anticipating twist

so the quiet.  no stomp creaking back and forth to the bathroom at all hours.  the human body always amazes me.  accustomed to preparing for erratic bangs and noises, so that now with silence the tension in my body builds.  instead of relaxing and enjoying the reprieve, the body is still awaiting that next boom or delivery of noise and angst.  trying to tell my muscles to relax doesn’t seem to help.  it also doesn’t help to think maybe he finally had a heart attack, maybe he ended his life.  like when my roommate, Brian — ended his life and i sat in my room writing a letter to my grandmother.

it wasn’t that i didn’t care, but it was that i was tired of caring.  why does everybody else’s problems have to become my problems?  yet friendship — there was friendship and i truly mourned that loss.  i think that is one thing that people can’t fake, is that sense of caring or concern.  when someone like that dies in your life, the empty hole they leave behind is palatable.  you can taste your own sorrow.  this quiet now is a vacation, but i wish that my body knew that and would release the tension.  it still waits for the next “boom.”

i was a child
but then i learned
i was unknown
but absence burned

the night was dark
the days were bright
but yet the silence
thrummed to fight

until i held
a soft reprieve
next gray steps
a leap for me

upon this day
will wake to find
yet more of me
inside my mind

but that’s ok
life nothing less
than bold remorse
and shy redress

for i was weak
and then i’m strong
days are short
and then they’re long

it’s all a mix
to turn and spin
with frowns that lose
for smiles to win

don’t hold time close
pushing vortexes away
don’t regret all your kindness
that will come out to play

i was a child
but then i learned
each day ahead
only a past returned

find sense in hope
that makes no sense
true dawns arise
after night is spent

suffer a child
for even a child knows
that to hold onto life
is to say that’s how it goes

we will waken or sleep
we will laugh to design
but when all is decided
not a one of them binds

in the thick of the day
in the thin of each night
time will drink in the quiet
only to breathe in a sight

so don’t forget where you’ve been
hope throws nothing away
calm respects quiet beauty
even souls that would stay

haunt the hills
ply the ethos
stand with freedom to weep
oh my child has its answers
and the hope that remains

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