How now brown cow
Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack said it was a candle stick
Jack gaslighted and said no
The candlestick is a bird
The silliest story you’ve ever heard
And Jill left puzzled
Went her way
Perhaps Jack would fly candles
Like a bird some day
For the world is fair
And horizons are vast
And Jack can take that candlestick
And shove it up his….
Mary mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
In a world of pain
With fear open wide
Bathed in the gaslight’s glow
Little Jack Horner
Sat in his corner
Watching the world go by
Feelings went numb
Drained on a plumb
Said what a good gaslighter am I!
99 bottles of beer on a wall
99 bottles of beer!
Take one down
Pass it around
200 bottles of beer on the wall
Because the gaslighter
Itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
Baa baa black sheep drank the spider out
Have you any wool?
Yes sir yes SIR
12 spiders full
And some day there’s some
Who never see the light
Who only hate a friend
And hurt a friend this night
Some day the sum of matters
Will dawn in every mind
Then numbers will sigh a large sigh
For calculations that worked to be kind…
Little miss muffet
Swore on her tuffet
Tired of blurbs and ways
Along came a sheep
Who coughed out a spider
And frightened miss muffet
To never trust sheep
And she scared all the spiders away
Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?
The gaslighter spins
And the huff and puff
Only blows themselves in
Little boy blue will blow the horn…
But for me
I will diminish and remain galadrial
Oh my bonnie lies over the ocean
The silence lies over the seas
But round and round the gaslighter bush
Only anger comes back to me…
Have you ever seen
A sky so blue?
12 spiders full
What happens when you break a sense of humor?
It babbles nursery rhymes
And laughs and laughs
What happens when you call yourself perfect?
You gaslight others to keep it that way
What day did the Lord rest on?
The first one because the rest came after
Do you know how many gaslighters it takes to screw in a light bulb?
One to say a lightbulb is unnecessary
And another to hide it in the light socket
A gaslighter, a duck, and a priest walk into a bar
The gaslighter says “don’t give me that!”
The priest and the duck had said nothing
The gaslighter says “you never understand me!” The priest says a hail Mary, the duck quacks, and the gaslighter steps through the mirror behind the bar and vanishes.
The priest pours beer over the duck
Which of course rolls off its back
And the priest eats the beer mug
Crunching the glass
And staring blankly at the mirror.
He finally asks, “who do you suppose that guy was talking to?”
“Beats me,” says the duck…”he seemed a bit put out”
“He did, didn’t he?” Says the priest
Blood dribbling down his chin.
“Wait a second, you talked!”
He turned to the duck, and the duck
raised his wings in the air and shrugged…..
“That guy finally found who he was arguing with. Are you going to stop chewing glass?”
The priest looks down at his broken glass….”are you going to fly into that mirror?”
And he chews the glass and swallows, pets the duck with his other hand
And then picks it up and throws it at the mirror
The duck flaps and feathers are everywhere and it finally gets itself sat back down again next to the priest. “What did you do that for????!!!” Screams the duck. The priest said, “I had to see if the mirror is real.”
The duck says, “oh” and he turned and squinted at the mirror. “Well….is it?” The priest said, “no.”
And he stood up and walked through the mirror and disappeared.
The duck sat for a minute, and then grinned. And I’ll tell you, if you’ve never seen a duck grin, it’s a very frightening sight. And he started humming, the song sort of drifted through the bar. Very haunting, it was. “Look on the bright side of life…” And the duck vanished in the twinkling of an eye.
A gaslighter, a priest, and a duck never walked out of the bar. But somewhere in that other world, the duck talks, the priest dies painfully, and the gaslighter sits on a stump listening to the duck talk, with no glass to chew, and he yelled, “I’m sorry you feel that way!”
The duck blinked back to the bar, got a beer, and blinked back to the gaslighter, handing him the beer. The gaslighter poured the beer on the duck, which of course it just ran off like water off a duck. And the gaslighter started chewing the glass.
The duck cocked his head and looked at him. Then smiled. And I’ll tell you, that’s one frightening smile. And the duck flew away. The gaslighter yelled after him, “What do you know about any of it???!!!”
The duck is soaring through the sky as the morning sun begins to rise, painting the world shades of red and pink.
The duck hums… And never ever talks again.
Please look on the bright side of life
Don’t be a duck
Don’t be a priest
Don’t be a gaslighter
Be a sunrise.
And if someone invites you to go to a bar, ask them if it has a mirror.