for dust is packed

give me strength
yet make me humble
give me a caring heart
yet find also

sometimes strive for perfect answers
when know that perfection
even itself
is birthed out of
miasma in chaos

see, this night is bitter cold
but the air feels good
taking deep breaths

and remembering winter

nothing and everything
souls are soft
before they are hard
even the flower remembers
roots it gave to last spring

as their faces shrink from absolute cold
the last flowers still smile from the touch
of a bit of winter sunshine

no amount of complaint from me
equals dignity
what does tomorrow know?

terrifying Tuesday

Is the fan on too much
or is it my imagination?
don’t remember the fan running that much
must be the fan virus
seen since the early days of xp
no checker gets it
no system prevents it
and i still don’t know
if it’s an actual virus or just
a prevalent windows bug

but fan should definitely not be clipping along
when on battery power
set to passive cooling
and running almost nothing
with cpu usage less than 2%

i sigh
make sure files are backed up
run Windows 10 through a full reset
not knowing if that will help at all
not knowing if it’s my imagination….
all things seem louder
in the quiet of the dawn’s early light

i looked at terrorism, you know
in the global strategic sense
because basically it is
a non-real nation
committing war not bound
by the geneva convention
the agreement that all war should
be civilized
for power is power
and on the sidelines is right where
the greatest victor sits

so all are subject
except those who are subject
are preyed upon by those not subject
due to perceived insignificance
and what does the sideliner do?
sit and watch for even greater amusement
oh yes
there is a problem
yet it lies where no one is looking

how now brown cow
where does your garden grow?
how much wood does a woodchuck chuck
Peter Piper picked
Yankee doodle’s feather
and the ants go marching down… down…. down

sorry about that
my fan must be stuck
don’t know if it’s a virus
or built in flaw to the system…

you’re in the army now
you better get rich
you better get rich
how now
how now brown cow
you’re in the army now
you better be quick
you better be quick
little miss muffet sat on her tough-it
ringed around the rosy
to turn the other cheek
while born to bleed and bow
you’re in the army now
you better get rich
you better get rich
the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
you’re in the army now
how now, how now brown cow?

darn fan…….


reach of stasis

no worry for letting
hopes congeal
time is a wound
no insanity can heal

torn on the boundaries
‘tween light and design
are the compact desires
walking absolute lines

for me life has always been
hurt caused by shame
but I’ll tell you i gave each
every chance to complain

then to sip morning coffee
hear the news with a sigh
does it hurt when you lose
if it soothes when you try?


foundless on tomorrow

and i go ’bout my business
every motion a need
every song that is sung
inside notes as they bleed

did you hear it last night?
i fell far into planes
a soul flung into worlds
to arise fully claimed

if i gave you my reasons
you’d use them instead
to turn all straight against me
in words never said

so bide mountains of time
and stride valleys of pain
read all minds with one heart
read all hearts as the same

you wonder why i have arisen as me
and I’ll say that each drop of rain answers the sea


On popularity

How many things gone wrong?
But how much happiness gone right?
Order! But when did order really get anything done?
How to see the next chapter
New is fine
New is good
But who will do all the “easy” things
That aren’t so easy?
So construction costs
For video-broadcasting
That is just as likely to drive possibilities away
As to bring them in
Mixing sound? Sure – production
Post-production hours
Only the same problems already have:
How many members even use computers?
How many are likely to get online to check videos
Or websites
Probably none, but even if talking 3
Or 4 … thousands of dollars in equipment and time
To bring church to 3 or 4 people?
Reaching the world!
Your words carried across the globe because
A ticker on a site tells you so…
Have any idea how empty that IS?
Do you know what a refresh is?
Do you know that page-promoters will set up programs
That auto-visit and refresh pages through a proxy
Or even just tweak the numbers…
They are under no obligation to tell the truth
You learn early on in producing content for the internet
That “numbers” mean nothing
80% of the likes mean NOTHING
Are often done through programs
Called bots
Or ‘readers’ that don’t actually read
I know this
It’s not rocket science to figure out
After being on the internet….

Easy to let it go to your head
If a newbie – but early on, even
I KNEW and only went off of comments,
And even that only comments that discuss
The material
Because it is very easy to copy and paste
The same comment into blog after blog…

The world is ruled by money
Don’t be fooled!
So what if I didn’t take the bait
I don’t believe in having video screens in church
I don’t believe in posting services online

And I know that is how it is now with many
I know that is how they like it
And I know that if things went that way
I would find something else to do with my Sundays…
I call those the “Rah! Rah! Churches”
Because they are all about waving your hands in the air
Singing to the screen – singing to your GOD THE SCREEN
If you want exercise, go to a gym…? Is that so illogical?
The increased blood flow is just a mechanism
To play off of the feelings of “well-being”
That has nothing to do with content
And all to do with body positioning

