Bad pills – Gabapentin and the instant Mean Drunk

They should call them “instant mean drunk” pills. Remember when i interrupted rudely (or MORE rudely) at the church meeting? Ran over Yvonne B? That was the Gabapentin. Now to be known as instant mean drunk.

It is a neuraleptic originally used for epilepsy. Then they used it like Tegretol, for bipolar. But unlike Tegretol, it causes loss of PRESENCE OF MIND. Problem with that, is there is NO presence of mind LEFT, to tell you it is the medication that is causing the loss of presence of mind. It is one of the ‘bad’ ones listed by the government as potential for causing people to commit suicide.

After a limited go on crazy people, because of course most are more “in tune” and could step off of something this dangerous — then Gabapentin was marketed as something for the nerves, for reducing nerve pain. And i get it — it makes you feel GREAT! the mean drunk FEELS great all the time – of course all that time is spent yelling at others and believing they are always right. The feeling of “well-being” will create all kinds of differing behavior because of the LOSS OF PRESENCE OF MIND.

This is a VERY scary medication for the medical community to be distributing so widely left and right. Goes under NOT GOOD and I am putting out a warning. Because you might think that it is your good diet, your extra exercise — you just feel so on top of everything. And so does the mean drunk. The mean drunk feels on top of the world.

The absence of PRESENCE OF MIND.

And humans NEED that presence of mind to realize what the medication is doing. It is under the class of psychiatric drugs given first to patients, so that prescribers can add 20 more down the road to experiment on cocktails that then get put into one pill for the next great medical breakthrough.

Do i know what i’m talking about? Pretty much. The only reason I myself “woke up” out of the Gabapentin stupor, was because my shoulder broke out in a rash not seen since teenage years. The body started rebelling, so i listened to it. With what presence of mind i had left. Which was about the size of a five year old self.

This is not candy. Gabapentin is NOT candy. It is NOT pain medication. It is a very strong psychiatric pill. It is a medication that is used for depression — similar to prozac with the same warnings for possible suicide. My thoughts, before reading anything on it this week — were that I don’t think it is healthy for me to go around stoned all day. And that was on ONE pill a day. ONE. Doctor wanted me to work up to taking THREE a day…..

I would have been lost. Everybody is taking it, so it must be safe? It is a TM — a trap medication. The part of you that would inform you that something is wrong– is the part that is silenced by the medication itself.

They say they do not fully understand why Gabapentin stops nerve pain. But mean drunks feel no pain….it is no mystery.

And this is NOT pain medication — it is one of the strongest psychiatric medications made.

I won’t say another thing on Gabapentin, I promise. But I’m just putting out this official warning because i wouldn’t be able to live with myself if i didn’t.

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driver support for Lenovo X220 in Windows 10

even though Windows ten APPEARS to install with little need in manual driver installation, today i decided it just wasn’t running correctly. mostly you will notice too much fan noise and over-heating during even simple tasks. so i went to the Lenovo website and downloaded the intel chipset driver that is only slotted for Windows Xp through Windows 8 ….. and it installed and now is definitely better and not so dang frantic.

or i hope so. doesn’t make sense that Ubuntu Linux can run a full-screen video with much less effort. though difficult to determine if it is the chipset support or the intel graphics driver support. mainly in the thinkpads, it is the absence of the Lenovo power manager in Windows 10 that is the problem.

so i’m going to tinker with it a bit more and see how far i can get.

if it won’t fly straight, will be putting Windows 7 back on it and leave it at that. obviously Linux is able to use a driver that does not incorrectly tax the system. and since the drivers in Ubuntu are freeware and open source, there is absolutely no reason or excuse for Windows 10 using bad chipset drivers.

then again, what else is new? Linux running better than Windows — no big surprise there. it IS frustrating when you just want to be able to watch a video or play a fullscreen video game without excessive fan noise giving you a migraine. plus you can just feel when the hardware is having to work too hard.

the reason i’m using Windows 8 WITHOUT the 8.1 update on the T520 — is to double check on suspicions. so far it does seem that it is the 8.1 and up systems that have driver problems for the chipsets and intel HD graphics. in order to know why, i’d have to know a lot more about writing drivers or altering them. and that’s a lot of study for fixing one or two things. plus it is the job of the software engineers making the operating systems.

