it’s 2015 and we aren’t thankful yet

am thankful for family and friends, yes
but also thankful for a warm home
when it’s cold outside
am thankful for enough food
when many in this world hurt from hunger
am thankful can still walk and stand
even through pain
because that option isn’t always there for many
many broken
harmed beyond all repair

they say the world is what you make it
they say it’s important to greet each day
with a thankful heart

the older i get
the more i complain
yet only hope that it’s older and wiser
most days

to see the world differently
for what you can give rather than get
though pride left me not receiving
many times
and the challenge is often to lower
expectations and allow others
to be gracious
not something i often pin my hopes

if i could ask for something today
it would be that please find what makes you happy
because happiness spreads
with no discrimination
no judgment or complaint

joy is something outside of
things to be thankful

and i am most thankful for those who are continually
joyful and happy
sharing smiles and knowing those smiles
count for everything
in this world

beyond warm homes
or full stomachs
or bonds between family, friends

you can give a smile to anyone
so please, share your joy this thanksgiving
be happy and content with yourself
who you are
and let that flow outward

to be honest
i’m a starved soul many days
because so many share only their discontent
spread only anger and sorrow and needs
going far beyond necessity
the joy of the imagination
is also the pain of what cannot be had
or reached

but today — just one day
put off all that and spread a few smiles
watch them grow and it comes back to you

those smiles come back to bolster the spirit
the spirit of thanks
the wonder, the blessing? the overwhelming joys
of Thanksgiving

i have leftover pumpkin
waiting to be made into pumpkin bread
there is a bit of snow on the ground
this morning but not much and the air
does not feel clean like it would after
a good snow fall
i feel tired and sort of disappointed
suppose because there seems to be no end
to the effort that must be made
and part of me wants to scream
to wake the world up and not care
how i’m seen or how others react
i sip my coffee and settle in to write a bit
but my own words ring hollow
they chime of a spirit too full of its
own (misconception) of importance
and i weep for that in a way — know there is
a fix of some sort
a different wording here or there
but decide to let it stand
and let myself be seen as pompous
because it’s kind of what happens
when you cross a line and i’ve been
crossing them my whole life in attempts
for something different
a world that reacts differently
the coffee grows cold
the fingers turn to ice
and my own brain is very far
from being thankful for its own work
to close the eyes and lean back
think of how patience is a virtue
how pride is a sin
yet the only thing that’s protected me many times
alone in a room full of people
to keep a vision in sight
to not forget a place or purpose

though it all fades…. and even joy
becomes a burden
i glance out the windows
to the morning light coming in
the green of the house plants
like so many of us humans
i dread the larger gathering
the family obligation
the noise and confusion and parties we have
for giving thanks
am very far from being thankful
for the standard thanksgiving affair

such a necessity to rise above
to not be concerned about the judgment
the way any family might perceive
its black sheep
i kind of sigh
know i’m an idiot, for the most part
take a last sip of coffee
before closing my notebook

to be or not to be trampled ….

i have always interpreted “fascist” as those who thrive on fear, and within that fear will strive to overly–or overtly–control their fellow man through legislation or military might… or social coercion.

a type of not allowing others to be or exist, especially if those others are seen as a “threat.” and then within the grouping-sense, the “enemy” is used as a bonding-point and way to enforce solidarity within that group. rather than, say they all like to get together on tuesday nights for basket weaving.

part of the seduction of fascism, is the rise in power over others. and of course, that is more tempting for those who exist in a manner that makes them feel powerless.

historical fascism might be something different — but the center or kernel is still the same as the commonly held definition.

and the ease with which those surrounding you might turn into rhinos — that still stays the same.

you really can’t let down your guard, while saying the propensity for fascism is extinct — simply because its origins are oceans and centuries away.

far as Trump is concerned — he’s not the richest man in the world and never will be. he is loud and undignified. he would make a very poor representative for the american people to the rest of the world. hopefully enough americans can see that. if they can’t, then how to explain that except by a thrall? by the draw to be yet another rhino …. so i think, all in all, that fascism and fascist is an apt term. or close enough.

