The sermon

Trump is proven to be a liar with my own eyes. And my own ears. I’m a funny and unforgiving kind of person, so that if someone LIES TO ME I don’t give them a second chance. I will then never take them at their word ever again, and ALWAYS crossreference anything they expound …anything that comes from them on out as though it were truth MUST be checked and vetted before it is added to the body of knowledge in my own brain. I just don’t trust liars, and it’s a very sad day when the president of the United States must be crossreferenced to be believed. And that’s where it stands, I never had to even crossreference Bush, etc….I just didn’t like his decisions. But he didn’t stand there trying to say the sky is green. And again, I keep my own integrity and I vet truth before I collate it with existing understandings. The thing that is nice about the times is that they do stick to facts because it’s a Times. Think of times like the ak-47 gun in the journalism arsenal of Truth. Now it is a fact, that the further into LIES someone goes, the more those who tell the truth will be disappearing in the distance. The more that lies wrap a heart, the more impossible it is for that person to even recognize truth. They wouldn’t know Jesus … The TRUTH AND THE WAY … If they saw Him right in front of them. Because lies have decorated their world of false gods and false idols …. The worship of money and the bowing to a king of lies….to one man of power in the hopes for favors from Earth, while God in heaven weeps. Come away from Trump lies and to the truth ….”I am the truth and the way, no man comes to the father but by me.” Worshipping money was never the way, and bearing false witness was never something desirable in a leader. Those are the kind of leaders that only lead from behind. Those are the kind of leaders who set traps for their followers, jonestown is one. The system of the United States cannot protect you, only the truth and the way can protect you. Only the truth is going to set you free. Trumpistan is the nation of lies. The United States is the nation of Truth that will stand against it. It’s one of those things we can’t dissolve even if you want to win really really bad. Even if your ache for power is so strong, you will put a blasphemer on the throne and call him your god. What is power? It’s nothing if you can’t stop and smell the roses in the REAL world. And those black holes of lies will never release you. Integrity is important, and journalism of integrity are the knights of Truth ….. More than anything I wish them God speed. May the evil liars of trumpistan fall and fall hard. May the hypnotists like trump, and the charismatics who use their gifts of persuasion to harm the people, may they get their reward. Bury them in gold and tell them they get to eat it. Life is too damn short. And I’m too old to have to relate lessons that every baby in the nation should have learned by age 3. I don’t know what kind of fool it takes to follow something like a trump, but I know what kind of greed it takes…because there is only one kind. And it always rots whatever it occupies. On its deathbed it only sees the vortex, the paradox of lies. The endless infinity to confusion and fear, paranoia and violence. As for me and mine, our house will follow the Lord. NOT Trump.



So I’ve made certain changes in this last year. Sometimes I feel like the entire thing is insane…. And then I go, “No, no … Insanity is if you don’t try for improvement.”


1. Tried prescription glasses bought at the Good Will until found ones that didn’t give me a headache. The ones made for me by the eye doctor ALWAYS give me headaches. I decided to say enough. “Look mom, no headaches!” Thank God for second-hand stores.

2. With the reduction of sinus infections due to less teeth (as in no teeth after dentures) I reduced my number of pillows until I am now only using one. My (bad) back is very grateful.

3. I got a wagon for the store. I might look silly, but again — the back is very grateful!

4. I paid for storage in the building, which is helping me to organize and not subconsciously hoard and keep things I don’t need or use. I know it sounds backwards, but for some reason once I got all those boxes out of the bedroom–it helped me to treasure minimalism a little more and reconnect with pleasant surroundings by reducing clutter.

5. I switched from ground coffee to instant, which has half the caffeine. Plus there is less temptation to finish a whole pot. (No talking to me about keurig cups, please! The amount of waste in packaging should make everyone ashamed they even came up with it.)

Jury is still out on the best breakfast beverage, though. Might be a glass of water is the best thing to have in the mornings.

6. I’ve introduced Gatorade as a semi-staple. Mostly because I think I would have died from the flu without it this last summer, so not a bad thing to keep handy.

