to be fat or not fat

my thoughts on this article are yes, of course.  from growing up in a world where you were expected to be able to wear a bikini with a flat stomach, i learned to cover myself, to squeeze into tight jeans and feel always less of a person, even though i was obviously more.

the thing this article leaves out, is how geography can relate to “fat perception.”  one of the reasons i’ve settled on utah as my home, is that the standards for “thin” are not so aggressive as they were in california.  my perception of self has been able to relax in a much less “body-focused” environment.

am not necessarily saying utahans are a bunch of fatties, but the priorities here are different.  clothing is not so much a social standing, as it is a function of protection from the environment.  and super-skinny is what stands out as the oddball, rather than “super-fat.”  it’s more about friendly, versus not-friendly.  it’s more about how nice you can be to others, rather than how much you can shut others out for perceived inadequacies.

i’ve known since a teenager, how to lose my weight.  but i opted to be healthy, instead.  right or wrong, it was a decision i made in the face of continual judgment and condemnation.  and even in utah, that still remains, but to a lesser degree.  just gives me a little breathing room, to not see myself as such an awful person for not fitting into that bikini…. for not having a flat stomach that only feeds the impervious icon that is all about sex, and nothing about being real.


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