for the love of God and pink ballet slippers in closed shoe boxes with blue lids

well, I weary over the attitude that as female, I must appear certain ways to be acceptable. and it all is time consuming, when i’d rather be … gardening. rather be doing something more productive with my time. but if I don’t take the time, to apply some lipstick and powder, to fix the hair — then the response to me is horrible! men will actively sneer at me as I walk down the street. i’m not even sure what that means. I just know that it stops if make myself up like some kind of window display with no soul.

I would rather spend my time productively. I don’t know what is so hard about that to understand. if men were socially forced to spend this much of their time primping, they would have a rebellion. or they would invent less time consuming ways.

I want eyeshadow on a stick, blush on a stick — I want a 2 minute face! but instead — the ones selling cosmetics, work to make the process MORE time consuming, and more complicated. and they are ridiculous and absurd. just absurd. as if any sort of valuable life is hinged around face paint ….. they need to wake up. the world needs to wake up and not be taken in by the whole song and dance.

it’s enough ……… we are at saturation level. my hip flexors are telling me we are at saturation level.

unless you have more money than god, to spend on all kinds of plastic surgery like marisa tomei — and look 25 when you are 50 — there is not much point in making yourself depressed over the inevitable. and function is necessary, but why are we building gyms when we should be building side walks and nature paths? communities where walking to your destination is commonplace. kill two birds with one stone — stop polluting the air with a car, and exercise the body at the same time.

eh ………… maybe we dream too big. maybe should be satisfied with loose hip flexors ? personally, I prefer to be satisfied with ice cream!

it’s a scam …. so many friggin scams ……….. the diet industry that made more people fat, to go to the gym industry, that made more people frustrated because they bought a membership and never use the gym. it’s all played. and I remember! I remember when I bought into the whole package! !!!!!! I do … the nautilus machines. and the round of diets that never worked. the nutra-system, that’s only good was it gave me an excuse not to cook. I eventually gave up, and reevaluated the premise. and it is, the premise is that you are not adequate the way you are. that you must spend your time on pleasing the eyeballs of others — because for some reason, that is what you were put on this planet to do.

and I take issue with that. if my most important contribution is my looks …. then I don’t want beauty. i’m not sure what I want, but i’m sure it’s not to play the role of a friggin’ mannequin. and i’m angry that I was played all those years, just desperate to be whatever it was that was out of reach. I was brunette, I wanted to be blond. I was fat, I wanted to be thin. I was tall, I wanted to be short. every single physical trait was turned into an insecurity. into a disbelief in the ‘rightness’ of yourself. my moment of change, the pivotal moment of change ……. was years ago, at hueneme pier. I was with a friend, neither of us svelte. and a man on the peer gave her a dirty look and said something mean about whales. I eyeballed him, and pronounced very loudly, “we are REAL women!” and I grabbed her hand, and we did this strut down the pier, while I repeated loudly to all who would hear — to the entire beach (I have lungs) ……. “WE ARE REAL WOMEN!” shortly after that, the big and beautiful movement started…

so that was a turning point. I changed that day — for the better. lost touch with my friend, but I think it changed her, too. you don’t get much opportunity to make a difference in the world, and i’m glad to know that for at least that bit — I made a difference. by god, yes — real women have curves, or don’t have curves. they are short, or tall, or happy or sad. are human beings. it’s not my fault, that others can’t see the truth. I take pride for what I do, not for what I look like. I feel good when I do something well, and the ‘feel good’ of primping to “look your best” ………… that is a false sense of achievement. much like the rings and bells of a slot machine is a false sense of achievement. especially after you spent more money than you just won.

I understand the need for wealth, and the greed that gives us this scam culture with ads screaming everywhere. and it’s depressing as hell. because we are constantly reminded of the greed of our fellow man. at the same time as being told constantly that our selves are inadequate. so many ads, and so much hope for discontent — i can’t go to the mailbox, without heaving a gigantic sigh. I think the next fad should be intelligence.

we agree, it’s just that I see the credit within the student reaching for more, rather than the teacher opening a path …. or I see the causality as fundamentally dependent on the student, rather than the teacher. there are differences in teachers, certainly. but you have to agree that some of the best lessons are from walking out on a bad teacher! lol … I have studied dance. had to take ballet, since grandmother had very similar career to yours. except after she performed, then taught dance, then she went back for her master’s degree and taught junior high art. I write, and design web pages, and I fix computers. but I have taught computer science at grade school level. loved it. kids were great, but of course it wasn’t hard to get them to like computers. and this was in the floppy disk days…..

so I don’t think teachers, or bad teachers, necessarily create a block to complex ideology. not my experience — because I learn from their badness. when a teacher makes fun of me for asking a question — I learned to get my own answers. so it’s not always intent equals result. a good teacher can provide the spring boards, to a hunger for knowledge or more exploration. but they can’t do that thinking for the student. they can’t command someone to ‘think outside the box’ — there is no perfect formula for endowing a human being with introspection. but you can set an example for a hunger of learning.