7. I quit smoking last March by using “habit replacement.”

It was a matter of finding something that wasted just as much time as smoking but perhaps had less side effects. That turned out to be crossword puzzles of all things. My grandmother would be very proud. (Inside joke)

The worst side effect turned out to be how others hate you for the way you smell. Interesting thing, that. The contrast is not obvious until after you no longer smell like smoke to others. I’m not sure why this makes me very sad. It does.

Anyway, the decision to change my habits occurred after reading a very good article about modifying human patterns of reward while recognizing TRANSITIONS throughout the day and simply making better choices. You don’t have to make the perfect choice, just better than the one you were previously making. Opened up a whole new world for me. In a way, these changes of the last year are a list of my better choices.

If you think of “habit” as the pieces of cheese in your maze, it really shines a light on things. Anybody approaching retirement age should seriously consider adopting Transitional Philosophy as a necessary part of the mental toolbox. Everybody needs TP😁😉.

8. I started ordering the paper. Reading the newspaper every day might not be the most exciting thing on Earth, but it does let me feel like I at least kept one tradition going when all the others seem to fall by the wayside. And it has daily crosswords!

9. Get out more and look for opportunities to experience something new. That’s kind of an ambiguous one, but it’s important for creatures of habit like me… because sedentary becomes stasis too easily and isolation has never been good for you.

This change #9 is definitely a work-in-progress and I don’t expect any success anytime soon! So far the biggest result is getting sick more. Go figure?

10. Doing the math on installment plans and mentally replacing the “only $9.99 a month!” with $120. It’s a small thing. But perception of price or cost versus the reality of cost, can have a really big gap sometimes.

Regarding that same subject…this year I started taking out my phone and using the calculator app while I shop at Walmart. Because the perception of cost can be very different from reality and their pricing (86 cents 96 cents 56 cents instead of 99 or only one penny off from dollar) ALWAYS left me feeling like I was hit over the head and robbed after going through the checkout. So I decided to make a better choice, and use the calculator for tabulating cost instead of my faulty brain that always seems to round down for some reason.

11. Less TV dinners and more home cooked meals that I then freeze for later. And you might think that this is because of all the preservatives and salt that is bad for you… But that’s only part of it. I don’t mind poor quality if I’m not paying that much for it. But if I’m paying high prices for swill that is better left to the hogs….lol… Might as well bite the bullet and prepare my own frozen dinners that are both economical AND taste better.

12. The last change or better choice I’ve made, is to not beat myself up over bad choices. And it does run the risk of disappearing into a paradox or into a black hole by posing that kind of a choice. But the difference when making this selection is clear: Let go of the past and the future isn’t quite such a scary thing.

And I know what you’re going to say, that we all need to learn from our mistakes and that we all make mistakes and that is how we learn and go forward to not make mistakes. The problem inside of that is the definition itself of “mistakes.”

Because a mistake for me might not be a mistake for you. All a mistake is…what the word “mistake” becomes inside of American culture—-is a choice that is contrary to somebody else’s choice. And then you get into the odd positioning that everything that is good for other people is supposed to be good for you and we think alike and we act alike and we buy things alike. Next thing you know you’re wondering why the whole world seems to have gone crazy at once.

(Now I’m wondering about the origins of the word “mistake”… Wouldn’t that be from a bad film scene? The “take” of the movie, that take went bad? But I’m sure the word is older than that.)

Thing is, no matter how much we act alike we aren’t always built alike. I am a good example of a physiology that is slightly different in some areas and very different in others.

You often don’t know the fork in the road was wrong for YOU until you take it and explore awhile. Can’t know a society like ours is telling the truth, because look at it. They would sell you your own eye teeth and tell you they’re vitamins!

People do continual bad things for themselves all the time only because everybody is doing the same bad thing. It’s the story of the emperor’s invisible clothes. And I’m not saying I’m not caught up, too. The level of my blindness is astounding sometimes.

But this year I did something different. For the first time in my life, I considered the possibility that there might be BETTER choices, not just different choices. Thing that I want to make clear, is that means better for ME.

Which that is part of loving yourself….one of the hokiest ideas I’ve seen circulate in my lifetime. If somebody needs to tell themselves they should love themselves, we’re looking at serious degrees of over-compensation to the Christian command of “love one another.” Don’t give more to others, give to yourself! Love yourself! Have some ME time! ….. it’s all really quite pathetic. Sorry, but it is.

