where ruts end

even with quiet
hard to shake the shoulder tension
the ‘waiting’ for the bang
the physical nature
of preparing for the worst

the body doesn’t want to listen
and i think about how a cat
if tormented with constantly jumping
to noise and bangs
would take months in a good home
to overcome the nature
the “strung-out” feeling

after a month
it might gradually start to eat
after two months
might be less likely to run
and hide from any noise at all

and yes i plan to move
but want to wait and save money
so that a move will not involve
stressing my bad back

everything is give and take
the plan is to go south
where not only are the winters less
but more of the buildings are single-story
not this living on top of one another

this insanity that i can only conclude
was a setup to mess with the emotional well-being
of the poor….

because have been in some where the insulation
between floors is greater
that fluctuates … and current abode
is certainly one of the worst
with least insulation — and more
between the walls — what a tease

the youth in apartment living
get around noises by partying all the time
and living on no to little rest

they sleep at school or on the job

tranquility a foreign thing to many
in the lower classes
children scream for no reason
couples argue and bicker continually
throw fish tanks and tv’s at each other
you think the quiet ones are normal
and then learn they are dealing drugs
to all the rest….

cooking up drugs in their apartment
and the smells become familiar

why am i HERE?
why didn’t i explore a different path
strive to earn money and status like everyone else?
i’m not sure …

part of me decided to be where i am
fumbling around on the bottom
living hand to mouth

the times i’ve flipped out
have been when seeing too much
seeing the road blocks and hopelessness

taking in the gravity…..poverty
wanting to die?

it gets to you
you don’t know how to confront
the degree of evil perpetrated upon
the poor

hardest thing is complacency
the full belief that results in
“that’s just the way it IS”
where other avenues not explored
where no feelings of injustice arise
only dogged intrepid-consignment

that is the hardest thing to face
when you have lived a portion of your life
going “why do they COMPLAIN so MUCH?
they should be GRATEFUL”
and then you live the other part
of your life going, “why are THEY not
complaining MORE?”

bitter pill to swallow… the “they”
to see how brain-washing on each
step of the ladder works

now if i can just remove the jumpiness
my body permanently lost in
over-flooding of adrenaline …
a house should fall on me and that would be a pleasant thing

give it time
and give the world time
life will be able to think again
better ways
ways to cope?
hope in the future

only one person
one lone person who decided truth
was necessary
to write home about anything

crazy is definitely a phantom thing
though if anyone has crazy
i am certainly in the running

before i completely lose it
lost in the desire to see mankind do better…
i would definitely suggest
a look at the correlations
between numbers in poverty rising
and numbers of “mentally ill” increasing

good grief
it’s not rocket science
(then Utah only does medicaid expansion for mentally ill poor — double good grief!)
it’s called all your “goodwill to man”
at christmas time is actually

aren’t we special
how do i find relief when
those shoring up class levels the most
are also pushing end of the world consequences
because they just don’t get

this is the last one
the last world….YOU GET NO MORE CHANCES

come on and give it a break
you all think God can’t see the purposeful
you think there is mercy
for these degrees of evil?

not likely
also not bloody likely …
HEY-ZEUS was not built for this level of consequential non-fortification

merry christmas and happy fourth of july

i’m so tired
could drink another pot of coffee
and not have it phase me
one bit

frack you all
eh…learn to love one another
it’s a start



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