it can be better not to worry

i’ll tell you why i don’t believe in lists.
it’s that writing things into or onto a list then creates a space in the brain where that list is memorized.
i know that’s not normal for most people, and you can probably make a list without memorizing it.
but i can’t.
so the making of a list, immediately nullifies the need for the existence of that list.
it’s creating something, that by creating it you have at the same time made it unnecessary.

then top that off
with the “to-do” aspect of a list
where crossing a matter off is supposed to be the good and right thing
but then having nothing left ‘to-do’ is the BAD thing.

so i am supposed to work hard to get to the BAD state?
just never made sense, and why too often the ‘to-do’ list becomes a back-burner list of things to do on a rainy day.

so i don’t see the point of lists
except maybe a list of members or a list of species….

though in recent years, the making of a list for groceries can be more necessary, because not doing that can result in forgetting an item and not realizing that until you get home and slap your forehead.

but i hate the time it takes, going over a list and crossing things off while navigating the store. or part of me rebels against the very nature of how things apparently got so complicated, that you need a list of needs as if spending money is some kind of goal.

no, i think it is better to keep things in the head, rather than scribbled on paper in a hand. except for the occasional grocery list that is necessary because a new recipe is being tried, or there will be little to no opportunity to return to the store any time soon. or the stress of possibly forgetting something keys into how badly the brain is functioning for the moment. and it’s just easier to write down than to freak out about possibly forgetting something.

as far as the to-do lists that are supposed to encourage one to progress in achievements by ex-ing them off — i don’t know how to live with everything ex-ed and nothing to do. because there is no such thing, at the very least i will sit and read. so is that on the list? and then you find yourself “to-doing” your whole life!

i have tried over the years, to re-develop habits for every day events. like exercise every morning, or fixing a special food, or creating a pathway of actions that involve the mind deciding what is good for me, rather than instinct determining the flow of a day. it really only leaves me questioning what is good and then when you start questing on what is the best way — it becomes this search and hunger and need with a focus on how should i be and how should i run my day to be BEST. and then, are so focused on that, forget that life is not about being best. it’s not even about feeling good. it’s about continuing on no matter how you feel — good or bad.

it’s about not beating yourself up, if things remain on your mental to-do list for the day. and i do keep a mental list, for have never seen any way around that. somewhere in my head, there is a notation spot for one or two things that absolutely need to get done that day.

but it never ventures larger than 3 things. and they aren’t ex-ed off when completed. they are ridden through. finished to one degree or another according to the ride.

see, an honest to-do list, would be if you graded each entry instead of ex-ing them off. an A for this one, a B for that one. and at that point, would have to ask yourself who are you trying to impress?

no … i think the world is better lived without lists. life is too short. if you forget something, then it’s not meant to be.


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