I am so exhausted
From people who try to gaslight
I recognize it now
But part of me weeps for all the times
I just took it
On a side note
Why does this keyboard NOT recognize the word “ass” but it
Spells but “butt”
? One of the ironies of life
I consider butt the more offensive word
A technique of language
Many of the tells are known phrases
“You don’t know what you are talking about”
“If you say so”
“Excuse me?” (Insinuating rudeness)
I don’t feel like listing them all
I’m sure a nice psychology book somewhere
Has the complete list of gaslighting phrases
The interesting thing is they are sayings
And phrases that I myself don’t use
Have never used
I don’t turn into them and fight fire with fire
Because it just spreads gaslighting behavior farther
Communities that gaslight are unhappy communities
It seems to be power plays
But all they’re doing is a round robin of who
To hurt next
And I’m lucky to have found a community that doesn’t gaslight
California is saturated with it
Externalization of internal puzzlement
It’s a way of conformist sociological practices
So that any deviation
Something minor as clothing, even
Gets a “what’s wrong with you”
That one is especially evil
Because it takes something that is good
And shows concern: what is wrong?
And turns it into a gaslight phrase for
So I have never used the phrases myself
Because I always knew they were bad
Didn’t have a word for it: gaslighting
My mind clicks the person themselves
Into a category
With degrees according to how badly they are afflicted with
The problem of needing to gaslight others
I’ve done this for a long time
And I’ve had a pretty good stretch now of not
Being exposed to gaslighters much
What happens with that
Is they now stand out to me like they have
A giant neon sign on their heads
Word of advice…. if you need to attempt to delegitimize
An entire person
Rather than face something that makes you uncomfortable
Then maybe the one you should deligitimize
And stop listening to
Maybe you should take all those gaslighting phrases
And shove them up your ass….butt
“You don’t mean that!”
Why yes I do mean that
“You can’t be serious. ”
Why yes, why yes I am
“You just assume things”
Why no, no I don’t in fact
I investigate and analyze for long hours
Of fact gathering and conclusion
It’s quite a lot of work
So hard work is dismissed, too
As some kind of useless thing you engage in
Like thinking and deliberating internally the truths
Is completely useless
So they gaslight that, too
The irony, of course
Is they are trying to get you to conform
Because their life or livelihood somehow depends
On that conformity
So I DO have pity for it
Butt I don’t tolerate it any more
There’s that butt again….
Life is too short
God is real
Don’t take any wooden nickels
Tell gaslighters to go light themselves on fire
You’re all burned up
Because I swear it’s enough
Nothing like living in the cloud of gaslight
Everything you decide to do gets criticized
“I really don’t see what your problem is. ”
Incorrect grammar for their top sayings hits, too
And for the consummate gaslight
You need to start recognizing
When you are dismissing a person
Saying their perspective or view is invalid
Because I’ll tell you
I’ve been right all along
And I set the gaslighters into wrong catagories
Of possibly too stupid to live
Because gaslight IS from inferior thinking processes
That need the collective conformity to have any chance for survival
I can appreciate that
But the fear
I do not appreciate
The afraid of new ideas or thought
I do not appreciate
The stifling of creative contribution
Until you have geniuses scribbling little pictures
And you tell everyone they are artists…..
Really…… what kind of world?
What kind of crippled existence….
How many bells
Do I have to ring
Before the death
How much does it need
For you to know your time has come?
I can list all the gaslighting phrases
I’ve heard every one directed at me
Every barb intended to invalidate
Can list them all
Could even write a program to recognize
Send an alarm bell to you that you are gaslighting
Because apparently my looks of dismay
Have never been enough
What I’m saying
Is it’s SO obvious
I always flagged gaslighters immediately
I just never let on
“What makes you so special?”
Why, I’m glad you asked!
I started out not wanting to hurt others
If you watch big bang theory at all….Leonard and Penny continually gaslight each other. They both try to gaslight Sheldon, and he just ignores them. But he has to ignore them so much, that Sheldon is then left with very little in guidance for how the rest of the world expects him to behave. As they grow closer, the frequency of the gaslighting goes down. They aren’t attacking Sheldon–Penny is not attacking Sheldon as much, and is protecting mother-like instead. Sheldon is realizing ways that he should adopt to somehow become a better more likable person.
I know I’m weird, I study all this. The writers of the show are Jewish, it’s kind of like looking at lessons told in a parable or fable. And I think there is some real wisdom there.
