i squish spiders

when playing volleyball at Lutheran school
hit the ball out of bounds for about the third time
one of the men said “well, at least she’s consistent.”

went on to play at the beach
high school volleyball team
and a real coach
we ran laps on soft sand
could dive as good as any
though never coordinated enough to
manage the killer spike

tall person, you know
they… the infinite they
EXPECT things

how does injustice compute failure?
see, i got to play
and that’s all i really wanted

not left standing on the edge
(like at the Lutheran school)
while no one passes you the ball
(trust is a strange thing among children…)

it’s kind of worse than not being chosen for a team
because you are ON the team and left with never a chance
to practice or get better so then
they confirm their thoughts on how awful you are
it is a trap
and you didn’t stumble into it
were pushed with never a thought on what is fair
what is right
(children are innocent you know …)

so i played at the ymca too
knee pads for the dives
learning to temper strength
a coach makes sure you get the chance
a chance to PROVE

so what is improvement?
made sure i knew how to play
proved ’em all wrong
tides and time
worlds and worlds

was never about winning
when you win, the fun is over



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