Sometimes it takes a house falling on you

I’m pretty sure it was my hips all along. Of course, I’m racking my head for other variables that underwent any changes.

I stopped smoking this month — so there is that. I used a different, super cheap brand of sugar that actually clumps like how sugar used to be back in “the day.” But trying to investigate whether sugar manufacturers add a coating of some kind now to prevent clumping — has proved impossible.

Since I’m on the last bag of the old-fashioned sugar, the difference of returning to the current sugar should either confirm or eliminate that variable as a causal agent.

With the smoking, there is some data regarding how tobacco smoking effects bone structure and regeneration. But the data is so extremely slanted AGAINST tobacco, the data is rendered useless. Left with no choice but to place in “there may or may not be an effect” category. I can tell spin when I see it … one of my oddball talents.

So I don’t have much to go on, other than some new exercises I developed myself to reseat my leg bones into the hip better. And the consequences, which is that almost ALL of my backpain is gone. Not only that, I no longer experience pain while standing.

Which I can’t tell you how long it has been …..

over a decade. Maybe two. Where standing for any length of time becomes very painful and I have to shift from leg to leg. Where just going for walks becomes an endurance contest. And how I don’t want to become completely immobile, and so have incorporated walking as part of my way of life. You sort of figure that if it hurts THAT much, then sitting and avoiding using the legs is going to make it worse and worse and more and more painful.

So I have kept going. And I have lived in pain. Lots of pain — always. Maybe a day or two once a month where my mind seemed to rise above and give me a half-way decent day. That was always rare.

And my back is a mess … physically, I have recent MRI’s that show how bad off. Herniated discs, and not just one. Several, in the lower back.

But I’m pretty sure now that all of the issues and problems WITH the back were first caused by slight hip displacements. Or what is called subluxation –in contrast to dislocation.

So it is either that … or the person who has my voodoo doll has died suddenly and is no longer sticking pins in it.

I should note that the improvement happened with the exercises, and the stopping smoking was 2 weeks before that. And the change in type of sugar was a month before that.

So it all lines up more with the new exercises I have developed to adjust my thigh bones into my hip ……….. the hip bone’s connected to the, leg bone. the leg bone’s connected to the, knee bone.

Some times there’s a reason to the various rhymes. Or songs. Everything is connected. Sometimes what is wrong with the back is not IN the back, but the foundation it rests upon.

And I couldn’t tell you how many doctors over the years — how many took xrays and did thousands and thousands of dollars worth of diagnostics with no results or improvement in my physical ability. I had to quit working side jobs, part-time work I would get to earn some extra money. I had to learn to exist solely on my social security. That wasn’t easy, though all in all it has been a good lesson.

The end result is I’ve learned to be frugal. And I’ve sort of counted my blessings, and the days when things hurt a little less– so I could enjoy life a little more without it feeling like an uphill battle.

Now all that …….. dissolved. The headaches … gone. The back hurt … gone. I can walk as much as I need … and I know this is ironic … but what it means is that I can sit as much as I like now. I don’t HAVE to keep moving to keep from having worse issues. I can relax. I can go when I need. I don’t even require HOURS of prep time to get ready and feeling well enough to go anywhere.

And I don’t know what to think of any of it.

Before bed, I bend my knees a bit, and place my hands on my upper thighs, fingers inward. And I put every bit of my weight on my upper legs/femur. It’s a lot of weight. Pushing down like you would to close a suitcase or something — but it’s on your legs.

I also, during the day, put one leg up against the wall — sort of like doing the splits. Put the foot about 3 to 4 feet high on the wall while bracing the other side … and push. All kinds of things pop, then. The knee pops, I’ll sometimes hear a pop in the hip.

The end result of these exercises is that my BODY SIGHS.

Have no other way to explain it. It’s the same sensation as when my arm was broken last summer, and when I finally decide to splint it, my BODY SIGHED. And I fell right asleep.

So anyway ……. that’s what’s going on with me. How are you?

I sure hope others with some back pain read this, and maybe get some good info from it for their own help and relief. With as many people as have back issues when they start getting older, it might be a good thing for society to awake to the fact that ……….. the leg bone connects to the, hip bone … the hip bone connects to the back bone ….. and hear the word of the Lord!

Yea, it makes sense that the foundation needs to be solid, or the walls are going to crumble. Wish I’d thought of it sooner.

It still might all be because of using a different sugar. I doubt it, but I keep things like that in mind. Keep life a little mysterious.

But for the most part ……. for the most part ……. Doc Me believes that in 2003 when it appeared that my back went out, and I had to crawl to the kitchen from the bedroom to make my coffee — it wasn’t my back that was out, even though it was the back that hurt. It was the hip that was out.

And that is why the back hurt most when I walked, but not only when I walked. I could no longer lie on my back in bed — had to lie on my side or stomach. Even though that made my breathing worse. So having the hips not correctly in place caused a sleep apnea as well, reducing nightly oxygen levels. All leading to a sense of malaise that fluctuated according to activity levels and how far out of adjustment the bones into the hip joint were.

