It wasn’t me

See the thing is, I understand ones like kkk not liking to have me monitor their words. I get how it can be intimidating to know someone can analyze and point out inconsistency or just plain bs. And I understand that one mans bs is another’s sworn truth. Life tends to fall into perceptions of power plays, especially online.

So I ask myself, why do I bother? In the old days of MySpace, I looked at those only wanting ‘ positive’ blogs as deluded, and I named them the happiness police. For life is not always a bucket of roses.

And I watch various writings, or people, for trends or indications of turns within the thought process of entire communities. Not for my own pleasure, but for my own edification. If I speak up on an issue, it is generally to clarify my own understanding on the viewpoint of the author. Has nothing to do with me, or with positioning oneself into some kind of authority.

I like to think I know it all, but am not fool enough to believe I know it all. Though there are some subjects, such as psychology, where I have a good deal of experience as well as education. And there are some subjects like politics, where I might not be aware of every single facet, but I trust leadership because I know that in a psychological sense-if you give up that trust might as well throw in the towel and call it a day.

Mostly when I comment at length on any thread, it is because the writer’s stand is not clear or contains mixed messages. And I’m simply trying to draw out a better explanation of that viewpoint. If it is a case of me, just me having a disagreement with a cause or stand that is clearly expressed, I walk away. If it is a case of exaggeration or untruth, such as conspiracy theory and that vein of discourse– it depends if I like the person or not. If I like them, I’ll try to say something. If I don’t like them, I’ll walk away.

Who do I like? Those who don’t regularly indulge in personal attacks while they are trying to prove a point.I like those who think and reason, those who are level headed and employ a bit of common sense at least once in awhile. Now I don’t know if that makes me a snob. But I do know when others are weaving reality for the sake of the weave. For the sake of their own comfort. Sometimes comfort is the need to be necessary.

Life is not always a bucket of roses. And thoughts that ping around the internet eventually make it into real communities. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to monitor and check things when you can. That doesn’t make those who observe into some kind of know it all snob that thrives on disagreement.

Is much easier to back away and let it all go to heck.

and we weep for the dead by eebrinker

my belief
is more important to others
than it is to me…

I always saw it as inconsequential
floating the boat takes all kinds
of personal misconception


the only real delusion is

thinking you know when you can’t know
and even then …
can be convinced you can’t know as its own conviction

how out of this endless maze?

what is important?
good will
beyond that, interaction
we term everything that is stress, bad
but it’s just another food

every understanding is structured within the one before
or upon
and so in order to repair understandings
have to back track
man does not take items as individualistic comprehensions:
the ball is spherical
a sphere is round
the drawn circle in the sand is a ball…
built into dimensional perspective

which is itself, a conviction

so there are a few things in life that are very real:

and tenacity

the only necessity of ‘understanding’ the world
the only reason for wishing to understand the world

is prediction
and then of course, orchestration

comes down then to pattern
and we have the fractal paradise
of entwined and repetitive belief

which in all essence only builds on
and feeds on

often I come back to the fact
that sitting to even ruminate this
does not stop my coffee from growing cold

so there IS pattern
but pattern doesn’t have to be a prison
weavings of the many definitions for what is good or right

what I believe is more important to others than it is to me
and not really something that could describe

i believe i myself
have a duty to improve conditions

if at the history of levels
the determination was doom (for death is death)
then the process of calming
reassuring a(the) mind(s)

is a religion or belief or something to keep
things moving despite

and despite belief
we don’t get to choose what we see
we also don’t get to choose what we comprehend


so that’s where it’s at
man wishes to be proof against horrification

thinks that is “strong”
strong spirit … but it is not
it is false reassurance

it is the flexibility
to be horrified or not horrified
as one chooses

that is strength

and it is in not being paralyzed
despite belief

not because of it …
not because belief cushions you
from the horrifications of reality

being able to say belief is not necessary
for after all

belief is simply consensus

it is a bond
the joining of mind and will? the joining of many, into what?

