the plague of larger bodies for america


interesting studies of late that point out obesity has more to do with the human microbiome than anything else. in otherwords the fat-causing bacterium are winning out over the thin-causing bacterium. there might be correlations to diet, but diet is not the full cause. there needs to be more study on that. because if true, then what america needs is a different environment for the good type of bacteria. and all the recent use of sanitizers might be a key factor. the use of anti-bacterial soaps might be a key factor. the over-use of antibiotics might be a key factor.

and since when have children ever wanted to eat what is “good for them?” i sure can’t figure it out. my daughter’s first exploration into eating on her own was to dip into the houseplant dirt and smile as she chewed away…..

there are studies, and they don’t refute that diet is not an influence, but they put the cause at the state of the microbiome – not necessarily caloric value of food or over and under eating. it’s interesting and done with a large data set over a long period of time. as well as experiments with “fecal implants” from thin people to fat people.

the findings conclude that the human microbiome, and the state of the microbiome in an individual, is the key factor for determining whether that individual will be fat or thin. what I AM SAYING — is that IF this true, then all the methods embarked on to help reduce american obesity are barking up the wrong tree.

there’s no law against barking up two trees at once … so might be worth looking into.

one of the biggest problems with the reasoning of mankind, is we will take something that isn’t working and decide we just need more of the same solution. instead of finding an alternate solution, and instead of even clearly defining the problem — will cling to an original premise and the original solution and determine that it has not been working because we just need more of the same but at a greater amplitude.

while working in computer science and repairing systems, i find that deciding to apply more of the same is often the wrong path. as a tech, i need to reevaluate the problem and look for other solutions.

lifelong failure

fear of being depended on
bad english
but the bad is often more simpler

i have these incidences
throughout life
where i didn’t come through
and still feel shame
to think of them

not forgiveness so much
as it was a failure
to get the other party
to understand the circumstances
like being judged and hung
without a trial
but knowing you were guilty
and it’s the entire laws
that need to be proven wrong

the expectation of perfection?
but this is my white whale
only took half a century
to see it
though finding the problem
and solving it are two
different things

the cases of overexpectation
for me on the majority of times
occured for a paid task

they generally involved my brain
forgetting to do something

the fear and cringing of castigation
has effected me to where
i constantly remind myself
over and over when something
important needs doing

it doesn’t sit and wait for the time
the anxiety builds
and that’s normal
except for the degree

how i am terrified
of not meeting expectations

to where i have
avoided being necessary in all things
i don’t want to be depended on

why does it hurt so deeply
why have i chosen to avoid altogether

it’s the lack of forgiveness from others
but the shame deep in myself
for creating a failure that shouldn’t have happened

they have long forgiven or forgotten
but i still carry it
almost as a judgment on THEM
for being too harsh and demanding perfection

i was hired to pick up a friend’s children after school
i really didn’t want the job
knew i was already over burdened
but my husband insisted we needed the money

one day i was busy and forgot
the children were ok
taken care of by teachers that stayed late
and i rushed to the school when i remembered

but i was raked over the coals …
how could i be such a terrible person?

what is wrong with you ….

but it’s what has always been wrong with me
or it’s what has always been wrong
with a system that demands perfection?

i have no defense
i’m an idiot
i forgot
you have me dead to rights
and the hatred hits me like a ton of bricks

i feel shamed
i feel like i can’t help being a forgetful person
because that is what i am
but what i am is bad
very bad

so i try to not be necessary
for anything or anyone

and if i start becoming necessary
…. even for simply existing as a person loved
i work to be unloved or less lovable

i don’t want to be necessary
and then punished when who i am
is not enough

so i’m going to be looking at this
because it’s definitely the problem
of my entire path
through life

the solution is not lists
every time i make a list
there is a 99% chance i will fail to complete
everything on it
as if am caught in some kind of
rebelion against myself

i don’t feel rewarded
even when finish buying
what’s on a shopping list

i feel stupid and inferior
for not being able to remember
what i need to buy anymore

my brain does not work that way
i have to remind myself of names
constantly go over them
to even remember the names of relatives …

as i get older it’s just getting worse
i hear the names of characters
spoken on a sitcom
ones i’ve heard over and over
and this time around they seem strange
and unfamiliar …

but it’s not just how it is
it’s how it has always been
i’ll remember complete images
from 40 years ago…. like looking up
at the wall of children’s art at a
school competition
and i remember every single line of the one
i submitted
i can place myself there in my mind
as completely as if it’s time travel

but i will forget the name of a friend
as i’m speaking with them …
& part of me panics

i think there has to be a solution
for not wanting to be depended on

a philosophy should have embraced?
a knowledge failed to gather

perfection and expectations
my memory for words has never been strong
it’s not going to get stronger

it’s why i write
to remind myself i can think
i just don’t do it quickly

have to fumble through
and backspace a lot

but that’s enough about me
how has your day been?