I think for many students, memorization is an easier path. that’s all there is to it. if a teacher gives them mostly what amounts to memorization and regurgitation — the response to lap that up is dependent on the student, not the teacher. the teacher is fulfilling a need, or concept. and that is the ‘safer’ route for the teacher, of course.

so the good teacher, is a brave teacher. one that throws caution and fear to the wind a bit. one that develops their own lesson plan, and asks their students to think, rather than to recite. however — you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

so the learning to learn … the thirst for knowledge, for understanding and a slaking of curiosity. and the absence of explanation, that has the mind devising one of its own. the learning to learn — can eventually lead to a sort of unbridled thinking ability.

I just don’t see teachers as that powerful to magically grant creative thinking. they don’t construct minds. they let minds construct themselves. a good teacher does not seek cookie-cutter results, and instead responds to individuals with individual plans. I like to joke — that IF we all thought outside the box — then the INSIDE would be the outside, and we should all be crawling into the box to find our originality. part of being individual, and thinking outside the box — is to not use terms like “think outside the box” that everybody else is using in a wave of popularity. it’s a catch 22. a practically automatic hypocritical saying. and it comes down to a good question: what IS original thinking?

what is art? how do we apply creative solutions, when there is no acceptance of ACTUAL out of the box thinking? because we call that one mental illness, and feed them happy pills………….. if I decide the best exorcise for me, is to skip down the block every morning, how is that going to be seen?

no …….. the right and freedom to do and be what and however we will …….. whatever comes to mind as the best way to a destination ………… are blocked by societal norms, practices, and traditions. and therefore, are geared to benefit those who thrive according to those practices. and those who do not thrive, end up in many undesirable places. jail … hospitals and illnesses ……drug use, and abuse, and more than anything — misery. all because the things that would benefit THEM, are not part of the norm. are not part of what society does, practices, and preaches. so to get to a ‘better’ place for you, and your decedents — practices that benefit your kind need to be introduced. working to change norms and traditions is not an easy task. for one thing, you have to leave the misery long enough to discern what would serve you better, and then make that happen in society at large. it’s ridiculous to accuse a person of having mental illness — what they really have is an allergy to society.

I would like a world where everyone stepped out onto their front lawns and danced as the sun sets …………

I would like a world where animals are not in cages…..that includes people animals

I would like a world where more are free to contemplate the creation of untried solutions. to develop facets of living that are not copied, and repeated. to be an inventor of their own lives.

but instead we have monkey see, monkey do — that’s all the monkeys do. and “thinking outside of the box” is an ideology for creating change, for more to follow that creation of change. actual, individual intellectualism, is not focused on leadership or directions. but with what works for the self. the reality of awareness arrives, when the self DOES take a stand for what is in the best interests of the self. but not in a sheeple way — in a creative way never done before.

I studied early childhood education — and it’s really interesting the theories of exploration, and the ways of teaching to encourage that exploration. to give a path and way of letting the view fit the child. instead of forcing on them some tired, collective view. well……………. I just think it’s more up to the student, than the teacher. it depends if they want short cuts, or if they want an open mind that takes the long road and might never get there. I respect people with clear cut goals. I believe that is what they needed for their lives. but I won’t sit down and talk to them like this — on deep, abstract matters. I can’t. most get uncomfortable. change the subject. I have fun with it ……. count how many minutes, before they point and exclaim what a pretty cloud ……. makes me sort of laugh. eh ……… so I guess I would like a world where people could discuss deep and important subjects, without doing a mental-freak-out. it’s easier to joke. but I get tired of everything having to be a joke, to express any depth.

it would be nice to be real. for intellectualism to not be taboo. for some kind of common I could find more often — I get tired of the deep thoughts having to be alone-thoughts. I just want the world to change and fit ones like me, that do better when they can discuss very deep, philosophical questions and ideals. I can appreciate the intricacy of small talk. even the skill………… and it does leave you more energized and less worn out.

but then i’m left with my questions. i’m outside of the box ….. and no one’s meeting me here. I can write. that has to be good enough.


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