remorse flies with the pigs

medicated
so that others feel safe
religious
so that others accept

and reality is that
intelligence is feared
independence is mocked
and time

will find us all lacking
but for one thing:
kindness

20160715_110603

though captured
on what it means
to be kind to oneself

bars constructed of pride
hopes to feast on respect
and diminished wonder

to visit meaning
apart from reality
when all approaches lead to
death
and
yet … all of these cages
have no gravestones

often i return to the fact
that man is but another monkey
and therefore to expect much
is to expect anything

collective wisdom
is not so wise
and all wear their cravings
upon their faces

the degree of pain
leaves me wishing
i were not so strong

to be good to the self
is to ignore the self
and its pleas
a meaningful life is one thing

a life of conviction, another

always gave in to possibilities
in the end
man respects those who are
good to themselves

so meandering took that
set it aside
filled the heart with wonder
to explore with new eyes
every day
one is allowed to
awake
breathe
and ask of the self
which is the better course?

if self is kind
then self is whole
nothing can remove
the one rule

there is no such thing as alone!
the struggle inside each human soul
tells me
what remains are endless ways of pain

and only one endless beginning
to grace
where bars of pride
dissolve
and hope is trammeled within that dust

through which all trod
and then become

see, that is existential
and i take issue with it

how does wisdom face this day?
with anger
that first pain must be overcome
and then anger itself must be overcome

to drop all pretense and remember
answers have their questions
but who has formed the questions?

dissatisfaction goads masses
and standards should only be flags

around which to rally
i have studied cages!
and know what true freedom
is and means

was punished for my freedom
do you understand how far i investigated?
you might

the guilt of being free
while others trapped
in feeling less
in craving more

that guilt does not happen
when you are actually free
freedom does not compare itself to others

and so i ask this
please … please
do not fear intelligence
do not mock independence
there are many roads in life
the hardest made as you go along

there are many cages
but the fault is not in the caged
it is in those who gape
and believe fortune

means they are better
in some fundamental way

i have chores set upon my shelf
things that must be done
and this is my doing!

the clock can say the day is half over
i say it has only begun

and what is reserve?
all is held in quandary

if heart decides, then
for any best
it will be a cold day in hell
with pigs flying all about
pearls in their mouths

to be human is to acknowledge weakness
excuses
only serve when
when trial itself is the correct thing

tested? oh i think we test ourselves
the most
and God is not through with me yet

not finished with my yet

yet i began by being tired in heart and soul
like so many, i look at paths to HERE
and think on how i COULD be THERE
my choice
and i have left it all
all!
to find something that makes sense to me

have great admiration for those who
are where they want to be …
married, children, influence
there is no ‘want to be’ for me
never has been

have faced myself more than you know
even looked at the yearning itself
as something to fight

what i have decided is that no lone person
owns a thought
what i have decided
is that influence is something to be craved

but not to worship
not to eat
not to swallow
not to live on self-importance
pinnacles and peaks

i have so many mistakes
but they are mistakes because they are something
not chosen by others
you cannot refute that!
for me every mistake belongs to exploration
necessary because
the lies outnumber the truths

that is the world we live-in
i know that
also know that hunger for importance
is a stink
a part of disdain

but let me explain the why:

i listened to the disney album
age 7
over and over i played it
see there are keys
and there are locks … and i chose
to not play into anyone’s game

least of all those who have
decided everyone must

because it is i who hold my cards
it is i who must pay for them
and so went beyond the stories
to question the story-tellers

when pigs fly
remorse will be something that has wings
and eats pearls like candy
after there is no room left to breathe

there are days the other path i did NOT choose
stands out more clearly than the one i am on

this is one of those days

it makes me both happy and sad
but most of all makes me wonder at the price of
continuity within ambivalence

SAM_0230bnw

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