it’s always about the reminder of your own mortality…
“don’t ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee”

i’ve looked at it many different ways, you know

from “what if nobody died ” and the result that
would have to be a world without children
because there’s no room at the inn…

or if everyone went to heaven
but somehow found purpose in doing nothing

an energy cloud that spirits return to
which i actually think is the most likely

energy never dies, it just goes somewhere else

electricity is grabbed out of the air
so your great grandfather
is running your computer
or the vacuum…

it’s always looking for ground
to be free again

though i imagine electricity is what is used
to think, but not the person
only a tool

and the person is temporary
has an expiration date
a collection of molecules that some day will be dissolved again

often, it’s offspring that are considered the keys to an immortality of some sort
which is a practical way of approaching death

one sort of mind blowing thought…
is that for each person that dies,
it is the end of the world

because the world is seen and experienced
from that foundation of self

so i think the way around death
is to NOT make life all about you, the self
but to realize the continuity
and continuance happens regardless
if you are there to observe

but the other thing
is your spirit needs to be in a good place
when dying… and not staring down the gates of hell

there have been times
bad times when i knew that if i died in that moment
my spirit or life would be in a worse state
a hopeless and terrible place

and i don’t know how to explain it,
except in those moments, i am unable to touch
the foundation of life with my mind.

unable to dream, perhaps
or exist apart from the physical

so in that way,
i know there are bad ways to die
if you are not a dreamer
or if an illness is so severe it ties
the spirit
cruelly and harshly binds it
to the body

and i want my mind already halfway home
before the spirit needs to travel there

and we all probably just turn to dust
and that’s all there is…
it’s actually the most likely scenario

but i never understood how to fear death
or it didn’t make sense
to regret something that is going to be inevitable anyway

and it always seemed kind of silly
that people needed to tell themselves to live
each day like it’s your last

never computed for me

because after at least a week of it not being
your last day, even the most dense would have
to concede that maybe tomorrow will arrive on schedule

….. so i’ve looked at a lot of ways of looking at death

i think the idea of heaven is really nice
but since i have never existed in spirit
without a body, i don’t know how that is supposed to work,
or if it works.

but it’s definitely easier to think of those
who have died while you still live… to think of them as in heaven
or in the spirit realm
or watching over as angels, though i’m not sure what they are supposed to do the rest of the time

it’s easier to think there are just some things we don’t know
and that in some form or fashion,
death is a difference of state
but not an absense of state

i also don’t understand why people
insist you have to believe in heaven to go there
i should think that wouldn’t make any kind of difference

it puts WAY too much importance on your own belief system
when that always changes and grows

if i decide to stop learning,
that is when i die. my mind is what lives,
in this moment
and must continue on while it can

and i don’t ask “for whom the bell tolls ”
i only wonder why bells exist

i only wonder what man was thinking
to make a big clapper and noise
when silence is how eternity breathes
through even the most stubborn dreams

i gave away my ticket to grandma, by the way
told her if i earned heaven at all, she could have it

to never worry
because i would see to it
she had my seat

and i’ll go to dust
and be proud of it
i always was a stubborn child….

will see you in my dreams
and don’t worry about death, ever

it’s one of those things
we live and learn

and at some point we die and disassemble
it doesn’t mean the living was useless

one smile is all you need
and i can’t help but believe
that those who were gracious in life
are more than adequately gracious in death

it’s always about the reminder of your own mortality…
“don’t ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee”

Look … i understand that some kind of belief in
what death is or isn’t
makes people comfortable
WITH those who have the belief

and i just don’t have enough information
and i’m not really keen on knowing death more
the two bodies in college offered to the class for
dissection was enough

quite enough …

more than anything
i believe it is silly to think
that you have to believe in this or that hypothesis
in order for that reality to exist for your human self

since any reality is going to exist anyway
despite your belief in it or not

see, that part is what i don’t get
or rather, i get that it’s used to spread belief
and enforce it more … i get that
but i don’t understand the willingness
to keep something like the fear of death
in a religious arsenal

it’s all very confusing
and there are many horrifying things …. many!

many “what ifs” that are NOT pleasant
like what if you stay in your body after it is dead?
like in an observation way and a feeling way
so the body is gone, but you are still in it, staring out
for eternity? that would pretty much be terrible

what if you ARE electricity, and get trapped in the
maze that IS computers? a complete hell for electricity that is, undeniably.

what if humans DO achieve immortality, and stop death or aging with science?
because i know humans will only use it to set up eternal torture
for those they hate — and to have that influence

nothing like having a real, actual hell to put someone in
they would use that power

what if souls go back to the collective
but the collective is largely evil?

what if this is as good as it gets?

so i don’t worry too much about what death is or
how any of it fits in with the scope of things

mainly because WHAT I BELIEVE is that the reality
occurs with or without my comprehension of it — that is my belief.

it’s not a popular one
it’s actually the biggest acknowledgement of a higher power and God, though

to face your own mortality ……..
i like the story “the death of ivan illich”
but there are many literary works that cover the subject
a whole type called existentialism … which always translated to me as “depressing”

not a fun place to explore
the sharing of that spirit, a life enamored with death …
it’s something you see and then go, “ok, then, i don’t want to be like that.”

and you’d be surprised how many depressing scenarios arise from the belief in heaven…
how it might not be the answer
to automatic bliss …………….. so i have looked at a lot of things

when it comes to death
but mostly there is a gate that shuts
where you know nobody is coming back

all you can do is wish them well
and not be afraid


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