you see race i see worlds

my first crush
his name was Gilbert
a little mexican boy at Santa Paula first grade
how remember his name
i don’t know
but do know can still see Gilbert’s smile
as we waited in line
at the monkey bars

see i set that memory in stone
because it was important to me

to remember what a crush
to at least recall innocence
when liking someone

meant giving

another when?
no, just that
and a few things i forgot
it wasn’t that love is a fool
it’s that foolish excuses itself with love

and i never saw him again, you know
when my parents died and we moved
Gilbert was gone, too

just a kid like me

and i’m sure he never knew
i’m sure he went on in his life
and i went on in mine

does he have family, friends?

lots of things get lost along the way
but when i am at a loss for words
i remember smiles

memories set so FAR in cement
you or nobody else
is going to move them a wick

nothing on heaven and earth
will take that
i made sure
can’t even begin to say what moves mountains
but i and
everybody’s mother’s uncle
know how doves fly
don’t wonder–
tomorrow will read every stitch
in the marrow of our bones
written devotion upon blood
denatured design
crushed whimsy

the next time i am thinking
and decide it is just me

has always been me.



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