I have been gaslighted my entire life up until salt lake community I now am in. I never just ignored it like Sheldon does, water off the duck of a back. I always allowed the hit and the pain, because for one thing it’s different parameters for a woman. A seemingly heartless woman is feared. Gaslighters are already filled with fear.
When someone says “don’t be that way” … the attempt to dominate comes from a source of fear. Gaslighting is catching. It generally catches from the gaslighter to the gaslighted. So those who are gaslighted in turn become gaslighters. Sort of the way people who are abused as children become abusers. And yes, gaslighting is a type of mental abuse.
The abuser needs to abuse someone, so the most receptive person to the gaslighting will be selected. If you play your cards right, you can get them to direct all their barbs at you, and leave other people alone. And I really wonder or puzzle at the degree of mental abuse gong on in some communities. And then people go crazy and they blame the person that they broke for having a problem and not being able to take it any more.
There is definitely something good about removing toxic people in your life, people who work to break you. Though I wouldn’t call them toxic, they are gaslighters. They are choosing to be gaslighters. To be hurtful people and in some fashion they are validating their role in keeping conformity, where conformity is the only view of function.
And I’ve worked on enough computers, to realize that conformity is NOT the only way to function. It is if problems are huge and need to be fixed en mass. But not when they are not huge, when there are already laws and guidelines. Schematics for circuit board assembly.
If you fix an hp design, it’s not going to fix a Lenovo. And that’s a good thing, because the hp fix might be the wrong direction. Only way to know, is if that change is not applied to other machines. So that’s why too much conformity in a society or community, is bad. On more levels than one.
And the gaslighting needs to stop. Those phrases need to die. Because the ones you’re gassing out are the inventors and thinkers…. And it’s why you have the same fire hydrant design as a hundred years ago. And maybe I’ll mention that the orange blob in the white house is a gaslighter. That’s why I hate him so much. In a position to spread gaslighting…. The mental abuse of gaslighting….. And infect more people.
Bullying is kind of a type of gaslighting. Or they are both techniques of mental abuse. None of this is that hard to understand. Psychologists should be taking patients first thing and sitting them down and list who they have in their lives. List the people, and run a few questions to identify the problem-people who are mentally abusive.
Help the patient remove those people from their lives. Watch them get better. Watch them learn to identify mental abusers, and not allow them in the first place. But instead you throw medication at the patient so that they can stand more abuse. And I just don’t see the efficiency of that.
ok? the equivalency to it — would be treating a wife who is abused regularly by giving her a helmet to take more beatings.
how is anyone supposed to look at the psychological and psychiatric community as compassionate — when they are handing out helmets? who actually do they work for?
see………… these are the things i was realizing all the time you were gaslighting me. these are the things i didn’t get to talk to anyone about — because you can’t get them to listen, and they’ll shut you down. gaslight you and shut you down. tell you that you think too much, that you are exaggerating things, or they outright lie and tell you that you don’t make sense. when you could not be setting out the points more clearly, for them to understand.
i still get shut down a lot, and realize that it’s more or less a lack of capacity. like trying to run a 20 gig system on a 16 gig hard drive. but still …………. i get tired. i don’t mind talking to the keyboard. but some day, it would be nice to have real human beings learn what it means to not be unhappy little conformists.
the biggest burden of all, the biggest abuse those who are gaslighted have to carry …. is how unhappy the gaslighters are. having to witness all that misery, while the misery tries to say it’s somehow you’re fault they are unhappy.
so for those who have gaslighted me in the past … i truly hope you find joy in your life somehow and can shed the fear and need to suppress the minds and ideas of others. i hope you can stop gaslighting once a cure for this social illness starts to spread.
for those who wish to gaslight me in the future ………… i will keep myself receptive. but i DO note occurrences of gaslighting, and in close friends or family i see it as a symptom … a possible indication that i am not doing enough to alleviate fear in that loved one.
but i don’t take the gaslighting part and apply it to me. to gaslight in the first place is to invalidate yourself in my eyes. i have no problem recognizing mental abuse these days. because i am not inundated and surrounded by it. i am not spun into accepting gaslighting as normal and how things should be.
i am not the abused person … running back to their tormentor because it is the only normal they know. i SEE the light at the end of the tunnel. and it is BEAUTIFUL.
so the gaslighters and conformist society they represent, can go to hell. and i say that in loving and forthright way. the symptoms are small but the disease is very large. the tides are turning, though. the young people are more aware, and able to see things a little better. though they are going to run into new traps, and new ways of gaslighting others.
again … it comes down to fear in the gaslighter. and they somehow justify hurting others with that fear.