passage of time tunnels

such a basic instinct
hatred of the pretty
though funny when an old show
and reality is they are all old now
like me…

you realize that even if
they held on to some form of beauty
we will all be equal
as dust
when 6 foot under
it’s a strange thing
to watch the slow-bouncing boobs
on Bay-Watch
i had forgotten all about this show
never did watch it much when it was on
but ….

there is something interesting
about the extremely obvious amounts of
grandma liked the show
maybe it helped to believe youth that stupid
empty of ….or maybe full of innocence?
hard to say

i clearly don’t understand people
these are images after all
the dust trail of a comet
not the comet itself

that part’s long gone
i smile at how i can tell
the age of any film according
to its degeneration….

i pick up on something
maybe the air quality that year

maybe it all fades no matter how it is saved
the souls captured, fade

until they are used up completely
or maybe there has never been anything THERE
really there
maybe it’s all a very complicated form
of mass hallucination
maybe every single bit of capture — film
and moving pictures — is but a mass
hallucination stored and re-accessed
by some giant earthly program

and as they age
they fade in earth’s memory

all men must die?
oh heck, the hard thing for most to realize
is that all men must live

courtesy-of buisnessinsider .com

courtesy-of buisnessinsider .com

Microsoft and Windows 10 needs work

dear Windows,

we need to have a talk.

number 1: the non-option to NOT install problematic drivers. a: because even using the “work-around” of the special program to hide updates require I first uninstall the bad, reinstall good, etc. b: because today windows 10 INSTALLED THE HIDDEN UPDATE.

2. I WAS an insider. might have to go back so can contribute enough. I have to constantly check the refresh rate now, because Windows 10 changes it to 50 sometimes with no pattern I can detect. (intel HD graphics driver, very common driver) not even as a power-saving that can see, but it wastes my time to have to constantly check. 50 is bad for the eyes, btw. are looking at lawsuits. though no one else cares so you’re probably safe.

number 3: the interface for modifying personalization is unacceptable. just use it a bit, you’ll see what I mean. plus the theme save in it is inoperable — only thing it saves is the wallpaper, so actually wastes time to save and set a theme. did anyone check on that AT ALL?

in the small-range, the synaptic driver for Lenovo Thinkpad is INCORRECT. momentum non functional, yet momentum left as an option. IF you cannot program a past function, or IF need to leave non-functional — DO PLEASE REMOVE OPTION FROM USER INTERFACE. as it stands, windows 10 is installing broken drivers. (same results in 6 different models of thinkpad)

so I can NOT recommend Windows 10 to members of the church or neighbors or family AT THIS TIME. am waiting, but will only wait so long before I start to advise in an approach that involves option number 3. I will never advise option 2, going over to Apple. but 3 is still there, and always will be. and that’s sitting on a beach without a computer, and letting life pass by in a different way.

first should have set up a new data base to issue windows 10 keys to those who are upgrading from windows 7 or 8. one that would deauthorize the 7 or 8 key at the same time as authorizing the 10.

for laptop touchpads, the defaults are bad. edge swipe is unbelievably annoying and already shows in forums with instructions on how to disable. the accidental touch settings are so tight, that often have to tap several times, only in the very middle, for the tap-click to work. which defeats the entire purpose of the tap-click. if have to tap a specific spot, might as well be having to press the right and left click buttons. so that is infuriating — and not having the double-tap for right click makes no sense. it still works with a registry hack.

the edge browser is unsecure. every time I have tried it, takes only one or two days before something crashes it. and in spectacular ways, where restarting the edge browser just takes it back to the bad web page that crashes it.

using a bit-torrent server process for distributing updates is asking for trouble. having defaults set to latch on to any and every hot spot, is asking for trouble.

the driver issues need to be addressed. especially graphics drivers. time to get in bed with intel, NVidia, and amd and ATI. buy them out, buy in … something. there is no computer without graphics. and there is no good computer, without correctly smooth-running graphics.

find a way to make Cortana less of a resource hog. as it stands, I advise users to not initiate Cortana.