brought on by heart

thing for today is to move slow – ly
no sudden harm
heal the back
treat the body tenderly

somehow i will fix things
since the numb toes have not progressed
up the foot
2 years now and no change
am looking at it’s the back

has always been the back
that winter (2013) i tried to fix it
with a back brace and lots of walking
but instead did something worse
and after going crazy from it
the all-healing hospital stuck me
in a crazy-prison with only a cot
(board bunk with 3 inch plastic pallet)
for two weeks of utter misery
and pain that did not make me any saner …

and so here i am
thinking i don’t want to spiral
where can’t care for myself

so went over body schematics
been a long time since anatomy class
and frankly the spinal bones always
puzzled me a bit

then went into my head
remembered exact injuries as outlined
by an MRI 11 years ago
and determined best physical therapy
which does not include the
wrong exercises they gave me
11 years ago

so we will see
the pattern lately has been
work and walk and do
until i throw it out
and then snap it in — pause
work and walk and do
yet ever the constant
feel of strain and pain

“in” did not mean fixed
only to where would function

sometimes i hate this life
but then remind me i’m the stupid
the stupid that thought she was hercules
could lift anything …

now it’s forced humility
vacuum with small steps
let the vacuum do the work
move like you are 80
and you might make it to 60…

oh, it’s Valentines day?
that’s right and the love to make
numbers special … suppose i always saw that
as more sad than puzzling

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