i can’t seem to get going
it’s cloudy outside but still hot
and muggy

i feel like i’m hurting
for every single human misery
sad and sighing as if there
is no hope that things will get better
for anyone …

but i just need to get off my rear
and get moving
plenty of things to get done
yet nothing that can’t wait

it’s not the joy that’s hard to find, you know
it’s that if you have much joy
stand out like a sore thumb
among all the somber people
all the ones that remember things well
all the ones who are necessary

i’m sure going to take a long time
thinking on this one …

so don’t mind me
i have always been too self-involved
always worried about how i looked
always anxious about what others thought of me
it’s a neverending trial
yet the regrets are few
the big picture is clear
and the details are fuzzy…

would have made a terrible star

the meaning of futility

it’s not rocket science
human microbiome has been shown in studies
to be the determining factor
for a thin or fat physique

therefore the increase of obesity
in americans could be the result
of changes within the human microbiomes
of americans

changes in the last decade or so
have been uses of anit-bacterial soap
and increasing use of hand sanitizer

could come down to how frequently
a human being bathes

but to assume that everyone, including children
have just been pigging out
doesn’t seem to be a very good reasoning

plus everybody thinks a correlation
means a direct correlation

when it could be both food intake
and amount of weight show increases
due to a third factor that is increasing one or both

we already know we have thrown bacteria balances off
with the over-use of anti-biotics

then doubled down on that
with a society-wide paranoia of germs
(wiping down shopping carts
that mostly helps the ones selling the wipes!)

and now have this problem with people
just plain being more fat
while blaming everything except what it really might be…

which is we have created an environment
where bacteria is out of balance
and one kind has been allowed to thrive
over another

there is a whole other microscopic world
right under the surface

and we need to take care of that one, too
instead have decided to kill things off indiscriminately
without any real understanding
of what we are doing….

and then forget about the possibility of a third factor
within explanations of cause and effect
and THEN everything gets geared to profit
profit profit … even fat is good for selling
anti-fat methods
so there is no downside to leaving things as they are
and to wreak more havoc in the microscopic world
until damage is irreversible

so might be something to look at
only a hypothesis … but i think on the off chance it’s true
some steps should be taken to restore a healthy balance
to the human microbiomes of america

at the least there is probably as much if not greater need
to work on preserving those environments
as we do for the environment around us

on your own doorstep

this day?
well the birds are singing
though harmony is not what i would call it

many things to be done
i never see the sun rise
it simply becomes light

summer air is often cloying
in this place
though after visiting arizona for a summer
have decided there is no room
for complaint

a word of advice?
i seldom keep it to one word
i suppose i should work on that
how does a peaceful heart remain?

the spirit guides
and i usually follow
to where freedom is not very free

and my thought
on how i am perceived
is very small

balance an intriguing thing
the more bound by convention
the greater joy at a bit of freedom

and it is the joy that will do you in
life must be serious
and plaited with worries

or direction is lost
though i do enjoy directionless moments
where the spirit is silenced
and choice becomes another thing

freedom becomes a point of wonder
and wonder redeems

habits and its comfort
ritual multiplied by

yet sometimes i breathe deeply
and sometimes not at all

to simply know freedom stays
to choose other paths
to see different ends to counted beginnings
to love the nature of a dream

forward i look
sometimes smile
sometimes frown
but when i look down
see only the next step

it resides in the spirit under us all
whom i tell to hush
a day can be planned or not planned
our pride can be held close
or set free

sometimes i breathe deeply
and sometimes not at all

sometimes i welcome every new path
and sometimes a heart can only measure the distance

i suppose this day belongs to itself
the birds tell me it is half past forever
and no hurry to prove anything
let alone the grand nature of a fool
who has decided the best of all possible worlds
won by default