However, in the sense of making choices that will work for YOU, that might not necessarily work for others … that part of life is just waiting to be explored. And it WAS explored before the mass production practice of the industrial revolution set everyone into identical patterns of living that are both fascinating and horrifying at the same time.

I looked at pictures of pioneers the other day. Posing in front of their sod cabins, picture after picture of all the diverse families …. And you could almost nail the exact moment when Mass Production replaced fulfilling the self-actualization of needs.

The saddest thing on that? Faces that no longer exist anymore. Nowhere. Breeds of human being that are no longer with us. Gone and gone….. Oh well, and I intended to keep this light. Best laid plans of mice and men….

They call rebellion as a teenager a phase, where growing into an adult means you buck the system before flying straight and supporting it.

But what if the whole system needs to make a better choice? What if we are collectively at a transition, and if we want something to change we need to stop making the same decisions and the same goals, and opt for something better. Better… You don’t have to be perfect. Just something better.

What if….. What if…..

The holidays are a very stressful time for me. And not just me! I remember singing the song “Holiday” at the top of my lungs as I drove my Datsun 200SX to work every day in Ventura. Through the landfill and over the river.

It seems to be an odd thing to choose to make merry together, doesn’t it? Scheduled for a date to be a collective joy, rather than an event that creates a collective joy…. Like a good rainfall after long drought. It all gets reversed for some reason. Cause—>Effect does not always equal Effect<—Cause. But try telling that to Alice and her mirror. If we had any one symbol to define this American life and age, it would be the cart before the horse.

Everybody makes choices. But for some reason, it becomes ingrained in us that only the COLLECTIVE choices matter. And maybe they don't. Maybe they never really did.

Merry Christmas. In case I get too busy in the coming weeks or go into a coma from watching too many videos on how to fashion the best cakes, candies and pies….

Do you really have to wonder why some people go bah-humbug? That fable is simply saying that those who are selling Christmas need to believe the notes of their own strained pitch. And I'm not selling a thing.

A Dissertation on the Fate of Mankind: Freedom is just another word unless you exercise exploratory-choice

lol well it’s just crazy! might as well decide that all children are evil because they don’t want to eat broccoli ………and that cheese sauce is redemption force of unequal magnitude ….(re a meme going around facebook saying “Muslims will take away your right to buy bacon!”)

meanwhile, they don’t blink an eye when other things are made illegal to sell …….. bacon is unlikely to make that list. but can’t sell certain medicines and drugs, unless doctor and government approved. so where is all the outrage against THAT?

because they don’t care about power being misused, what they care about is having power themselves, and what they fear is others having power and what they might do with that power.

and of course, those fears are a tell for what they themselves would do in whatever hated group’s place. so they are afraid of having bacon outlawed, because they don’t believe in smoking for instance, and outlaw it as much as possible.

the ones they actually fear is themselves, and then project.

comes down to fascism. but there’s a simple process in fascist thinking and reasoning that is missing, is all. has to do with the comprehension of mutually exclusive properties.

eh …. been mulling this crap, trying to get a handle on where the system failed. been driving me crazy since all this trump-worship nonsense the right has entered into.

have some family caught in it. the gaslighting branches … that’s one correlation. they are never wrong, any who doubt them are crazy. and then it’s also the sheep mentality of only adopting truths that are universal, without making any individual conclusions. the need for that reassurance of having everyone believe what they do. you can’t like anything on your own, it has to be loved and accepted by all.

and that’s why, of course ….it’s why the DISBELIEF in trump just needs to gain a majority in order to prevail. as long as the leaders see something like trump as profitable for THEM, they will take the sheep into hell without a single thought or regret. that all comes down to money, and keeping the system profitable for THEM and peddling wares. i’m pretty sure that the current breakdown is because you don’t put peddlers in charge of your society. and that’s what’s happened, with the drift and groove of manipulation — fad — selling whatever it is they want YOU to NEED.

the changes that can be made to the system would be to require more time for childhood exploration. it is the absence of exploring that is at fault in the pre-5 year old ages. NON-GUIDED CHOICES. in the fundamental development stage that can cement despair into a character for life — that element of exploration by the self entirely alone — is a necessity for balance against fear and despair.

so i think that is where the system has failed. and it did so naturally, BECAUSE — within the reduction of the number of offspring within the parameters of USA population controls, to culturally favor smaller families and less children (lately more from economic expense than anything else) ……. the “less children” makes each child more valuable and less likely to receive freedoms or interactions they might otherwise have before age 5. it also encourages greater spending on each child. and then now the shift to have MORE children is done to take that greater spending and multiply AFTER all the ways of getting by inexpensively have been forgotten.

