker, that is stronger. a hard thing to face, but let’s call a spade a spade.

in addition to working outside the home, 85% of women workers continue to work at household duties when they get home, compared to 67% of men. and men are almost twice as likely to work in the garden or yard when they do work at home at all.

a woman’s work is never done. we have not outgrown that saying, not yet. so the woman that is so weak and so incapable, is twice as likely to extend her workday with household tasks–22% of men compared to 50% of women.

these are the weaker members? we need to rethink our definition of weak. or perhaps recalibrate our definitions of slavery.

“a woman politician is going to menstruate and go crazy!” for one thing, the point of emotional instability via hormonal influence is moot for women over 55. believe me, women that make it through menopause are some tough cookies. and even those who are younger somehow manage to accomplish all that extra work despite juggling hormonal shifts. that takes strength, control, and determination. if anything, it speaks of a greater fortitude, not less. and particularly when holding a position where level-headedness is needed, as well as commitment.

you still think a female president will somehow have less ability to make it through a workday than a man? i would suggest talking to female nurses and doctors. with the majority of nurses still being female, does that speak of less stamina or more stamina in women? you need to start to get this straight. women are even more likely to work while suffering illness, and develop habits that involve maintenance taking priority over self-comfort.

still believe a woman magically has less ability as a candidate for president than a man?

how about the fact that women have consentration levels that are statistically higher? boys are 3 times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, while adult attention deficit disorder is still more likely to inflict males than females.

and then we come down to the biggest fear of all: the witch. a man with social power that he uses widely, is considered a pillar of the community. a woman with power of any kind is considered a witch and out of control, even when operating on the cautious side of consequence.

how women approach this bias of viewpoint, is what defines their ability for goal management. more than men, women must excel at fielding overt criticism while still doing a job and demonstrating leadership capabilities. and the biggest difficulty to overcome, is the very simple hurdle of physical appearance.

a man does not need to think too heavily on his appearance while in leadership positions. if he manages to take a shower each day, he has things down fine. but a woman faces challenges that only grow as power increases, that only become more complicated and that are required, even though intelligent women can do the math and regret every single minute of wasted time.

what is she going to wear? what color of nail polish? what type of lipstick? how is her hair? what kind of shoes does she wear? not to mention that most every “smart” form of business pump has at least 3 inches of heal and amounts to a form of torture that is gladly shed at the end of the day.

so there is this element of appearance, that will overshadow any and every attempt to be a serious leader. and who are the biggest critics? women, in regard to specifics. i heard one friend say she would not vote for Ms. Clinton because she hated the pants suits. Others state that hair is better now, or that there are too many wrinkles.

and then the men, largely care about attractiveness. does she wear makeup or not wear makeup. long or short hair? short skirts? high heals? tight jeans … yes we have a female politician here in salt lake that wears jeans so tight it’s a wonder she can sit down!

but again, that is a criticism of a choice for appearance. and women are judged much more strongly on appearance, regardless of what working position they hold.

and why? because the female is largely considered valuable according to physical appearance, than she is for hard work or a very keen mind. and the further any female deviates from a perfect or perfected appearance, the more she is considered a loser. a man can be completely disheveled, and the population goes “wow he worked hard today!”

a woman has one hair out of place, and instead it’s “what a slob, how can she stand herself?”

these are some very serious disadvantages. but they do not detract from ability if you consider that what needs to change, is going to change. if we give it a chance. if we open up that door, and allow a woman to step into that room that was always the boys’ club. if we progress as a people, as a nation and civilization … that will value females as equal citizens with minds, and hearts, and hopes. that are equal. only different because we make them different.

even if there is no lack in opportunity, there is a lack in the perception and viewpoints of millions. this needs to change, and the fear of having a woman in charge needs to be looked at. they all might rise up and rebel! the thing is, “they” already did. they already did. you might not have noticed, and might still want your dinner served on time, like donald trump. might still decide a woman is only good for decoration, like millions of men that believe an object of worship needs no opinion. no mind. no entrance to the boy’s club. that believe women want to be idolized or worshiped in the first place. it’s a false deal and one that needs to expire.

these backward ways of thinking will either change, or they will not. do you love your mothers, your daughters, your sisters? or are you afraid of them? are you afraid that more power means disaster, they already have so much? but the fact is, within the now, women have to reach outside their “limits.” and if given actual equality, that reach won’t have to be there. they will simply exist as your equals. it will simply be woman and man. not the powerful … not the powerful as opposed to what is considered weak. not the perceived-weak having to overpower the powerful. it will be man and woman, working together for a future that spells out better hope and better answers. better lives.

the fact that we need to reach this far, to the presidency, only means one thing. that equality is long overdue, and that progress is a necessity of survival.

we need every mind pulling for the future. not just those attached to a penis. not just those attached to black skin or brown skin or white skin. not just those minds born rich or born poor. we need every mind pulling for the future. every. mind. every citizen of these united states. we need to see each other, and when we see each other, we need to see a person who is equal. a person who has an equal mind.

a person with the same rights. same cares. we need every … single …. person, going into this future. man and woman, black and white, orange and purple. no, it’s not going to be the same world. no, it’s not going to be easy. but yes, we can do this. we can pull forward and find the answers for a better future for our nation, and for the world.

and i’ll tell ya, at the end of the day when push comes to shove, we’ll all know we did our best. we’ll all know we did our best because we did it … as equals.