joined-many-e-s deciding the course of
pacification? not a lot of harm can be done there
mind and wills joined
only believe that joining equals more ‘power’

but of course, it doesn’t

i look at mendacity

the structure that concludes destruction
is better than observation

it’s not that it wearies-me

it’s that i am limited by language itself
language is a consensus
a joint belief

we can run and jump and play
but we can’t explain how the motivation is love
but it’s not love either

love is really not anything
because it’s too many things…

good will
but no …. not that either
since a constant ‘good will’ if not balanced
with foresight — becomes ineffective
caught in the wheels
ground into the dirt….

there is a need to let go,
oh we have that ‘philosophy’ running strong
for the moment

but all the letting go in the world
does not assist a spirit trapped in terror
we have the presupposition of the “it”

let IT go — and oh the best I’ve seen on that
is the Stephen king it, the book of course
the movie i did not even bother with…

what is the “it” that we need to let go OF?
and so that is a question-maker….
what “it’s” do i need to “let go?”

too much
too many
too stress ……. oh well,

happens ….. yet not the end-all
life has a way of churning
and becoming new incarnations that are old incarnations
yet not since
not then

……..but now!


empower – ment —- higher power and then


that i fight
where i come from
whatever that thing is
responsibility is the glue

the thing that designs


beams of light and sensory

all something then constructed

into what you
what me and i

might call our day

is it a good day?
you don’t know until it’s over

or do you?

so come back around to time
(isn’t that conveniently circular)
and how time and belief
and understandings on length of life
or duty or the path of the spirit

brings any to the fact that we have a deadline

only so much time to do what you can

the answer and questions so many authors explore
in so many works…

death and belief of death
is not that there is horrification over death

it is the fact that one person
cannot stand to see another person horrified
and so comforts

with any belief they can
any explanation
any way to bring about peace

when understanding is impossible

thing about that is everything implodes to the degree
and factors that it is complicated and built-up

and let-it-go is just not quite comprehensive enough
to define an optimal attitude

i like to think this can wait
but it can’t wait
we call the most difficult process in life
“making up your mind”

making up

or a mask
make up for the face
for a better look
for better reaction from others

and i have experimented

judging reactive states

they say what you see of yourself is more important than what others see of you
but that isn’t true
since what others see and believe your person to be
is an influential guide
onto how you see or what you believe of yourself

for others, i only want that to be good
i just want others to know i see good

as in this structure we have
of humans on this planet

this ‘community’

it’s alright

and in some ways, extremely fragile
fragile balance

but in others, a construct that is not dependent
on any one belief

and that’s how it should stay
no utopia

just the process of good will
developing itself into a sense
of age

so many things known to exist in wrongness
so many things designed by men who
were tortured of mind

and that is the study of those minds
and what led to some of the aspects

of furthering their personal pain
onward to others

that is something that can be tackled
and so ….

what i believe is that belief is a motivating factor

and i need motivation
a lot more than i need to know how i will end up
on the other side
of death’s indiscretion

what she believes i believe means a lot more to her than it does to me


all i know is i don’t concern myself about what others believe
i hope they can think and process belief

not be sealed into one

what is moving onward?
as opposed to settlement


well we definitely have too many words
or too few


oh it’s a never no mind

i wish to have some good for myself but is all a matter of measuring

what the now is
as measure to past nows

and that is something that sometimes boggles my mind in scope

the degree of information inward that has churned

and created a very different human being as i stand now
compared to as i stood then
might even be worse

there’s no way for me to know
i can only quantify a difference
can’t quantify ‘good’ or ‘bad’
better or worse

mostly i reserved … not on foresight
but according to all
creating a larger difference

and will continue to dig in and drag my feet

that is what i do
you have to slow a process before you can study it

and observation

is a much better alternative to destruction

belief is a much better alternative to horrification

and having an alternative
a choice

is a better thought
than worshipping despair
and elevating doom to your ‘god’ of choice

we say it is better to be part of the solution than part of the problem

that’s simply saying that good also can work in tandem

and might yet ………… but maybe part of good
part of the enrichment of life itself
is the fact that individuals
do make their own path and own way

you don’t try to block it
you just observe and move yourself
out of the way — except one thing as
the dance goes ………… don’t get too tired out
remember to say enough is enough

and enjoy your cup of coffee before it gets too cold



mastering the turn

A reaction is manipulatible, being of a nature easily manipulated.