Tipping the head back to look at the screen
Creates a different sort of … influence
It creates a different type of blood-flow
There is a REASON churches were made with HIGH CEILINGS
That wasn’t done because they thought, gee
Won’t this be fun
It’s done to create the wonder
Of looking up
And establishes a “crowd mood”
As well as marked increases in ‘obedience’
Due to the perspective—the child is also small
There is a REASON pulpits are HIGHER than
The seating …. There is a REASON a stage is a STAGE

Let a rock concert be a rock concert
And let church be church
How I feel on it
And it’s not because I’m old fashioned
It’s because I’m smart and not stupid
It’s because I refuse to let the world goad me
Into believing time is everything
That people are so rushed they can’t be bothered
To find hymn number 381 in the red hymnal

First you check what the going rental rate IS
Then you do a background check on the interested party
You draw up a contract on the rental details
after an agreement is made
….not before
And YES, it matters what faith they are or where they stand
Would you let the KKK put a sign out front
Stating they are part of your group?
Yes, it matters if there is a bad reputation!

If you want to be done early
And have it more business-like and less sociable
Then stop having food and dinner and making it
Into a party! One or the other, decide!
But complaining when food and talk turns into a party
Makes me go “what do you expect?”
I don’t know how to say anything
Without offending everybody
Try to point out what can – but it’s not my place

This is your church
Is it mine? I don’t know… but thing is I don’t like
To see people that I like get ripped off or led to
Be pushovers for this or that….
I want them to be strong
And not constantly worried
I want there to be a feeling of understanding
That the world does not revolve on any of this

On any of it!
This could be handled by email
By video conference
By phone, even ….. SO
The obvious reason you all get together
Is for the fun of it, the social aspect
And why not let that be?
No one needs to be super important
It’s 10 minutes of business
In 4 hours of meeting
Really … and that’s ok
Just don’t then decide it’s too much
Business to handle
Then decide it’s too much party-like behavior
Because which IS it?
No – maybe I’m confused
Try to keep my mouth shut
And fail miserably

I love you all
Just hang in there
Remember I interrupt for a reason

And the day I stop interrupting
Is the day I no longer care
And that doesn’t really matter either
I just don’t understand
I am frustrated
Strong leadership is what is needed
Sinking ships and tales of long ago…

You have to UNDERSTAND!
I KNOW what you were
I KNOW … I was there! And you
All were all full of yourselves
You are less full of yourselves and nice
And good and decent people, now

Let the rest go….
I have seen you polarize
And I have seen you mesh
Mesh is good … even if it’s a little messy
What matters is the degree of kindness

Oh…. And lately, during “prayer time” I find
My most frequent prayer to be
Please let this prayer END! Conclude it,
Say Amen … finish, for Christ’s sake!

Did you NOT read the BIBLE????
The Pharisee – that prays LOUDLY
So all could here – only for his OWN pride and demonstration?
How Jesus himself says that is NOT the way to pray ..and yet
That is all that goes on and I just try really hard
Not to say anything

Yet here I write it … and you know
I’m so sorry

Maybe this is a breakdown
I don’t think so, though
Normally a breakdown for me involves more anger
And less genuine puzzlement

So I’ll let this night go
And you can hate me all you want
But I’m not the one being hateful

Scratch that
Maybe I am, a bit
See… why talk the lease up like it’s awful?
Like they are awful
Yet why waste your time and get a written proposal
And then waste everybody else’s time
If don’t want…. Or don’t want the decision
Why not just come out and say
I don’t like these possible renters, what do you think?
Everyone scurries like ants
Unsure what the heck you want

So I chimed in
Sue me …. And I just am not sure
What goes, now

You won’t write on a blog
Because are paranoid about having your words stolen
But think you want to broadcast entire services
On a video feed? See, that makes no sense

Which IS it?
So I’m just not sure what to think on that
I set up the blog publishing as easy as humanly possible…
You already know how to write emails
So I set it up to publish by email
Did one whole blog
And stopped – afraid of plagiarism
Which I GET
Many would-be authors fall into the same pit
Without understanding that first
You have to be writing something worthwhile
Before it is worth being plagiarized

Very few who worry about being copied
Actually have anything worth copying
Seriously … I have noted the ratio
Not rocket science
It’s a type of INNOCENCE
And I get that, too – can even appreciate it

But I also know that
It is all a process…. If you can’t put your toes in the water
I’m not going to recommend diving off of cliffs….

Am a nobody
A nothing that cares too little
About propriety
I know that
And like all else – it’s for a REASON
Because I need more room
To move

Limitations are small things
I would give you all the world, if I could….

Really would. But all I have is
To paraphrase Sheldon:
Leonard: “you can draw more flies with honey than vinegar”
Sheldon: “you can draw even more flies with manure…
what’s your point?”