(i’m still not sure what all the money-grubbing is about — those doing the grubbing must still live and either work or play in the mess they have made. though might have to do with dissociative factors in higher class levels, which are encouraged by isolation factors that remove them from society at large. exclusive schools, exclusive homes and neighborhoods, etc.—which they might see as unaffected by unstable cultures in the lower classes.??? would have to be stupid to believe that, but there ya go. maybe having/growing-up-with servants is the issue? )

within the reduction of freedoms, is a micro-management of “want.” assigned value according to division, rather than inherent or personal values assigned to objects. there is an infinite loop within that process, where as it goes forward then any item that you have less of is prized more ……. no matter its usefulness or necessity or need. to the extent that something that tastes awful, in a tiny amount — is more prized than something that tastes wonderful in large amounts. and we have the indoctrination of bite-sized candy for halloween, etc.

and so, within the reductions of childhood freedoms, comes the factor of reproducing the patterns into further generations. the controlling parent produces a child who in turn is controlling over their own children. the pattern progresses, and within an entire society of controlling — then you see the manifestations of what America currently is today. stop for red, go for green. the addition of cars and automobiles, became a reinforcement for having ONLY controlled behavior and that has then created the fascism. which the irony is that cars are seen as having freedom … to move and go from place to place. and yet they are the trap, the cause of control and loss of spontaneity and reinforcement of norms better suited to armies than to peaceful and loving communities.

That part is a very elegant trap. Part of the way out at one point was bumper cars at the fair. It’s possible you could ask every republican if they ever did bumper cars, and 90% of them would say “no.” Part of the way IN, was through certain childhood games, like musical chairs and duck-duck goose. Part of the way in was tying children down in cars until they are past age of 5, and their development stage is complete. the forced loss of motion is reinforcement of despair. the overwhelming enforcement of futility. “resistance is futile” … All kinds of tweaks and tampering ……. until the instruments are being played righteously by sermon-regailers whether that be at actual church or watching cable TV news like fox. all with springs tightly sprung, ready to be set loose. and basically, within a mass-production of multiple personalities. the child will split, into a futile/despair child, and a “free” child. and the individual will go back and forth from one to the other, according to the situation. we call that being “on and off” … if you have to be “on” — that’s considered too much work. despair is easier.

mostly the whole system seems fubar. however, i’m not in the habit of giving up, so will think on it some more. Going farther into the fascism in the hopes society will punch through it to the other side — like with 60’s flower children — is a false hope. I know that. the idea of making things more profitable for capitalism within a culture more prone to fads and following the leader …… as well as creating greater gullibility through false perceptions of safety … there’s that.

children were spanked when they were born. maybe that is the difference. or maybe the difference is getting hurt somehow because of curiosity. i remember touching the pilot light as a child, and finding out that i should not do that all on my own — without being TOLD. so it’s possible that TOO much instruction in early stages, and TOO little exploration … is a fundamental cause. with that coupled then with just plain too much attention paid to children in the first place. what they now call “helicopter mom” in an attempt to make that a more acceptable kind of parenting.

and the only reasoning, then ….. for all of it ……. would be to create the cookie-cutter lives because it multiplies the products able to sell …… and etc. etc. And the only problem with criminalizing THAT, is because the increase within the standard of living for all is too substantial to be discounted as a random variable. so ….

having those higher capitalistic standards of living results in becoming assholes, aka fascists. and i’m not sure if there is a way to disengage the two, except there is a very narrow path on the way forward within an education process of surviving want.

that you can want, you can lack something — and it doesn’t kill you. you can make choices outside of a range offered …not outside the box, there is no box. the problem is seeing things as a box and being either in or out. the problem is letting group-think supplant individual discernment. i think that there is much in the way of confusion when trying to apply wants to a collective versus individual. and that that confusion within the process can be manipulated to encourage diverse wants and needs, and thereby encourage individual self-evaluation and rational thought.

