there is no clear finish line

yea but it’s true
always had to have something going with your life
always doing
if you don’t have a current profession to be proud of
then the minimum was must have a goal for a proud profession

thing is
by the time you’re done
you’ve run out of time to do or be
to find what you are good at or what is enjoyable
you no longer have to make anyone proud
because they’re pushing up daisies
and everything is such a jumble

have lived so long
with the question
what do i want to be when i grow up?
that didn’t realize were growing up, anyway
directions part of investigation
part of understanding
because the biggest puzzle was people
and why
why do i have to BE something

is not that it doesn’t make sense to be stuck now
it never made sense
this whole hunting for a place to fit in
to be necessary
for something
it’s driven me mad
trying to discern what others want from me
or rather what i should be
the best framework for what…. talent?

such a shadowy thing
areas of natural ability
what i do well is i see patterns
i map places of interaction
yet know
might be no better than a child
who pulls the tail of a dog to see
how it reacts…..

always on the way to something
living to impress dust
to impress dust

and now?  now i am tired
be part of the solution
not the problem
what problem?
my goal was to show that it’s possible
to live and love everyone
especially those who believe life has to carry

i know it’s crazy
but i stood in that forest
by a small alter made of pine cones
and i promise god
at 13….. i promised that i would
hold good at the center
to be good to others and to life itself
i promised to sacrifice my own path
for the sake of others
i decided that i did not need happiness

i needed work
i needed to hold a center where kindness
could be unwavering
that’s a little arrogant
but in my silly juvenile mind
greater love in others was not going to happen
if you didn’t hold it sure within yourself

i would play peacefully
on my own
not join others….
let them join me

and i didn’t want a big life
a place of importance
what i wanted
was for everybody
to get along

because there is no clear finish line
and beauty
real beauty is in the heart
it’s in the beginnings
of those who continue to care

who care, to continue



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