Mendacity is very manipulatible, for a pattern emerges within torture.

Stomp goes into the bathroom to stomp if I run the water there. He goes into the kitchen to stomp if I run the water there. So when I want peace to work on fixing a computer, I send him to the bathroom or the kitchen by running the water.

Manipulation. Dog herding the cattle. Reactive states. Reaction. Is not a coincidence that one of the first things a sedative does, is take away reaction.

Predictive reaction.

Created by want
By need

Child wants the candy
Eat your dinner and you can have the candy
Finish school and you can have the job
Use beauty products and you can have the man

Manipulation based on desire
What does a person want?

So is it about getting others to do what you want
Or is it about….
the want of others leading them to do what you will?

the master manipulators
we have goals
the ambiguity behind purpose

tactic my whole life has been to avoid being a victim of manipulation
by not wanting anything; by having no preset-desires
nothing cut and dry

a world of make-do
manage what you have not what you wish you had
what is a slave?
i liked this explanation by an electronics engineer
about how electricity is always looking for ground
looking for REST
and the way a circuit and the way a computer works
is you deny it rest
make it transverse eternal mazes
before it can go back around and transverse more
doing our work
our thinking …. in some ways
the computer is the ultimate torture machine
for the charged particle…..

manipulated into unbelievable feats
all because it never doubts what it wants
always wants REST

so what does a human want
how is that manipulated …. SLAVES
to this and that
to ideas in many ways – to the logic and idealism of others
to determinations of best
and behavior suited

some day it might be different
what if beds were a cradling hole in the floor …
what if homes only had a rooftop in place in bad weather
what if people always stood on their heads when they gathered?

what if asking for something meant wanting it
what if prayer enforces need
what if need then enforces manipulation

what if time is not spent well thinking this,
typing this
what if my best or better day is spent on a walk
or getting work done
the back burners are piling up and smoking in a bonfire….

so manipulation can be an evil thing
is not mentioned in the evils….
those are greed and laziness and hate

manipulation has even manipulated itself off of the list!

oh what a world
mostly i look …. and grin


so the rain allows to breathe
deep rhythm with the grass of green
and hushing reverie; drought ends.
air a gift of cool relief,
the day a nom de plume

that rises,

in gusts remind me wind will dry old tears
as rain reminds me every hope is (was always) here:
brought to the fore,
no other one has reached in tender
odds of grace.
a silent place
has every noise of ones before,
and if i held my breath

it was the all to listen for the all;
inside is naught but gall!
while dreams
set to a plate are nailed through abject promises.
but ends, never the same and
while i know how want confirms repast,
there is no hope that longly ever lasts.
truth rippled-slow with blame:

time was not, yet now the was is much.
beside me, conquest smiles with heaven’s touch.


How likely are you to recommend this build of Windows 10 to a friend or colleague?

it’s looking better, am still not happy with touchpad driver support. i try using spartan but it fails to perform so end up going back to IE. initial load time for most apps from the store is inordinately long. the integration between “settings” and “control panel” has gotten better. the notification sounds are excellent.

unless drivers improve, need setting for intermediate user to disable auto-driver-install. also, update is buggy yet. says needs to restart and then install process remains at 0%. puts up a “restart now or will automatically restart at xx:xx pm” and then does not restart at that time, nor does it finish installing. so i interrupt my work and wait, and update does nothing. clicking on some notifications in notification window creates no result. if the notification is moot, needs to either be marked by system as completed, or a right-click response or something … anything. as is, makes it look like notification programming is broken or buggy. and makes the user rush to click on it when it comes up, which i know the time frame for that has been reduced. the combination of no response and quick notification window creates a kind of game. most users don’t want a game when they are trying to get some work done.

and that’s about it. i would like to see options for limiting auto-start programs return (real ones, not the bogus task manager UI). also we need a way to alert users when a program is installing “extras” like adobe flash tries to install mcaffee, java tries to install, etc. if somebody could figure out an answer to that, could save a lot of headaches for a lot of people. let those bottom fish die, it’s not worth the hassle. pay them directly to NOT add extra programming, lol.

so be well, and have a good launch.