the industrial age and mass production brought us here. i’m pretty sure it’s a dead end.

and by that, i mean an infinite loop that results in a fascist society of most individuals experiencing large amounts of despair and lethargy/depression with increasing suicides and devolving into eventual chaotic behaviors while the fascism clenches tighter in reaction to chaotic behaviors — which in turn increases the number of individuals subjected to control and despair. so it’s an infinite loop, a spiral inward ……….. and at this point it WON’T burst out the other side, it will just bounce back and forth to greater and lesser degrees until it damages and destroys society … with less and less ability for any religion or imagination of an ethos to run damage control on that.

could just let chips fall as they may. but “they” — the wealthy capitalists on top — aren’t doing that, and are working to keep the spiraling going …. for a stasis in THEIR world of continued wealth, while the world of the masses goes into free-fall over and over and over again. so i’m not sure about the answers. but giving them greater tax breaks and even greater wealth and putting the nation overall into more debt — was probably NOT the answer. it will deepen the spiral … back and forth. testing their perpetual motion machine of exactly how much wealth can be generated for the top. but other than that ………… i’m not seeing a way past or through the dead end, and only seeing more fascism. and it’s a cycle, the cycle is WORSE because of the industrial revolution and the nature of following fads and then identical psychosis develops. mass insanity. but it’s a cycle that has been around a long while, the move into and away from fascism.

often, the identification of a problem involves the NEED to “find” a problem in the first place. we are schooled to ignore the correct process for that — and use a result such as great rates of suicide, as a reasoning to justify greater consumption or even greater “helicoptering” or coddling and control — and then loss of freedom for the individual that increases the suicide rates and then have an infinite loop going.

anyway ………… your assignment is to go into the kitchen, and select three things you normally never put together. put them together and eat them. without imagining what would be good, or what would be bad. without any input AT ALL, select only what would never be put together by others. eat it, and decide if it killed you or not.

only by expanding the PERCEPTION of choice, can the actuality of freedom be exercised and explored. And the balance AGAINST despair restored to levels that combat control and fascism. what is love? it’s acceptance of another’s freedom. when we say the world needs love, what is being said is you need to accept the freedom of others ……… you don’t make yourself free. you don’t have rights to be free. all you can do is accept the freedom of others — and hope monkey sees, monkey does.

purple hair? sure! except then a fad — and the rebellion becomes having natural hair. back and forth. back and forth. the number of choices multiply …….. and the amount of confusion creates more isolation into imaginative worlds that are of invention — which create more things like purple hair — which back and forth goes again. and the inventor of purple hair is not the one who capitalized and made the dye.

and there is not an actuality of evil, in many ways. but it FEELS evil. the levels of despair inflicted on the masses is certainly evil … then that is capitalized on by pharmaceuticals. there is the cause and effect ……………. and the religion and the sermon that in a small town of one church, would rule the emotive response of the people — to either approach things with joy, or approach them with seriousness. so joy …………. as you pick three things to put together to eat ………. approach it with joy. lol …. because there is no wrong choice. whether it’s good or bad, tastes good or bad …. there is no wrong choice. the only wrong choice is to not choose — freely.

If heaven is real then God is, too

I believe that if the spirit is on some kind of substance when you die, then it removes you from God and your soul will be lost when your body decides to end.

It’s hard to explain that belief. But it has to do with the connection to the spirit of God which some might see as the spirit of all things, and then the severing of that connection that can happen under the influence of certain substances.

And my belief is that if you are disconnected from God when you die, the soul is lost. Or rather, the severed connection leaves the soul in the body–because it has no way to return. And it’s the same place you go when you sleep. The same flow and types of energy.

I’ve thought about it for awhile. All that electrical energy and chemical reaction must have the corporal form to even exist. But it’s not the form that makes up who exactly you are…. The soul…. It’s the pattern. And connecting to God is like connections to the cloud … In computing where you upload the files, the 1s and 0s in a PATTERN.

