usefulness on tap

she said, “i bet you could really kick my ass.”
i just sort of nodded
truth is, i’ve never had to kick anyone’s ass
no one has ever wanted to see the results
suppose it’s an instinct

knowing a type
a one that could simply go all out
switch to a mode that doesn’t involve mercy

did kick a dog’s ass once
it attacked my smaller dog
so i slammed it to the ground
hitting it with my fists
until saw that it wasn’t fighting back
only lying there – i still remember those eyes
pleading

the mexican gang at school thought it’d be fun to
mess with me
backed up against a chain link fence
surrounded
i went crazy on them
all 15 of them retreated in horrification
“she’s crazy, man!”
i suppose that is where i learned
protection is not hard
if you go all out
make the other think twice

well, it’s better to avoid fights
and i do
though there is also the thing
about standing up for what’s right
standing up for justice
for yourself or others…

oh it’s a day and the day has dawned
with sunshine and no clouds
i just ponder these things
because it still puzzles me
in some ways

i realize that i’m only up and running
a third of the time
or more like 2 fifths
fluctuating between thought
and reality

in the old days
they would call me a daydreamer

it’s when i’m all there
or at least 4/fifths
and i process more and return
words faster and find myself
seeing things that were always there
i just never noticed before…

i know i am somehow a monster that is scary
scrutinized for signs of independence
so i stay in low gear most the time

never notice a LOT
but i notice you
i notice the need for understanding
reassurance

the tock ticks for all of us…
is it simply size that
creates circumstances which preclude
confrontation?

i was never dangerous
only alone

you see the patio is quiet
and cool
facing the west
so the morning is covered in shade

what would life have been like if i was petite?
i do think about that

haven’t plucked a single leaf
since bought for a specific recipe

i like the way basil leaves turn downward
as if made too heavy to reach for the sun

and come to think of it i did kick my husband’s ass once
but i can’t tell you how badly he deserved it

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