something definitely wrong, though — in Windows 8.1 and Windows 10 intell chipset support. if you just google “Windows 10 too much fan noise” you will get lots of entries from lots of frustrated users. because it’s a different platform, it’s really not fair to say “Linux can do it, why not Windows?” but there needs to be some kind of solution …. because so far the Windows solution appears to be to wear out older hardware until users have to buy new computers. and i think that’s not quite the best thing for them to be doing.

setting up thinkpad x220 entertainment system

so that is my goal for this week, to get the X220 i bought on ebay into shape and where i want it. i ordered and installed an mSATA 64gb flash drive, as well as a 1tb normal hard drive.

yesterday, installed windows 7 on the mSATA, and then ran the update to windows 10. left a small 10gb partition for Ubuntu. so this morning, am installing Ubuntu to that partition, while attempting to put the Linux boot loader onto a usb flash drive. that way, the Linux bootmanager is not in competition with the windows bootmanager.

did things a little differently this time — am attempting to run everything on the EFI rather than the legacy Bios. with EFI, then the hard drives can use the GUID – GPT partition tables and NOT be limited to only 4 partitions per drive. i have avoided the EFI as much as possible, but read this last week that an EFI system can get faster response times.

over the years, i’ve looked at many ways to speed up a system. at first, it seemed like upgrading memory was how to go about that. then it seemed like all must be dependent upon the CPU. and now — now i realize so very much of how fast or slow a system runs, is mostly dependent on the hard drive and its read and write speeds. SO — hence the mSATA for running a system. best way to describe a system on an mSATA, is “snappy.”

the mSATA’s can get pricey. and not every laptop or computer has the hardware slot to plug in an mSATA. plus they can be in awkward spots on the motherboard. like with the X220 i’m currently working on, the mSATA slot is underneath the palm rest and you have to remove the keyboard and touchpad/palm rest to even get to it. good thing about thinkpads, is doing that is relatively painless.

but i have a lot to learn about the EFI systems and installing anything on a GPT and with the EFI instead of legacy Bios. will Ubuntu even install now, when i want the boot loader on a separate usb drive? well it might not, since one of the reasons i’m sitting down to write is that the Ubuntu install appears to have stalled while trying to format the usb flash drive.

and it might be a case of try, try again. or it might be a case of isn’t going to happen with the EFI and its infamous “safe boot” process.

in which case, i could just install the Ubuntu on the 1tb hard drive and set that to run on the legacy Bios. doesn’t seem as neat … would be nice to have the two operating systems on the one mSATA and reserve the 1tb drive only for storage or larger programs. but such is life. only can do what you can do.

well the install has not moved along in the entire time i’ve been typing this, so looks like i’ll have to shut it down and re-try the Ubuntu install on the EFI. i’m pretty sure they’ve built in the EFI capability since version 14 and i’m trying to install the latest 15.10 version.

the other option, is to see about maybe trying out the new Android for PC — the Remix-OS …. though kind of not sure. would be interesting to have all my Android apps available on the PC.

end goal for me, is to have one laptop for “Work” — the solid workhorse thinkpad T520 — and then have the smaller and lighter thinkpad X220 for “Play.” funny thing about that, is the X220 has the stronger CPU. but because of the size of the machine itself, the degree of heat is more and performance more limited than the T520.

i know most see the “tech-talk” and roll their eyes ….lol.

well since the Ubuntu system is still stalled …. will have to redo it. i DO love the young kids working on the Linux systems — their sense of humor. it stalled at “secret service sync” ….lol! oh they make me smile.

the shelter holds despair

smack a rose and watch it bleed
drips of honey
quiet seed

rivers flow and children play
in fountains tinged
with mocking greys

down to the docks where no man hums
a lift and shake and bump of bums

true bitter smile
is near-do-well
how to explain
the clang of bells?

