deserving

before
was on the outside
since all the other kids were Mexican
and i wasn’t
public school
death and confusion
3rd grade
private school
on the outside once more
new kid in school
mostly i read alone
played alone
quiet
perhaps the crushed finger
hammer
mom
and a reminder that love is
two-sided
never very far from alone
always viewing
from the outside
growing singular
part of the spirit stays in constant sorrow
but the other
the rest
is a strength of joy
because life is worth it
heart can rise and bloom
beauty is real
tell me again
how you have me figured out
with a diagnosis
how you need an excuse
to explain my originality;
and i will say
there is more than you know
here — and always, there
inside
where only i visit
to forgive each step…parcel each platitude
harrowed

what is dignity?
it’s deciding no amount of distraction
will complete the past

love?
no amount of concession
can equal fool’s desire
painted with
streaks of color and remorse
tears …. quaffed on the outside
swirls of returning
diametric pose

IMG_20130721_141821

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