think about

think about why a person in a hospital gets flowers
the presence of flowers
tells the staff, “this person is cared about. ”
whether you realize it or not
the person with flowers everywhere
in their room
is going to be better attended
than a lone person
by themselves
no one by their bedside

now in a psychiatric hospital
they don’t allow flowers
they don’t allow anyone in to sit with you
i actually had to look at my flowers
from behind a glass wall
sitting on the intake desk

yet oh!
i was grateful for those flowers!
it is why
as far as my family here in utah
they can do no wrong….
one gift of flowers
those lilies meant
that i might leave
that horrible place
that they had to see
those awful sadists had to know
i was not abandoned

nobody visits
i call and plead
they don’t want to see you
” like that ”
they don’t want the guilt
of leaving you to be abused
you are outcast
family and friends disappear
you are alone

not only without flowers
to signal
but without any means
to make yourself better
they shoot you with drugs
that make it so you can’t even help yourself
they laugh
and leave you without a bathroom
without food
without water
they have men pull down your pants
to shove a needle in your rear end
they are cruel
because you are

and alone

my grandmother
visited me only once
because it was my birthday
i will never forget

angry look on her face
set jaw
her saying “you brought this on yourself.”

and maybe that’s so
she was never wrong


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