what hermit has no reason to hate

can’t make an omelet
without breaking a few eggs
in covenant the unbeliever
it’s about if you are effective
or not
and that only effective people have guilt
because people that do nothing are innocent

over the years i’ve tried to think about that
the formula doesn’t reverse
doesn’t say if you have guilt that means you are effective
but there is a certain tie-in to cause and effect
i always found it easier
to stop doing anything that made me feel guilty
than to constantly solicit forgiveness
but in so doing, is the result
a less effective life?

how far does fear of doing something wrong
keep us from doing anything at all?

i try to be caring and read other blogs
and comment if i’m inspired
but one guy flipped out … blew a complete gasket
that anyone in the world might have a different opinion
than the one he wrote on a public blog and expressed

now i’ve been hanging around the internet
long enough to know what constitutes being mean
or being belligerent with the many forms of foul language, etc.
and that’s not me, i just try to make a point

so then i wonder what kind of thin skin does it take
to completely wig out like that, and more importantly
what would someone like that do if they met some of the
ones i get to deal with at times, who have no problem
attacking others quite boldly and with language that is
ugly and rude. and the only thing ugly and rude about me
is that sometimes the truth is ugly and rude….

so anyway — after that i quit visiting others blogs as much

when that blogger freaked out on me and called me names
and made me kind of afraid for my life … i decided
that encouraging writers on wordpress was just not worth it

and i stopped reading other blogs for the most part
only here and there
once in awhile i would venture out

like i’m blogophobic now … i don’t want to deal with that again
having someone go nuts because they can’t read or have that low
comprehension and i still don’t know what that person read into
things. how they saw something that wasn’t there and just lost it.

i thought i was speaking to an adult and turned out it was a child
or that’s the only explanation i have
children have an exaggerated reaction to any slight or perceived slight
they are still learning
and when it comes to persecution, will fall into the dramatic
i’m not sure why

but ‘oh poor me!’ and so and so isn’t nice enough to me…
that’s pretty much in the realm of child-like reaction
and anything that isn’t full and complete agreement is
seen as an attack on the person — because mind-wise they
can’t separate themselves from their ideas.

and in likewise manner, then
it’s easy for them to attack a person with an idea
it’s easier for them to attack the human being rather than attacking the idea
rather than giving an argument, they offer dismissal
because anyone that doesn’t agree with them
is a “bad” person

it’s obviously a pattern that can’t work well
in any form of life
and it’s a childish pattern
it’s simplified for the sake
of a mind that cannot grasp the possibility
that they might not be correct

instead of returning a point with a counter-point and upholding
their own idea or view … they somehow believe that
putting-down the person that sees the flaw in their logic, will
somehow make their inaccuracies true …. and i don’t know
where that comes from because i don’t remember ever
following that path as a kid myself

if somebody had a problem with something
i looked at the something to see if they had a point
i didn’t look at the somebody for some way
to tear them apart because i always have to be right….?

or because my world is built completely on my world view?

for a very long time now, everything i think or believe
is built in an aqueous suspension
where it can be moved around and reformatted….if new
information comes to light it doesn’t destroy anything
i just throw it into the mix

and i stand on something different
i live with the fact that it’s possible
every single thing about my life is not solid
or substantial, but more like a dream
that the world itself is somehow conforming to
my idea of what a world could or should be

i am open to the idea that all minds are one mind
or that they are most definitely NOT
either way
and it’s kind of a defensive move, to have every
belief and possibility as remaining possible

it’s sort of a way of never being wrong
because you never claimed to be right

but i come back to this idea of being “effective”

how that holds something i need to listen-to
mainly because we don’t get to live forever
despite wishes or beliefs
because even with a life after death, the probability
of it being exactly like the life you have now
is pretty slim … though i have that belief, too
that when death happens, you just move on
into another dimension and continue your life

everything might change here and there
in subtle ways – things are copied right and
some things get left behind
and those that mourn your death are just
a dimension you left behind

but that’s kind a dangerous “belief”
i would not work to try to get others to own that in any way
because it makes death too trivial

but i do keep it as a possibility

and i don’t know if i am effective enough
that’s the main thing
because i feel very little guilt and i pretty much
took on the life of a hermit just to see what it’s like
and like it so much i’ve kind of stayed that way

i find the election distressing
but i consider the possibility that i’m the maker
of my own universe and so i am the one who has made
the election distressing…. i have to consider that

even though it’s crazy and improbable
there is still a sliver of possibility … and mainly
because i am very good at shooting myself in the foot

am very good at sabotaging my own chances
and i’m not sure WHY …
but life doesn’t have to be about me
and i sure hope it ISN’T!!!!! freedom
only works if you are inconsequential

i feel the need of a different outlook at this point
right here
right now

perhaps swirl that aqueous suspension
and see what floats to the surface
when the mind itself has too many traps, laid

then it’s time to live in the now
time to fully appreciate the feel
of life and body that move and react and be
or rather that cannot help but be effective

life alone is effective and effects others
even a rock that doesn’t move
effects the stream that has to go around it…

there is no way to erase or remove yourself
therefore existence is real
time going fast or slowly is the fact that
you are inside, and therefore do not see that
you yourself, are going fast or slowly

so when time flies, that actually means you don’t
it means you are moving slowly
when time goes slowly … that means you are fast
are getting more done in less time

or if you are the center
then you are metered correctly and all else
is in flux…even our friend the clock

cause and effect are downhill events
and that also is inward, not into

the point of origin needs to be specific
it’s all a cluster of beginnings

i don’t know how effective i have been or will be
it doesn’t help to wish for happiness
you have to live it



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