The interest rate is sweat

I’m thinking about the effects of jealousy
i had a unique experience of being raised two different ways

first with parents
there were no chores and no allowance
no discipline much
other than outbursts

second way was with my grandmother
where there were chores
AND some chores were paid according to how much work you did

AND there was an understanding
that you were to behave, or else

now i remember being jealous of the kid on the block who got a guitar for Christmas

i remember
those feelings of hopeless envy

with the change to earning my own money
small though it was
i don’t remember ever having those feelings
of jealousy again
except once
when we were forbidden to have a doll that you put make up on,
and my cousin got that doll.

But other than that… even when my cousin got a giant
supermarket pretend set, i wasn’t jealous
i thought it was neat
But i didn’t have that awful feeling

It’s not just out of reach that creates
The worst feelings of jealousy
It’s the oppression combined with that

The sense of unfairness
combined with nothing you can do
on your part
is going to change the unfairness
so it is combined with despair

envy combined with despair

But when given an outlet…
a way to earn your own money
the answers are there

i worked as soon as i could with a permit.

So i could have my own money
and when i got a directive at 17 that no dog was allowed
i got one, anyway.

brought it home
and i worked and i paid
for all of the vet bills
for all of the feeding

and unfortunately my uncle
was stuck with a lot of the dog dirt
when he mowed

maybe i was getting back for the unfairness
of the supermarket play set and the make up doll

hard to say
maybe that was more because i hate that part
of dog ownership quite a lot….

anyway….. feelings of envy
become the big monster we know as jealousy
when combined with inevitable oppression.

something to look at

when you have the path available
to get your heart’s desire
there is no one preventing you but yourself

and a very real question then arises

Is forced to the very front
and that question is:

do i really need it?

The distinction is made between need and want
the process of justification of need

and the process of cost
goes beyond just money and into
the perceptual realm of effort

chores for money

she paid $1 for a bucket of dandelions
and that saved eternity


Feedback always welcome

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s