Ugh

So woe is the ever loving me
The little left of semblance that I am
To heck with life and constancy
All amber agents fade
All burning grieves remade

To find the depth
You plumb the waste
Caste aside the next in
Holy rolling … For
The essence of

Forgetful doling
To the one and one

Some day I only wish
For all evil in this earth
To be the done
To shift along its way
And leave such true hearts
In harmony to play and dance

I wish…oh wish!
That all was not the dream
That dream was not the all
That tyranny should drink its gall
And comb its gray

Give everything you have today
And in the morning pray

Oh pray for peace

All I am is sorrow
That’s complete and full
The measure of my life was never me…

The love of all that breathes
And laughs, and sees

Is ever too
Ever to the wind
The plane of solace, kin
And hearth

I stand
Oh stand and stand
As not so much a man of worth
But worth redeemed in man
And so

Once proof
There’s only smiles left
To greet the sun
To tame the morning
Where all need is none

What’s that?
You think I’m daft
Well I do, too

That is the difference
Tween me and you
For what I note
Is pressured into view
By all that’s square

By all that holds its shape
The semblance of the fair

Both true and blue
I never was your sky
But always loved to look to God
And ask forever… Why

It’s all within the reach
Pray this morning
Every night
Calmly drink the absence at my feet

And fade and fade and fade
Every portrait lines a street
That’s paved with glass

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Dummy mouths the screams of pain

How now brown cow

Jack be nimble Jack be quick

Jack said it was a candle stick

Jill agreed

Jack gaslighted and said no

The candlestick is a bird

The silliest story you’ve ever heard

And Jill left puzzled

Went her way

Perhaps Jack would fly candles

Like a bird some day

For the world is fair

And horizons are vast

And Jack can take that candlestick

And shove it up his….

Mary mary quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

In a world of pain

With fear open wide

Bathed in the gaslight’s glow

Little Jack Horner

Sat in his corner

Watching the world go by

Feelings went numb

Drained on a plumb

Said what a good gaslighter am I!

99 bottles of beer on a wall

99 bottles of beer!

Take one down

Pass it around

200 bottles of beer on the wall

Because the gaslighter

Says so

Itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout

Baa baa black sheep drank the spider out

Have you any wool?

Yes sir yes SIR

12 spiders full

And some day there’s some

Who never see the light

Who only hate a friend

And hurt a friend this night

Some day the sum of matters

Will dawn in every mind

Then numbers will sigh a large sigh

For calculations that worked to be kind…

Little miss muffet

Swore on her tuffet

Tired of blurbs and ways

Along came a sheep

Who coughed out a spider

And frightened miss muffet

To never trust sheep

And she scared all the spiders away

Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

The gaslighter spins

And the huff and puff

Only blows themselves in

Little boy blue will blow the horn…

But for me

I will diminish and remain galadrial

Oh my bonnie lies over the ocean

The silence lies over the seas

But round and round the gaslighter bush

Only anger comes back to me…

Have you ever seen

A sky so blue?

Yes sir

YES SIR!

12 spiders full

What happens when you break a sense of humor?

It babbles nursery rhymes

And laughs and laughs

What happens when you call yourself perfect?

You gaslight others to keep it that way

What day did the Lord rest on?

The first one because the rest came after

Do you know how many gaslighters it takes to screw in a light bulb?

Two

One to say a lightbulb is unnecessary

And another to hide it in the light socket

A gaslighter, a duck, and a priest walk into a bar

The gaslighter says “don’t give me that!”

The priest and the duck had said nothing

The gaslighter says “you never understand me!” The priest says a hail Mary, the duck quacks, and the gaslighter steps through the mirror behind the bar and vanishes.

The priest pours beer over the duck

Which of course rolls off its back

And the priest eats the beer mug

Crunching the glass

And staring blankly at the mirror.

He finally asks, “who do you suppose that guy was talking to?”

“Beats me,” says the duck…”he seemed a bit put out”

“He did, didn’t he?” Says the priest

Blood dribbling down his chin.

“Wait a second, you talked!”

He turned to the duck, and the duck

raised his wings in the air and shrugged…..

“That guy finally found who he was arguing with. Are you going to stop chewing glass?”

The priest looks down at his broken glass….”are you going to fly into that mirror?”

“Hell no!”

“Exactly.”

