i’ll tell you what love did for me;
it taught me that others don’t see me
as i see myself…
it taught me that i am weak, that
wanting to be loved is much different
than hoping for passion. love showed
me that being stupid was not an excuse
for longing, that time will swallow us all.
love gave me an acceptance of others that
they never deserved, had me smile graciously
for every knife that found its mark in my back.
love was something often given, and seldom returned;
taking advantage of kindness–so i become a beggar
at the door, starved for the smallest drams of affection.
love gave me no shield, no place to carry my pride;
wanting only a body, men consistently shallow. love
was my mirage, covering the reality that i was nothing more
than another woman to use.
love fed me false hope, and i fed it a million tears.
you want to know what love did for me? it created a
blur of memory, stamped scenes as necessary. love
told me i was better off hoping for compassion, rather than
fashioning a bolder awareness of self.
have i been in love? eh. god knows i gave everything,
everything! the most men gave me
are two children… and reason to think twice;
love was what i wanted–now i don’t know.
something about being young and foolish…
it needs the young part,
while age can only court being wise.
you know you stand tall
and you keep standing! doesn’t
take a genius
to hold every fort…
and forget the worst of it.
you don’t fall again, because the
heart is attached to living.