Crowning of the Victim

Playing the victim

How does that work

Not the points of justification

Born to sin

So they said

But …

Does the competition spiral

Deeper and deeper

Or higher and higher

The NEED

To be put upon

Frozen

In moral ambiguity

Where do blame and reality cross?

 

If you can see it

Does that mean it’s not there?

The victim

Lost in self-doubt

Self-righteous self-abuse

I follow

As long as the spirit will agree

 

On the horizon, transgressions find an answer to your boundless disdain

The victim says ‘why?’

It must be forgotten

Not forgiven

Never excelled

Breaking waves to my own consecration

 

Truth being that approval was something offered

As addictive and deadly as any drug

Holding the victim in place

Forever caught in that spiral

Of justifying desserts

 

I can see and still cry for the child you despised

The adult you offered succulent indecision

 

We always kissed on the cheeks

When saying good-bye

Like some kind of poverty playing at God

 

You smelled of smoke – chicory and wandering entrapment

And I loved them anyway

 

Because the victim courts despair

And I only wished for an answer to abject triumphs

In absolutes

 

They stopped the kissing about the time you bought that jacuzzi

Convention something put on and removed according to the wit of masses

How do you bow?

Where did I learn to pity the best of you

And mark the rest as being deader than the dead ones

 

I was never so alone

As when touching your absent core

The nightmare of inability

 

To read

 

To know another past your hopes

I will never understand the need for pressing down to rise above

For to me a goal is a level

Where eyes can meet and songs are only shared

Not engraved on tombstones

 

Laughter something I gave and gave again

Even as

 

The victim

 

Even as a bleeding, sculpted crown

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2 thoughts on “Crowning of the Victim

  1. Eileen, that was simply marvelous!!! :D Deeper and deeper, or higher and higher…..sometimes is too difficult to tell, I feel this, and it’s kind of like being lost in the search for kindness, where the brambles stinging is a good feeling for no other reason that there IS a feeling. ;)

  2. *smiles* that’s a good point

    the only way out of victimhood is to decide you got what you deserved. and that makes me want to go screaming off into the night

    what does it mean to be kind? something to do with grace …

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