so smack the rose and watch it bleed
hearts once golden
gone to seed

and all about the earth we cry
the sadness of a watchful eye
he died alone and turned full-blue
a silent death for all he knew
the draw is strong
the cost is great
to weave in songs
such loss and hate…

oh! smack your rose!
and watch it bleed
i just don’t care
don’t see the need

ride your rails
and strum your stuff
the love of death
the bleed of bluff

how cool am i?
how cool were you?
we all were taken
he died blue
and lost to what was hoped to gain

pounding fists
the silent rein

a wonder that the world survives
for all the eyes that never cry
and down
so very down it goes
my own small gift as time may grow

smack your rose and watch it bleed
a river
running to the sea
a life that’s left with only need

i tell you i have seen more pain
a rose by any other name…

so how do we begin?

to watch it bleed
and ring those bells
a heart of stone
of wishing wells

and fairy tales that never come true
my god!
he died alone and blue!
do you get it?
do you understand?
there’s nothing funny fooling man
nothing i can truly see…

so smack your rose, and watch it bleed

pocket full of posies
ashes ashes we all fall down
though jack and jill still hold their crowns

blame it on one apple
knowledge plucked from every tree…
to only see the bitters swell
to smack of rose
to touch and bleed

don’t ask
don’t ask
they only dream
it all is paste
a lovely ream

confused, contrite
hardly can breathe
so smack the rose — the watch that bleeds

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smack a rose and watch it bleed

it’s a little disturbing that the nfl would use a melody from “kiss of a rose” -a song about drug use (kiss of a rose is the high from heroin, and rose can also be the name for pot) -to make nfl commercial about “family and football ”

face it, we are a culture of tricksters. secret meanings and double meanings are what the English language is all about. nothing quite so funny than to have children think they are singing along to a song about Mary Poppins, and it’s really about Mary Jane. And of course there is the subtle manipulation to perceive drug use in different forms of life, rather than the eye-opening portrayal such as in Trainspotting.

so in this “vein” of thought — i go looking for lists of songs that many never thought were about drugs. for the most part, every list i found contains songs that never really made it big or were never that popular. we all know ‘puff the magic dragon’ is about drugs– though “chasing the dragon” is breathing heroin vapors, not pot.

one song no one seems to mention, is hootie and the blowfish “follow me” that was on every radio station for awhile in the 90’s. people truly did not realize that song was about heroin use, and probably still do not. one thing that is so ironic or humorous in its way — is that there have probably been more love songs written to drugs than to any woman ever in history. a slightly different set of priorities.

“when the day is grey and ordinary….Mary makes your heart feel light” …. “the kiss of a rose on the grey”

and it goes on …. LSD — lucy in the sky with diamonds ….. that one is well known. yet if you go down the road completely, in search of hidden meanings — almost always find a huge pit of quicksand that swallows you all up. look for it, and you will find it. and that is why looking for hidden meanings or claiming to know hidden meanings can be a dangerous business. suddenly all is conspiracy, and the world will never be the same.

but i think it’s important to be a LITTLE bit cautious — and not always rely on that one member of every group that sniffs out the lies. because that’s what it is. hidden meanings within songs about drug use, might be funny and give a good laugh to those in the know–but bottom line, is it is a lie told by liars.

if you are “in the know” does that make you special? not really — because try ‘being in the know’ and staying silent about it. that’s the real trick. and when that happens it doesn’t leave you laughing inside … leaves you with tears and crying that never stops.

what is harm? can we be protected? no. but golly gee, don’t need to serve up the public on an ignorant silver platter. songs spinning to the tune of lives lost in fields of poppies. though it is a testament to how all-consuming a love of drugs can turn-into — can be. the one thing on your mind, night and day. and i don’t know the answer to beating any of that. all i know is that in the past and even with copious wine consumption — one answer was to keep a part of yourself NOT consumed. to keep something sober in reserve.

but that’s not my point, and i digress. the point is, writing songs that sound innocent but are really about drugs, is WRONG. and using those song melodies then to make a commercial about superbowl babies and family and football (have another addiction, anyone?) is WRONGER, still.

this is not something anyone can shout to the mountain tops — there will always be plausible deniability and placing the blame on the other foot. that’s why they think it’s so cute. but give me a break. some might be singing along and happy on a superbowl sunday. yet i’m the one sitting there horrified with my jaw dropped. ugh. slowly get out of my chair, and turn the damn tv off.

people are evil? often. but there’s no need to wallow in it–at least not today.