lost cause

I cried over the cat
I thought about the eye doctor bill
how i’ll have to go down there because they never answer their phone
a billing department that never answers its phone
I watched some videos
played a word game on my phone
I put on headphones and danced to “counting stars”
watched a harry potter movie while answering comments on facebook
thought about my family, how I should call them
decided to not have a cigarette
right now i’m thinking maybe I WIILL have a cigarette
fixed some oatmeal for dessert, after saying outloud that I wish I had some cookies
placed the southwest blanket to cover the couch and am liking that look
cleaned the kitchen, just enough so it doesn’t rate as disgusting
played another word game on the phone while watching big bang theory reruns
collected my flower photos into a file to use as desktop wallpaper
shut down my computer
set the android to play a loud alert for hangouts
checked facebook, checked G+
took my nightly pills, decided to not take a sinus pill tonight
lay in bed

……asking the empty room why my stomach feels like a lead weight
why trepidation squirms around inside my head
why after all these years i still get afraid….so very afraid
that i’ll disappoint

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