look

look
i didn’t give them an address
let them think i was homeless
california plates on my car
this was not ages ago
or policies long changed
this was 2008

thinking i was a homeless person
someone living out of dumpsters
off the street
they stripped me,
put me into a hospital gown
injected me
with an unknown drug
a locked room in an emergency ward
with no water
and i became paralyzed on
the exam table
then they stripped my body naked from even the hospital gown
and began placing medication patches
all down my legs and arms, on the torso and
under my breasts

i remember the paralyzing
could not even speak…..
two nurses that laughed as they
placed those patches

i don’t remember anything after that
until i woke up in a wheel chair
being rushed to university hospital
lips cracked and bleeding
from no water
not able to stand…

you see, my family
had tracked me down by that point
when i had gone missing

what happens to those
whose family do not track them down?
that’s what i want to know

what’s wrong with you people?
i saved one of those medication patches
they missed some
in covering their crime
one good thing
that can be said for sagging breasts

i kept it for a long time
in a box at home
looked at it occasionally

i don’t know how to even feel
lucky?
blessed?
yet i feel guilty
because somewhere out there
there is the body of a homeless woman
who died in a hospital
from abuse and neglect
and what i can only call savage impulses

i feel like i was spared
only because my own social experiment
did not see its conclusion

And I left out one part of this account
Because it is hearsay
But while those nurses were placing patches
on my paralyzed naked body
They were talking about what body parts
Would be useful for transplants

One of the more horrifying things I’ve ever gone through in my life

I have only told a few the details these last seven years
And made sure they were ones who wouldn’t fully believe me

Because no one wants to stand
Behind the word of a crazy person
That’s why these hospitals
And nurses and doctors get away
With what they do….

Because they just say
The crazy person is confused
My word against their word,
Who you going to believe

So I didn’t take it to authorities
Didn’t file a lawsuit
Didn’t do anything

But I would take that patch out once in awhile
Look at it
Until one day I threw it away
Along with any of my hopes for justice

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