The connection between the soul of every creature and God, is singular…. In that it isn’t a cloud or highway. Because it is singular, every one will be different. That’s why it’s almost you and your God. Because it’s not everybody’s pathway to God, and that pathway is your own.

The disruption of those connections by substances like alcohol and drugs, create a distortion to the soul. And God, or the oneness, is not stupid and will drop that connection when there’s too much static on it. It’s like static, but more like garbled things … tangled cables and cords, or those paper chains for Christmas decorations that were stored all year and you rip one trying to untangle them and then have to scotch tape it back together…..

The connection to God under the influence of alcohol or drugs, is like that. Your connection is tangled.

So if you’re not going to abstain while alive, be sure to abstain while you’re dying. Your pattern and data set need to go to God intact, not all tangled. It’s possible that when they are tangled, you connect with something else. The evil at the pit of selfish struggles. It’s possible, though I’m not big on Satan. It’s possible.

All conjecture, of course. But backed up from my own observations. The times I died and almost died. Watching others die. Observing the differences. Noting the patterns of sleep and the extent of imagination itself…. Both collectively and individually.

I do believe there is an “afterlife” or continuum. But I think the connection to it is very fragile. Some of us have threads, and some of us have fat cables. And some like me have elastic connections. The original rubberman ….

So I drift close to God and farther from God without ever actually losing that connection. I suppose that all sounds too crazy. But I’m painfully aware when that connection is stretched. And there are days that I feel like I carry a thousand souls inside my one… That I carry the patterns of those others who I admired and loved. And so weighted as I go forward that it feels like I’m sinking deeper and deeper….stretched tighter and tighter.

And that’s when I commend them to God. Could call it selfishness, but a coming back to the center. A tally of the self, apart from the gifts or achievements of others. You send them along your connection to God, and turn to the self. Who am I? That ultimate question, of how to exist in the moment.

You let go of them and sit in your channel alone. I have always called that “standing alone with God.” Remove the other patterns until only your own remains, and look at life with a clarity and assurance that some things never change. That doesn’t make the channel a prison, that makes it a fortress or a nest. And that’s what is meant when it’s said “God is my refuge.”

We talk about innocence as if it’s impossible and beautiful at the same time. And the truth is that innocence can be very ugly and difficult to maintain. Ignorance is bliss, but reality’s a bitch. And sometimes bitches are the only ones that will get the job done.

The truth of mankind is really not that complicated … We move away from pain, and move toward pleasure. If you are too close to pleasure…. others hate YOU. If you are too close to pain… you hate OTHERS. And if you are close to God, that connection makes it so that pain and pleasure are more like a ticking clock, and have less impact on daily life: You are coerced less by things of the Earth or things that are corporeal. If farther from God, then pain is sharper and pleasure is also sharper. Lately I’ve been thinking about it as “down the rabbit hole.” Though I’m not sure what rabbits ever did to deserve that designation. Pleasant creatures, rabbits.

Anyway … Don’t go down the rabbit hole before you die, is all. Stay connected to God, and that connection WILL set you free. Hold the patterns of your loved ones dear, but learn how to let them go and commend them to God. Face yourself–and life, as somebody loved and created. Stand alone with God, and call that creation good. Reach for heaven. And if hell knocks, tell it “not today–I’m busy.”

The world is large, and I am small. Sometimes I see the patterns, and despair….I really do. But sometimes I see God, and can’t help but smile. And then other times, I know it doesn’t matter what I see. Object permanence is fickle… Life is fleeting and it’s all kind of a jumble where right and wrong have no true meaning anymore.

That’s why I depend upon my connection to God … no matter how stretched. I worry about wrong moves and wrong choices. But I also know that “wrong” is part of my mind, not God’s. We are bilateral creatures that think bilaterally. And that process wears … Back and forth. But God is the One, with no back and forth. No split or divide. There is no “wrong” in the choices of God. Infinite patterns of every pattern combine for the One…

And when Love is eternal… That means we, mankind … ARE the eternity.

Therefore heaven is real… or as real as it gets. And consequently God must be in every living thing and every dead thing and every everything. It’s not out there, it’s in here, the heart. But it’s not in here, the heart….it’s out there, in the world. But it’s not out in the world, it’s beyond the universe.

