so i sang

feel like head is going to explode
people like me, with sinus issues
should not cry for any extended time

the pressure is unbelievable
we lost another one of the family
Virginia
known to everybody as Honey
her husband, Richard
and so combined were “Dick and Honey”

he was gone first
now she passed
and part of me is so tired
inside
i feel like what is the point
what is the effort
how am i supposed to care about life
when it’s all about endings

of course
now i understand why grandma smiled so widely at babies
reminders
beginnings are here, too

i need to watch some babies, i suppose
go on youtube and find funny toddler videos
smile at innocence?
smile at something …

they call this a heavy heart
maybe this is light expectations?

telling myself to just breathe doesn’t help

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2 Replies to “so i sang”

  1. The passing of family and old friends seem to be harder to deal with each year. I have already said goodbye to so many. Another beautiful write, and I to shall go and look at smiling babies and rejoice at life itself.

    1. it doesn’t get easier, and grandma always said that the hardest part of getting older was outliving so many friends. when i looked through her address book after she was gone, entry after entry had been crossed off, with the date carefully penned next to it. each a weight. and yet, she always had a smile for me when i came through the door….

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