And he chews the glass and swallows, pets the duck with his other hand

And then picks it up and throws it at the mirror

The duck flaps and feathers are everywhere and it finally gets itself sat back down again next to the priest. “What did you do that for????!!!” Screams the duck. The priest said, “I had to see if the mirror is real.”

The duck says, “oh” and he turned and squinted at the mirror. “Well….is it?” The priest said, “no.”

And he stood up and walked through the mirror and disappeared.

The duck sat for a minute, and then grinned. And I’ll tell you, if you’ve never seen a duck grin, it’s a very frightening sight. And he started humming, the song sort of drifted through the bar. Very haunting, it was. “Look on the bright side of life…” And the duck vanished in the twinkling of an eye.

A gaslighter, a priest, and a duck never walked out of the bar. But somewhere in that other world, the duck talks, the priest dies painfully, and the gaslighter sits on a stump listening to the duck talk, with no glass to chew, and he yelled, “I’m sorry you feel that way!”

The duck blinked back to the bar, got a beer, and blinked back to the gaslighter, handing him the beer. The gaslighter poured the beer on the duck, which of course it just ran off like water off a duck. And the gaslighter started chewing the glass.

The duck cocked his head and looked at him. Then smiled. And I’ll tell you, that’s one frightening smile. And the duck flew away. The gaslighter yelled after him, “What do you know about any of it???!!!”

The duck is soaring through the sky as the morning sun begins to rise, painting the world shades of red and pink.

The duck hums… And never ever talks again.

Please look on the bright side of life

Don’t be a duck

Don’t be a priest

Don’t be a gaslighter

Be a sunrise.

And if someone invites you to go to a bar, ask them if it has a mirror.

Gassy bells and windup shells

I am so exhausted
From people who try to gaslight
I recognize it now
But part of me weeps for all the times
I just took it

On a side note
Why does this keyboard NOT recognize the word “ass” but it
Spells but “butt”
? One of the ironies of life
I consider butt the more offensive word

Anyway……gaslighting
A technique of language
Many of the tells are known phrases

“You don’t know what you are talking about”
“If you say so”
“Excuse me?” (Insinuating rudeness)

I don’t feel like listing them all
I’m sure a nice psychology book somewhere
Has the complete list of gaslighting phrases

The interesting thing is they are sayings
And phrases that I myself don’t use
Have never used

I don’t turn into them and fight fire with fire
Because it just spreads gaslighting behavior farther

Communities that gaslight are unhappy communities
It seems to be power plays
But all they’re doing is a round robin of who
To hurt next

And I’m lucky to have found a community that doesn’t gaslight
California is saturated with it
Externalization of internal puzzlement
Very conformist

It’s a way of conformist sociological practices
So that any deviation
Something minor as clothing, even
Gets a “what’s wrong with you”

That one is especially evil
Because it takes something that is good
And shows concern: what is wrong?
And turns it into a gaslight phrase for
Belittlement

So I have never used the phrases myself
Because I always knew they were bad
Didn’t have a word for it: gaslighting

My mind clicks the person themselves
Into a category
With degrees according to how badly they are afflicted with
The problem of needing to gaslight others

I’ve done this for a long time
And I’ve had a pretty good stretch now of not
Being exposed to gaslighters much

What happens with that
Is they now stand out to me like they have
A giant neon sign on their heads

Word of advice…. if you need to attempt to delegitimize
An entire person
Rather than face something that makes you uncomfortable

Then maybe the one you should deligitimize
And stop listening to
Is yourself

Maybe you should take all those gaslighting phrases
And shove them up your ass….butt

“You don’t mean that!”
Why yes
Why yes I do mean that

“You can’t be serious. ”
Why yes, why yes I am
“You just assume things”
Why no, no I don’t in fact
I investigate and analyze for long hours
Of fact gathering and conclusion
It’s quite a lot of work

So hard work is dismissed, too
As some kind of useless thing you engage in

Like thinking and deliberating internally the truths
Is completely useless

So they gaslight that, too

The irony, of course
Is they are trying to get you to conform
Because their life or livelihood somehow depends
On that conformity
So I DO have pity for it
Butt I don’t tolerate it any more

There’s that butt again….

