drum the fingers

thing about being online, and seeing others post their lives to places like facebook — suddenly being obviously insecure is not a bad thing. or rather, you realize have lots of company.

like the young mother, who puts up pictures of her children narrated by a childlike voice of incomprehension. as if the photos are a way to prove that these kids are real. motherhood can be painful, and many of us go through it half out of it or not there. granted much of that is due to a lack of sleep.

there are the aging bachelors, either once married or not. doing everything they can to appear cool, while not wanting to admit that being online too much and having no life is supremely UN-cool.

there are those of us who are analysts. being online is like a superb voyeurism of the mind, and we study reactions which then create a type of statistic regarding human traits. then depending on how those numbers flow, one can decide on either having a happy or a sad cyber-week.

it helps in life to believe those around you are doing ok.

there are the infrequent online visitors, who are demonstrating that they now have found nothing else to do. sort of like soul-sucking, they don’t show up when they are in a good mood.

and you know, i love them all. all the weirdos of these online communities. we talk with our hearts, more or less. and there’s nowhere to hide behind a pixel. you kind of are what you are.

it’s a good place for me because i don’t think fast — i think thorough. so i have time to decide on wording, that you don’t get in “real life.” and you don’t have to notice the ones talking over your head or purposely excluding you from a conversation. you don’t have to pretend you are not being hurt by the very obvious slights. we like to say “children are cruel” but people are people and they are CRUEL. not sure why. or maybe there is a particular joy in being mean to ME.

haven’t quite figured it out yet. if i do, will let you know. in the meantime — i like it here. kinda feels like home.



2 Replies to “drum the fingers”

  1. Good thoughts on this phenomenon. I like being able to think out what you wanna say online, too, as opposed to having to have a ‘ready answer’, like in person. There are so many fakes, though, as you know. People DO hide behind the screen, although it’s ironic, because like you said, there are so many of them putting their entire lives out there online.

    The Ego always needs feeding, I suppose. It’s just that some of us are better at tuning it out. As for the slights…I would tell you not to take it personally, except I know better – there are plenty of mean people out there who delight in bringing others down (one way they make themselves feel a little better about their sucky, vapid, empty lives). But f*ck them. They don’t *know* you, who are they to judge? And if they have nothing better to do than be snarky, then they don’t deserve your company. Toxic people. Do what sane people do with something toxic: Dump it/tehm. 😉 There will always be those with nothing better to do, but it doesn’t mean you have to let them affect you or your world.

    Glad you’re feeling more at home these days. That’s important. And what a GREAT picture! Fab complimentary color scheme going on it! 🙂 And he looks happy. Do you have bubble nests yet?

    1. i don’t have a filter, so poco gets routed out once a week for the tank cleaning. he likes hanging out by the angel statue the most, resting on the bottom.

      i’m not sure on the social things, i think it’s usually because i enter the new groups and they have their things going. then it’s like this part you play as the excluded one to re-enforce their feeling and need to be a closer group. it’s sort of sad, or makes me feel sad for them. toxic, yes…. but are also obviously having lives that make them miserable.

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