In 2013, when I used a back brace to be able to go on walks at all — I ended up with numb toes. They are still numb to this day. I basically forced my back into a position that could function, at least for awhile — with the out-of-place hips. With the bad foundation.

Anyway ……… I’m just trying to explain, and I hope it doesn’t sound completely nuts. I really do. But you can’t imagine what it is like to stand and do dishes ……. just doing dishes and not feel like it is an endurance contest. It’s so weird — and amazing.

But also I am highly puzzled why any of us …. why anybody can go to doctor after doctor after doctor and get dozens of xrays and MRI’s and everything else ………… without a single one, not one —– having a look at the hips and considering what might actually be causing problems.

Though I myself feel kind of stupid for not thinking of it sooner. In my defense, it’s hard to think straight when life is constantly about overriding pain. Constantly about rising above and putting your essence somewhere away from your physical body. Constantly out there … somewhere.

So I’m good.

I don’t know what I’ll do next. Maybe go to Disneyland?


So U quit Smoking 2? Let’s feel superior together

I don’t believe in quitting itself. With the point that what you do or achieve is not what you are. I don’t brag about quitting cheesecake … but i have quit it. Lol. I quit watching so much tv. I quit eating breakfast. Decided breakfast was bad.

This is fun….. how many things have i quit in life? I quit soda pop. Was drinking 2 cases of pop a week. I quit that years ago. I quit drinking wine. Or beer. Or any alcohol. I quit going commando under jeans. Lol … i quit tea recently. Caused kidney stones.

I quit going to doctors for ailments. Now look them up online. Use home remedies or figure out better ways myself. I quit eating out … funny thing about that … it went hand in hand with quitting driving. Ends the temptation to go to a drive through.

I quit drinking coffee for awhile. That didn’t last. I stopped jogging for exercise at one point. Took up walking instead. I quit going to a gym years ago, it turned into such a racket that i couldn’t stand the entire club scene. I quit trying diet after diet. After diet.

I quit going to church for a long time in my life. Now I’m hooked on it again. I used to spend hours shopping. Now i go in and out. Mostly. Try not to get distracted. I used to pay absolutely no attention to politics. So that stopped.

I’ve quit reading as much as i used to. That was a very hard thing to quit, and I’m backsliding some. I quit wearing flip flops. Mostly because getting old and my bones are not as strong. I quit depending on food only for vitamins, and take vitamin pills now.

I quit being as nice as I used to be. I quit that–turns out it’s not very good for your health. I quit living for one day at a time and I quit believing in life eternal. Go figure, “all things in moderation” applies to philosophy, too.

I stopped trying to compete in areas where I already proved myself inept. Recently I’ve quit owning chaos and am ordering all of life like a squirrel counting its nuts. Proved myself inept at that before, turns out it’s an age thing.

I quit buying or wearing different colored socks. I have black and white. That’s good enough. I quit buying shoes that are too small for me, just because I liked the fashion. If anything, the entire world should praise me for quitting that. But smoking? Please.

Some of the best people I have ever known in my life were/are smokers. That correlation didn’t happen by accident. There is something about the ability to interrupt anything, and take a moment to sit and watch your breath dissolve into the air. Things in life are too often socked into good or bad. More often than not, they are both.

If you want a prize or medal for doing something or not doing something, well that negates the entire point doesn’t it? Good choices are their own reward. Each step is one more to the grave, regardless. And if today can be happy, isn’t that the most any can hope for?

So often crowd manipulation takes on a life outside reality. Never make it your guiding star. Never. Rebellion is too important. Experimentation is too important. Take it from an old broad. Life itself is too important. Faith has its roots in what we know and don’t know.

There are a lot of things I’ve quit. I pretty much don’t count the days or pat myself on the back for any of them. Life is a continuous formula. The entrance or exit of one variable is little cause for celebration. Happy Pi day.

Oh … I quit pie, too. Can’t make crust worth a darn anymore. lol…

The science of Sounds and Grunts

The best way to understand English
Is to realize it’s not about meaning of words

English is grunts.

Think of all the vowel sounds,
and some of the consonant ones like S and TH
as grunts

and there are more than one sound per letter on vowels
has what we call long and short — germans have umlats

the meaning or “grunt” is the actual meaning of the word

so when someone says, “that SUCKS!” they aren’t saying it pulls on something

they are using the vowel sound of UGH … yuck ….putz …stuck … muck

duck? maybe too much duck poop at one point

so English has meaning that is not randomly assigned to the terms,
but gains much of meaning through use, or the grunt factor

we grunt “Aye!” in agreement ……… Aye Aye!!! comes with a yes meaning for that sound

bye sigh why my die lie ……… they are all absolutes

I know it’s hard to accept, and I’ve never before heard anyone state this,
but English at its foundation is grunting at each other.

RRRRRRR sound … is an anger sound.

Our use of language, is why I don’t find the “coming from apes”
part of evolution very implausible

because we grunt like apes at each other, in English

and you know, how some people speak, and it just rubs you the wrong way?

that’s because some of their grunts are inverted, probably due to location
or exposure to a cultural change of some kind

so i ended that last line with “i” …….. it means: YES!

dum de dum in the WH ends his tweets with “Sad!”

the sort of short E sound …… what is that in grunts?

