keep your arms and spit inside the vehicle at all times

i don’t think enough credit
is given to order
of birth

see i can guess
say oh she was either
the youngest child or the only child
that was never perfect enough

or he was the eldest
used to always getting his way
and then like groups with like
so socially
eldest children would group with eldest
or youngest with youngest

or may be the other way around
would need to gather information

and then there are ones like me
who was a middle child
but then became the eldest
leaves me with
dual order syndrome

we probably don’t need anything else
and could explain all psychologies
by order of birth

but i’m surprised we don’t have it
as a general social explanation
like “she thrives on stress”
“well what do you expect?
she was the youngest child”

or a lasty
or a youngy
or a skipped stone

the whole reason we don’t
is probably because common terms
are missing to classify
according to birth order

which is interesting
as if purposefully left out
and the only thing we have is
“middle child” or “only child”

and for awhile
all physiological problems
we’re blamed on being a middle child
and all spoiling is blamed
on being an only child

but it isn’t hard
to conclude that the youngest
always feel they can’t live up
to things
and the eldest are always accustomed
to getting their own way

and should probably have as much weight
within analysis or even a simple understanding
of the self

i know it’s there and might be a notation
on a medical chart
but very little of birth order
is discussed or part of common

maybe because there are always exceptions
and parental involvement itself
changes from generation to generation
…..or does now

i was from the generation
where parents said “get out of here,
go play!”  and now they say “its time
to take you to your play date, get dressed
i don’t have all day!”

i became an eldest child
raised by an eldest child

therefore it is necessary to come to terms
with the fact
that life is not all about
correct choices
… this world does not shatter if i don’t get my way

it does make a difference
to awaken to the reality
that actions fall into a pattern
and it’s up to the individual
whether that pattern  becomes a rut

we are the last
to be raised without suspicion



2 Replies to “keep your arms and spit inside the vehicle at all times”

  1. Interesting perspectives Eileen. Having been the eldest of only two children in our atypical family unit (did I really just say that?), dysfunctional seemed a foregone conclusion or at the very least an eventuality we grew into and lived with until we parted company in a characteristic sort of way. On many levels I saw a clear delineation of consideration, perhaps out of domineering fathering or ‘head of the household’ in a literal sense.

    Birth order lends itself to greater or lesser scrutiny or greater expectation. As a child the apparent differentiation is strangely unapparent, at least from a memory point of view; teenage years were measured in what was yet to come of ourselves and adulthood met with greater subtleties of acceptance or silent reservation.

    Weights and measures…like so much cookie dough in the batter…

    1. yes exactly, Don…. there is not really an awareness of being formed in those formative years. like not seeing the forest for the trees. the term dysfunctional is itself dysfunctional, i think. there are families of all types, and some are more difficult to grow up in than others. but the grass is always greener on the other side…….. though i think the family i came from was extremely competitive, and i myself was not. leaves you half something.

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