abandoned fork

the trait that makes an entertainer likable
always on the outside
begin to pull up pride around yourself
like a shield
more like stubborn pride
soul questioning– wondering, where is justice?
when do things become fair…
not sure why
were never good enough
but knowing
always knowing that all it takes is being different
to be excluded
so you nurture that
take pride in being different
but the pride makes you less likable still
until you look yourself in the mirror
and wonder how the outsides became so different
from the insides
ungainly and clumsy
it seemed the better choice to not move
and read books
soak knowledge, kept in a spell of stories
dream of a future where you are popular
all the time knowing that you would hate it
that for some reason it’s a responsibility
to conform
……maybe i was a wise child
or maybe stubborn pride was all i had left
anger and seeing through eyes that knew the score
more you want to be liked
less liked you’ll be
pride grows and swells
pushes out all humility …and i look at this
smile and laugh at the net
the twisted ropes of fortitude….
realize the humility just got pushed way deep
where no one can see it
holding together the insides
gluing mind to soul
you want to say….i want to say…
that i was born like this; but truth
is it was a decision
sometime between when i watched kids jump off a roof
and that christmas when the neighbor boy got a toy guitar
and he really really wanted a real one
i went off by myself to play in the culdesac
stick and a piece of string, i was a fisherman for the day
and nobody– not a one
could tell me i wasn’t



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