Life is too short
God is real
Don’t take any wooden nickels
Tell gaslighters to go light themselves on fire
You’re all burned up

Because I swear it’s enough
Nothing like living in the cloud of gaslight
Everything you decide to do gets criticized
“I really don’t see what your problem is. ”

Incorrect grammar for their top sayings hits, too
Hits
Slams
And for the consummate gaslight
You need to start recognizing
When you are dismissing a person

Saying their perspective or view is invalid
Because I’ll tell you
I’ve been right all along
And I set the gaslighters into wrong catagories
Of possibly too stupid to live
I’m sorry
I do
Because gaslight IS from inferior thinking processes
That need the collective conformity to have any chance for survival

I can appreciate that
But the fear
I do not appreciate
The afraid of new ideas or thought
I do not appreciate
The stifling of creative contribution
Until you have geniuses scribbling little pictures
And you tell everyone they are artists…..

Really…… what kind of world?
The gaslighting?
What kind of crippled existence….

How many bells
Do I have to ring
Before the death
Is realized?

How much does it need
For you to know your time has come?

I can list all the gaslighting phrases
I’ve heard every one directed at me
Every barb intended to invalidate

Can list them all
Could even write a program to recognize
Them
Send an alarm bell to you that you are gaslighting
Because apparently my looks of dismay
Have never been enough

What I’m saying
Is it’s SO obvious
Really
I always flagged gaslighters immediately

I just never let on
“What makes you so special?”
Why, I’m glad you asked!

I started out not wanting to hurt others
That’s it

If you watch big bang theory at all….Leonard and Penny continually gaslight each other. They both try to gaslight Sheldon, and he just ignores them. But he has to ignore them so much, that Sheldon is then left with very little in guidance for how the rest of the world expects him to behave. As they grow closer, the frequency of the gaslighting goes down. They aren’t attacking Sheldon–Penny is not attacking Sheldon as much, and is protecting mother-like instead. Sheldon is realizing ways that he should adopt to somehow become a better more likable person.

I know I’m weird, I study all this. The writers of the show are Jewish, it’s kind of like looking at lessons told in a parable or fable. And I think there is some real wisdom there.

I have been gaslighted my entire life up until salt lake community I now am in. I never just ignored it like Sheldon does, water off the duck of a back. I always allowed the hit and the pain, because for one thing it’s different parameters for a woman. A seemingly heartless woman is feared. Gaslighters are already filled with fear.

When someone says “don’t be that way” … the attempt to dominate comes from a source of fear. Gaslighting is catching. It generally catches from the gaslighter to the gaslighted. So those who are gaslighted in turn become gaslighters. Sort of the way people who are abused as children become abusers. And yes, gaslighting is a type of mental abuse.

The abuser needs to abuse someone, so the most receptive person to the gaslighting will be selected. If you play your cards right, you can get them to direct all their barbs at you, and leave other people alone. And I really wonder or puzzle at the degree of mental abuse gong on in some communities. And then people go crazy and they blame the person that they broke for having a problem and not being able to take it any more.

There is definitely something good about removing toxic people in your life, people who work to break you. Though I wouldn’t call them toxic, they are gaslighters. They are choosing to be gaslighters. To be hurtful people and in some fashion they are validating their role in keeping conformity, where conformity is the only view of function.

And I’ve worked on enough computers, to realize that conformity is NOT the only way to function. It is if problems are huge and need to be fixed en mass. But not when they are not huge, when there are already laws and guidelines. Schematics for circuit board assembly.

If you fix an hp design, it’s not going to fix a Lenovo. And that’s a good thing, because the hp fix might be the wrong direction. Only way to know, is if that change is not applied to other machines. So that’s why too much conformity in a society or community, is bad. On more levels than one.

And the gaslighting needs to stop. Those phrases need to die. Because the ones you’re gassing out are the inventors and thinkers…. And it’s why you have the same fire hydrant design as a hundred years ago. And maybe I’ll mention that the orange blob in the white house is a gaslighter. That’s why I hate him so much. In a position to spread gaslighting…. The mental abuse of gaslighting….. And infect more people.

Bullying is kind of a type of gaslighting. Or they are both techniques of mental abuse. None of this is that hard to understand. Psychologists should be taking patients first thing and sitting them down and list who they have in their lives. List the people, and run a few questions to identify the problem-people who are mentally abusive.

