buttons and bows and ties to the nose

she didn’t help us dress up
or put on make up

at all
as in not one tiny bit
when we were kids
she’d put curlers in our hair
that’s about the most, ever

i used to think love was diminished

until i saw a mom
take her daughter around
to the college parties
so that the mom could drink beer
while the daughter flirted with
the boys …

she wanted to escape, that daughter
like a slave held against her will
a thing of value

to be traded … to be traded.

so that was the moment when i became
my grandmother’s friend
the moment that i realized love takes
all kinds of forms

is hidden sometimes
in things people DON’T do


that was when she and i
began to talk for hours over the phone

she probably thought it was all the
education i got at school….opening
me up to long conversations

but it was that mom
taking her daughter from party to party
known by all the college kids as the
worst parent ever

it was realizing what i had
a love that wasn’t buttons and bows
but was so much more

facades don’t fly in our family
in our family
love is not owing someone
for dressing you up just
like them — love was being in debt
for how much they saw of the real you

i think of that
when i notice girls dressed up
by doting mothers

the thing i used to be jealous about
until i changed my mind
while watching a mom trade on the beauty
of her daughter
as she tipped
the red cups of foamed paradise
into her gullet

i think how much more i was loved
or at least tended … held as a value
above any price
in this universe and out

and i weep for the loss of a parent’s parent
who really didn’t want to be a mom, again
but did it anyway
in HER own way
a grandma that couldn’t give two farts about frills and lace
down to earth
salt of the earth

there were much more important things to do
the world is full of hardship, yours only a
small part

beauty doesn’t last
just don’t be late for supper

and wipe your feet when you come into the house
but stop slamming that door, for God sakes!

and the thing is, it was beauty
a different kind of beauty
a different set of buttons and bows
we were given the kind
you can’t trade

can only smile at how life is funny
so funny above it all

what is given is given from love

at this point i just slammed them for being envious of poor people. because that is what we have going on with alt right fits over charity programs. they are jealous of poor people.

the white trailer trash class level applied, put applications in at some point and they weren’t poor enough to qualify for foodstamps. not needy enough to require help. so they are angry and envious of the people that are poorer. it is the weirdest thing i’ve seen in 1000 lifetimes.

because i’ve never had any trouble becoming poorer. that’s something i’ve never had a problem doing. and it’s not like government programs have any ambiguity. you are either poor enough or not to need help from them.

they don’t tell you their cutoff levels ahead of time. the schedule is not posted. but it’s all based on need, and for some things a criminal record can be cause for denial.

but these yahoos are spitting with jealousy about wanting the charity money or goods that go to poor people.

and i’m not sure what to think on that. there’s not a lot of literature addressing the situation of somewhat badly off people writhing in envy over very bad off people.

i’m trying to understand why, when they have a kitchen cupboard full of cherio boxes, they want to take the ONE cherio box from the guy getting something to live.

it was like how people freaked out that any poor folk had the luxury of a refrigerator. it made no sense, because that’s one of the government standards …. it’s not a request put in or anything else. it’s a government standard for living. so what the heads of manipulation division 101 were doing, was they were trying to get the government to DROP their requirement of a refrigerator — so that landlords without refrigerators in their buildings could rent to poor people.

that is what the housing programs are for, btw — to increase standards and eliminate the problem of slum lords. or at least keep it down to something that is not entirely disgraceful for the country. those programs are in place mainly to regulate the conditions the working poor have to deal with, and improve those conditions without a big fanfare.

and you have people that have higher income angry ……….. but why are they so pissed? because they have less disposable income. because their money goes to beer, to parties, to gambling, to whatever ……… and then the money they have left to LIVE on, really IS less than the benefits given to the poor.

so when you have a rage-spittin’ alt-righter foaming at the mouth about all those charity programs that help others ……………. you KNOW they are either:

1. a criminal
2. a drug addict
3. out of control spending
4. or part of manipulating others

there really isn’t a lot of room for me to listen to an argument based on the premise that we SHOULD be envious of poor people.

so their argument is that all that stuff should be given to people higher up the chain … or to build more graveyards, i guess. i don’t know what or where their reasoning comes from.

i’ve seen it for awhile. try to ignore it. i don’t understand how we are supposed to start with a premise that poor people don’t need anything. it’s the friggin definition of poor. i can’t figure out where this weird envy of the poor comes from, except it’s more an evny of LIFE. of lives not riddled with crime or addictions or things that sap money until they don’t know where it goes. that envy eats them up — they want to be the poor person with the “free” cellphone — because they think that makes everything better. or they don’t want others to have free phones, because they don’t get a free phone. even as they grip their 10-times as expensive cellphone to type in how mad they are that the poor get free phones. and why do they have refrigerators?

it’s beyond crazy and into some bizzaro land i can’t describe.

because i don’t even know how they came to these conclusions. it keys in with the entire sort of delusional process that surrounds the term “free.” nothing in life is free. you pay for it somehow, with blood, with sweat, with tears. you pay for it with anger or with defense. with sacrifice and determination. you pay with worry and anxiety. sometimes you even pay for things with helplessness.

but free …. no. and the only reason you can have that gigantic boat-rocker of a gambling hall on wall street — is because the government feeds a direct IV into the country to stabilize the economy — like a ballast. the money or goods they give “free” to poor people, is not going to poor people. it’s going to the grocer down the block, to the apartment owner, to the bus and train lines, to all those services that serve the LOWER CLASS. they support the businesses that serve the lower class, keeping the pricing for them down.

