Escalation

I spent my childhood silent

Today i would be diagnosed autistic

After the plane accident and death of my parents

I saw no reason to be friendly

I found no great qualities in others to desire their company

I closed up and simply did not speak

Not until junior year of high school

When i decided to give life a go

Decided that if i didn’t like things

I needed to change things

It was so long ago….

But no

I did not need to ever learn how to stay silent as a child

Because i never spoke

Please don’t make me weep…

It was so long ago

I was so lost

And nobody cared

Nobody understood

The impact…. How much of me died with them!

How much of me

How much is in ashes with that mass grave in California

How much it took

To care enough to come back

And say you know what,

this world is mine, too

I was a stubborn child

But i only watched as the world went by

Kept my judgements to myself

And you know what i learned?

To count as precious ANY communication

To never shush

To never hush

To always treasure every moment of chaos

Because order is so very painful

Alone

Silence is golden?

Perhaps.

But to my ears

It is the weeping that never stops

Endless cries inside

That nobody else heard

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