“THERE!!!! THERE!!! or in spanish — ESTA!!!

that one …………….. pointing out a problem

you have to respond, yes, get them … or no, that’s not it.

so it’s complex … but it’s not


English is just a language that developed WITH the inbuilt grunts of meaning, not despite of it.

Short “I” — the small-range yuck sound.

Why this information is handy ……. is because the most important part of poetry is always the close.

the last thing said before expecting response.

what KIND of grunt you use at the ending — effects the selection of response

Hissing noise ……. the “S” sound … spitting — anger

it’s not hard

But it becomes so incredibly insane in the outcomes, with expectations for response …that
you cannot imitate american english, no matter how well you use it

there is no way for a foreign person to process the grunts fast enough
to realize the correct grunt reply — or to understand how those cliches
match geographic and timelines

therefore …….. i’m calling it a day

“hey — long A — eyyyy” means “let it be so”

“oh … yo… mow … go” means “now i see”

there is an underlying code of language
the grunts of meaning


made so that you can say something ……
can say whatever …. and that’s not what you really mean

“E … long E …. eeeeee … tree … bee … me” means THIS THIS –here here — or food here

which considering we made the self designation as ME … is a little disturbing 🙂

i’m not sure how i know the grunting sounds ………. might be from watching too much tarzan
which would make it a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of observation, but for one thing:

when i worked at the hospital
and a patient lost their speaking ability due to a stroke
they could still grunt

and i could interpret the grunts
i was the only one that could

but they were there
the foundation of meaning hardwired into the brain

think about it

(short “I” sound means ….)

this is what is meant by phonetics, btw
how sound and meaning have a connection beyond singular designations of meaning for terms

there is a collective meaning

according to the grunts

“U … uh … dumb … plumb” means the punch to gut or the belch

then when you get into the higher language, of better literature … the grunts disappear.
in some sense, it’s more complicated without the grunt running through it. as a separate code.
you must have the actual meanings memorized in a usable format with a foundation of several hundred working terms

but in some ways … in some ways … the use of direct-term meaning (minus grunts) is boring
is LESS complex — and there that is why it puts you to sleep

that is why some teachers put you to sleep
and some wake you up and become invigorating to hear

it’s why there are degrees of what is and is not interesting

and it’s why …. it’s why ………. language and English can be far more intriguing than math

think about it

i have

life is too short

“Or … more … sore … bore” means “of course” or “certainly”

and don’t tell me this is crazy

or even think this is crazy ……. i’ve thought about this a long time
that patient
where i could understand her when no one else could?

i was a young woman preggers with my daughter ……

preggers = pregnant ………. why preggers? why indeed

“A … short A ” means “THERE! THERE!” and “RRRRR … RRRR…” means what? Anger

in changing the word pregnant to the word preggers — it went from excitement to upset

and that, my friends — is how english is built and grows
it’s how we work the code
and how the various layers create almost a live creature

stretching and moving and becoming a mirror image
of the people it occupies

Peace … Love … and Mock and Dole 🙂 (AHHHH OHHHHH …. uh oh –you’re in trouble) that’s a duel-grunt. we have those, too
My my

The interest rate is sweat

I’m thinking about the effects of jealousy
i had a unique experience of being raised two different ways

first with parents
there were no chores and no allowance
no discipline much
other than outbursts

second way was with my grandmother
where there were chores
AND some chores were paid according to how much work you did

AND there was an understanding
that you were to behave, or else

now i remember being jealous of the kid on the block who got a guitar for Christmas

i remember
those feelings of hopeless envy

with the change to earning my own money
small though it was
i don’t remember ever having those feelings
of jealousy again
except once
when we were forbidden to have a doll that you put make up on,
and my cousin got that doll.

But other than that… even when my cousin got a giant
supermarket pretend set, i wasn’t jealous
i thought it was neat
But i didn’t have that awful feeling

It’s not just out of reach that creates
The worst feelings of jealousy
It’s the oppression combined with that

The sense of unfairness
combined with nothing you can do
on your part
is going to change the unfairness
so it is combined with despair

envy combined with despair

But when given an outlet…
a way to earn your own money
the answers are there

i worked as soon as i could with a permit.

So i could have my own money
and when i got a directive at 17 that no dog was allowed
i got one, anyway.

brought it home
and i worked and i paid
for all of the vet bills
for all of the feeding

and unfortunately my uncle
was stuck with a lot of the dog dirt
when he mowed

maybe i was getting back for the unfairness
of the supermarket play set and the make up doll

hard to say
maybe that was more because i hate that part
of dog ownership quite a lot….

anyway….. feelings of envy
become the big monster we know as jealousy
when combined with inevitable oppression.

something to look at

when you have the path available
to get your heart’s desire
there is no one preventing you but yourself

and a very real question then arises

Is forced to the very front
and that question is:

do i really need it?

The distinction is made between need and want
the process of justification of need

and the process of cost
goes beyond just money and into
the perceptual realm of effort

chores for money

she paid $1 for a bucket of dandelions
and that saved eternity