so the lower class attacking the government IV influx to that — is pretty high on the stupid level. it really is.

and the republican maneuver of jerking stocks higher and then cutting the IV … that’s their trademark “turn the boat over” because they are betting on exactly when it will tip.
and then they use the somewhat poor, to be angry and envious of the very poor. and it’s just too much. you can have someone poor in money — but when i have to watch others that are so poor in spirit — it’s really hard. i don’t know how to ask them why they are envious of poor people.

because they will return that they are not, even as they just spit out ten tons of envy. and then that just ADDS to the poorness of their spirit that i have to watch. they can’t see what they’re doing.

and the leaders don’t care, because they have a hoard of money bet on the time the boat will tip over.

i’m just mentally throwing my hands up in the air at this point — doing some italian gestures and you know there is nothing you can do with them. let them stew. but maybe if they think for awhile and ask themselves “WHY am i envious of the charity given to the poor?” maybe if they look at that inside for a bit, they’ll realize they shouldn’t be.

relative differences are all that we have

anything performing measurement inside its own sample is subject to undetected variance.

i’m sure there is a scientific principal out there
or has to be

basically am stating that no reading from within a sample can be presumed absolute.

weight, for instance — is measured by a tool inside its own sample. therefore the tool as well as the sample are subject to variance within an accord.

measuring distance while on a road … both the ruler and the road are on the plane of earth, and so both are subject to undetected variance. basically would be a law for meters, that states that measurement from within a sample cannot be treated as an accuracy.

because it is only measuring differences within a larger correlative process. for example, you could weigh 50 pounds heavier today, and if both you and the scale are affected by the increase in weight — then the variance will go undetected.

so when the CAUSE for (metered) variance is part of a larger set, where the meter itself is a subset — then accuracy is only within a correlative structure of elements, NOT with the measurement itself. in other words, the only thing that can truly be known, is the “yes/no” that all things under the same cause are reacting equally.

the basis of consistent laws, is that they are consistent. if those laws are formatted from within the causal range, then the law itself is only a measurement of bond between reactive elements, not a definitive principle of matter. or rather, it COULD be a definitive principle of matter, but the chances for it to not be a correct law are greater than the chances for it to be a correct law.

what is chaos? random? things that quantify on levels outside of determined principles of measurement. that doesn’t mean they are unstructured. it only means that the structure used for metering is functioning under a different principle. it only means that as that element dances, its rhythm is different. there is absolutely no way to determine if it is you yourself that is displaying a chaotic rhythm, rather than the chaotic dancer.

it’s why i believe that it’s just as possible that the earth is inside a sphere, not on its surface. because from within the causal range, the two positions would look identical.

and it’s why i look at every single scientific principal regarding matter as “isn’t that special.” because any variance can be one carried out upon everything and only effecting some. the driving of scientific law to the point of excruciating and minute measurements … is a little moot when an undetected causal variance could be creating perceived differences. it’s like going off track, and then mapping minute changes in direction while off track.

it seems a little pointless to me. and the odds against stumbling onto something fundamental are pretty high.

it’s the calibration effect. the fact that you are measuring the temperature of the soup while you are floating around in it. it is the reason that you sit in a car and get the odd sensation of moving backward. but it is really the car next to you moving forward.

relative differences.

it’s the reason i take nothing in life seriously. because i know i’m only measuring it from the inside. i know the precarious nature of balance itself. it’s why i stare at the wagon wheel that appears to be slowly moving backwards as it quickly cycles forward, and realize there is no way to know for sure if it isn’t actually moving backwards while causing a forward motion.

the defining principle of life — to make sense of things — consistency. there is no way to know if our measuring sticks are off along with the rest of it. no way to prove anything but the relation to each other, the correlation that can make things appear as if the world is rocking out of control, when it’s standing perfectly still.


probably looking at a month out

there is little question a right wingnut online cabal is planning violence in the united states, based on their version of reality formed from planted propaganda by russia.

the question is if their cabal is led by operatives to carry out coordinated internal attacks on the usa.

they are not mentally stable, and could be a matter of desperation, only. but i’m observing a significant number of mentions regarding “just wait you are going to get yours.”

quantum infinity to the absolute power of erratic thought

re: new concepts in quantum realities.

the thing about every concept, is the same one that plagues calibration. if you have three dials to calibrate audio, at least one has to remain at zero. with no solidified dial, any work to calibrate is only going to be successful by sheer luck. which is fine, if the intent is to spend your time playing with dials. but if your intent is to have a superior audio, then the important part of calibration is what you keep the same. i see theories that venture into areas of non-matter as playing with the dials.

now it’s always possible, that the dial you selected to remain steady, is the one that creates the most differences. so the only way you are going to know that, is if at some point you move that dial. confront other realities. i’m a structural engineer at heart. and an efficiency expert fan. lately i’m trying out the ideology for eliminating the concept of empty space. while science has accepted this for quite some time, that unless you are living in a vacuum, your air is not empty. the reality for most people is that an empty room is empty. that the sky is a wide, open space. that they are not IN something, but that they are ON something. so before science rushes off to disprove the nature of matter itself, they might want to make sure everyone has a working knowledge of it, first. because their other dials aren’t calibrated. so moving that one, will throw it into feedback screeching as surely as…. the sun rises and sets?