Help the patient remove those people from their lives. Watch them get better. Watch them learn to identify mental abusers, and not allow them in the first place. But instead you throw medication at the patient so that they can stand more abuse. And I just don’t see the efficiency of that.

ok? the equivalency to it — would be treating a wife who is abused regularly by giving her a helmet to take more beatings.

how is anyone supposed to look at the psychological and psychiatric community as compassionate — when they are handing out helmets? who actually do they work for?

see………… these are the things i was realizing all the time you were gaslighting me. these are the things i didn’t get to talk to anyone about — because you can’t get them to listen, and they’ll shut you down. gaslight you and shut you down. tell you that you think too much, that you are exaggerating things, or they outright lie and tell you that you don’t make sense. when you could not be setting out the points more clearly, for them to understand.

i still get shut down a lot, and realize that it’s more or less a lack of capacity. like trying to run a 20 gig system on a 16 gig hard drive. but still …………. i get tired. i don’t mind talking to the keyboard. but some day, it would be nice to have real human beings learn what it means to not be unhappy little conformists.

the biggest burden of all, the biggest abuse those who are gaslighted have to carry …. is how unhappy the gaslighters are. having to witness all that misery, while the misery tries to say it’s somehow you’re fault they are unhappy.

so for those who have gaslighted me in the past … i truly hope you find joy in your life somehow and can shed the fear and need to suppress the minds and ideas of others. i hope you can stop gaslighting once a cure for this social illness starts to spread.

for those who wish to gaslight me in the future ………… i will keep myself receptive. but i DO note occurrences of gaslighting, and in close friends or family i see it as a symptom … a possible indication that i am not doing enough to alleviate fear in that loved one.

but i don’t take the gaslighting part and apply it to me. to gaslight in the first place is to invalidate yourself in my eyes. i have no problem recognizing mental abuse these days. because i am not inundated and surrounded by it. i am not spun into accepting gaslighting as normal and how things should be.

i am not the abused person … running back to their tormentor because it is the only normal they know. i SEE the light at the end of the tunnel. and it is BEAUTIFUL.

so the gaslighters and conformist society they represent, can go to hell. and i say that in loving and forthright way. the symptoms are small but the disease is very large. the tides are turning, though. the young people are more aware, and able to see things a little better. though they are going to run into new traps, and new ways of gaslighting others.

again … it comes down to fear in the gaslighter. and they somehow justify hurting others with that fear.

Slavery

yes we know you had 4
when houses were ten thousand a pop
before it became more important to own
a mortgage than a home

before children came with a price tag on their head
one that governed how much opportunity you can afford
to buy for each child

winners and losers
the great race to save nuts and
propagate

rising levels of greed surpass
rising levels of home prices
and the question of the day becomes
not how long can we keep this up?
but how long before reality catches up
to the american dream …

because something real and desperate
is more meaty than something fake and sure

gnaw the bones:
i have lived and loved
and seen the best and worst in humans

nothing dismays quite so much
as the bragging over children
and how that somehow equates to
a better view of the self

i don’t understand how that works
never did
it never computed to me how my individual
existence is supposed to augment
the existence of those who spit me out …

it just doesn’t matter
once you are an individual
your accomplishments (or lack thereof)
are your own

and some of us choose not to be
a mortgage, or own our children
because in the end
all you own is your time … taken to help
or to hurt

i have lived and loved
and seen the best and worst in humans
but the thing that gets me
is so many processes are bought and sold
that ceased to hold any value long ago

what gets me
is i can’t force anyone to understand
the dangers of envy

i can’t design a way to relegate the absolutes of pride
all i can do …
is say i’m so proud that you’re proud

while i feel a deep sorrow
that living must be vicariously performed
until levels of pride equal levels of emptiness
and i mourn

i wonder at what has been taken away
what opportunities
what love and pride in self-made construct

pity overwhelms me
and then guilt – for what part
of my own bloodline saw to it that
singular/individual dreams were quashed?

i hope the world holds better
for those needing pride in their children
i truly do
because i NEVER wanted anyone
EVER to say “i’m proud of you.”

i always thrilled more
to hear
“Good God, what have you done now?”

And i never know the answer to that.
It always comes out in the wash

Trapping

Ever one to pull the grade
Songs of silence
Never made

 

Pull the truth
Begin the pact
When icing is a cake
On tract

 

To storm and rage
The ever-flow
The wit on stage
Begins to blow

 

And as I look
For peace and smiles
In patience for
A little while …

 

I round the round
In rounder styles