mastering the circle

some people are so complicated
you really can’t sum up their life
i’m not one of those people …

it was a saturday afternoon
we were at the wagon wheel roller skating rink
it was time for the races
my sister raced and wiped out on the third turn
skinned her knees
a few bruises
i stood at the rail
almost vibrating inside like a tuning fork
i wanted to race
knew i was strong
stronger
but the thought of all those people watching …
finally decided i could block them out
enough to race … i could do it!
and the races were over
too slow to step up
i missed my chance

that is the story of my life
that moment sums it all up

some people are complicated
change throughout their life
learn patience
forget redundancy

not me
i take notes -move forward
culmination of simplicity
if it’s not real then it never was alive
no room to win or lose
i let hopes and dreams die quietly

it’s how you refuse the game
it’s how you examine your sister’s wounds
tell her she’ll be alright
don’t give her a hug
but you tell her she would have won
that she was easily the best

i should have raced myself that day
should have stepped up and taken my turn

but i had a sister who flew at it
like nothing else in the world
mattered

neither one of us were cut out for races
had to rent shoes
had to make do with what we had
but both of us knew what it was like
to get dizzy
to fly so fast in a circle

legs pumping with a strength
of simplicity

both of us knew
that we were not allowed to have excuses

there are good days and bad days
music is loud or it is soft
you finish one thing
you go on to another

some people are complicated
but not me
i always knew my limits
i always understood who became better

you don’t slow down until you crash
you don’t become bored
until it is time to turn in your shoes and then

walk into the parking lot
see grandma in the green maverick
staring off to the distance

seeing something i wanted to see
more than anything
more than winning any stupid race

what i wanted was out there
what she saw

with eyes that still smiled
i wanted the strength of those hands
that gripped the wheel
as she remembered the one
daughter she lost

there will always be time to master every circle
there is only so much time
to find the depths within yourself
that save complicated races for another day

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2 thoughts on “mastering the circle

  1. dragonkatet

    Very thoughtful write, E. I like to think of life as moving in spirals, which are circles that just go up or down…that we often come back to the same point (a same decision or path) and we again have the choice, but this time, we can choose differently, because it’s further up the spiral in time. You say you’re not complicated, and I get what you mean (so many things are simple, black and white) but I think *all* human beings are complicated or complex – how could we *not* be? 🙂 Simple or complex, you’re special and don’t forget it!

    • eebrinker

      in some ways spirals frighten me more than circles 🙂 but yes, same bat time, same bat channel … but the bat is hopefully older and wiser

      and thanks, there is so much that revolves on choices in life. it takes awhile to realize that deciding to not make a decision is still making a decision

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