in that old apartment, the refrigerator fan was so noisy you couldn’t hear yourself think. the dishwasher didn’t wash the dishes, and the laundry had such broken-down machines that i finally just started doing “bathtub laundry.”

the stove was old and a fire hazard. the countertops were painted. the bathtub was painted. the waterheater was an energy hog, and they even replaced it with a “new” one but installed the same exact kind. the room heaters were the baseboard-sort from the 70’s — huge energy hog. the air conditioner had a giant hole in the side, with the vents completely open to the elements. in the winter time, it was like having a hole punched into the side of your house. if you didn’t have it on all the time in the summer, heat entered through it.

i feel sort of in shock — the new place i moved to this week has a brand new stove, brand new dishwasher, brand new counter tops. the refrigerator is new-ish and all the appliances are more top-of-the-line rather than bargain basement. i checked the laundry room and they are nice new machines w/digital readout.

closet has a built-in dresser, the livingroom has one of those gas fireplaces. it has central air and heat. the cable was installed today, and instead of saying i barely had enough signal to run the internet, he said there was too much and hopefully wouldn’t have to return to lower it.

you know that song from Sound of Music? where they sing “in my youth or childhood, i must have done something good.” that’s what i kind of feel right now. strange to have it be over a place rather than a person, but there ya go.


sitting on the patio the first night, the neighbor’s cat came over to say hi. mostly i feel like this can’t last, or i must be dreaming. or maybe my time in the 9th level of hell has run its course and i was due for a leg up. that if i sneeze wrong or forget my manners, the whole thing will evaporate–i feel a bit unreal for the moment.

i don’t want to write this thing sounding like am bragging. because that’s not it. it’s just been a long time since i’ve been in a “normal” place. and where you live kind of effects the sort of person you are. so i’m not sure what to be, but am thinking i need to shoot higher. out of thanks? i don’t know, but more or less be part of the solution instead of the problem. or fight a little harder to be a part of things. or contribute more in whatever way i can. today at the 7-11, the clerk talked about global warming, and at the end there said something like “the end days are coming.” (not an unusual thing in Salt Lake) and i said, “oh no, i sure hope not.”



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