pockets of the beholder

hunger for money
the thing about wanting money
is that to each person it is their
pivotal desire
one person wants money because they want new shoes
one wants lots of money for a house
others want money to buy as much ice cream as possible

money morphs into the most desired thing

it becomes the game and contest
who can make a buck go farther?
who can invest better?
who dies with the most toys?

it becomes a sign of evil
richmen and camels
the prize at the center of the universe
because it is multi-shifting
can be whatever you desire

i never desired money
i see and understand that it stands for buying-power
that it means “yipeee! i can buy this or this”
yet if i want something
i think of what is wanted
not its corresponding weight in trading-chips

yet ever and always
see those lost in wanting money
craving money
like just having the money makes them happy

that i don’t understand
their desires must shift so much
that money becomes the only stable thing to want

you can’t buy friends
but turns out you probably can

for some reason both of my kids are not
cautious on the internet
if there’s a scheme
will be an 80% chance they’ll fall into it
that number is probably closer to 90%
and i’m not sure why
maybe they paint it differently
have a stronger barrier between real lives
and online-lives
there’s no shame for them if they fall
whereas my own pride circles and circles
nothing cyber can hurt you
overload possibilities?

one thing that would have changed
if i had raised either child……. they would be
smart on the internet but eh maybe it is more
important to be smart in life

maybe it is more important to see money itself
as the thing that you desire

but i could never quite get there
see the amounts change
i want what i want to stay put

like grasping the brass ring
and in the end
will the gravestone say
“so and so: she always got what she wanted”
?
i decided a long time ago
that i did not want money

maybe i was five
wasn’t that hard a lesson
you had the coins in your hand
and the orange crush machine was
standing before you
sharp edges of the bottles
smell of gasoline and sweat
whir of motors and engines and dirty things

until those coins went clink
you remained thirsty

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