Pathways of logic are pathways, and therefore limiting. Words are limiting, and therefore pathways. I can close my eyes and sense that connection to God. That oneness, that’s all that matters…all that ever did matter. I wish I could teach others how to find their own connection. But all I can say is God is there. And God loves you.

You won’t meet your relatives in heaven, unless you carry them with you. Ache over those patterns as you trace them with your finger. Burn the patterns of their life and mind into your existence. Then you don’t need to go to heaven to see them, they are still with you. No…. We let go. Sometimes being brave is not knowing what tomorrow brings. Sometimes it’s not about being brave, it’s about loving braveness.

And the Love is what doesn’t need to know tomorrow. Love doesn’t need to understand yesterday. It just needs to exist in that connection with God. Today. Now.

Patterns of existence, and mine is good. Tired, and infinitely insane…. But good. Yours are good. All patterns are good, they just may or may not join God.

My grandmother did not want to be stoned at the end. She spit out and threw away the pills. She didn’t want oblivion, she wanted her connection to God. That’s what I see, and believe. I keep her pattern close, but I need to commend it. Commend that life to God, and turn to my own. With winter starting, I think of hibernation and slowing down. Spring will be here soon enough. For now, rest and warmth. And Love. And taking refuge in God.

Don’t misuse power unless you want to make it harder to set it down

Funny thing about the misuse of power: it breeds panic in those who misuse it. If there is no misuse, there is no need to panic. No need to fear others, no need to think you must stay in power at all costs. It is the misuse of power that generates panic and fear of losing power.

So if you fear the loss of power to such extents that reality warps itself around your head to do its bidding… Then it is time to ask yourself if you have been misusing power.

When I was a kid, my little sister did my bidding. It was one of those things I didn’t really think about. Until one day when I asked her to answer the door, and I realized what I was doing.

I don’t even know why. I should have just kept on to this day, with no realization that I was misusing power. But something changed. I became aware that I should answer the d*** door myself. And I don’t even know why that epiphany hit me like a load of bricks. But it did.

Something clicked. Not so much the do unto others as you would have them do unto you … But more like the reality that if something is unpleasant for yourself, there’s a good chance others won’t like that, either. There’s a fine line between happy to help, and resentful to be oppressed.

And a not-such-a-fine line between guidance and flat out slavery. But it’s funny how easy it is to cross that fatter line. How misusing power will become a trap, because then you can never set power down. You can never pass that power on to another, because that means revenge is coming.

That day I caught myself ordering her to answer the door … that was the day I set down power. That was when I saw the patterns, and broke them. It was for many reasons, but the biggest I think was that I couldn’t bear my own possibilities for misusing power.

I just made a decision that I loved my sister more than any need I had to be obeyed. If you love something, let it go.

Now I’m not saying only Republicans misuse power, or only Democrats misuse power. It’s much more complicated than that. But when the fear of losing power is so strong that the actual will of younger generations is ignored … you need to ask yourself if you’ve been misusing power. And you need to break those patterns … because believe it or not, the one who is set free, the one you set free by not misusing power … is yourself.

It’s like the passing of a baton in a relay race. You aren’t racing the members of your own team. And you don’t win anything, if you help them to lose.

Tonight I was watching a video of a young man asking students to get involved and vote. And I put on the Republican hat for a moment, and realized something like that scared them to death. But why? Why be afraid of younger generations that will move things in the direction of their own best interests?

And the answer to that is you shouldn’t. And the answer to that, is that if you are having trouble passing that baton, then maybe you shouldn’t be holding it so tightly. If you’re that afraid, then maybe you’ve been misusing power.

Traps are interesting things. Sometimes avoiding them is the only way to not get caught. Sometimes the biggest lesson to be learned is from an elder, whom you mistakenly asked to get the door one time. And she looked at you with THAT look, and said, “Your legs aren’t broken, you’re not crippled … you get that door yourself.”

I often wondered why I even cared. But it was the twinkle behind her eye that told me I should. And it’s that same hint of laughter that tells me everything will be fine. You just have to have a little faith in the fact that some chains of power are made to be broken, and sometimes the buck needs to stop here. It’s not the end of the d*** world, that’s for sure.

And then it’s time for ice cream.

Did I ever tell you about the time my scoop of ice cream fell off the cone, and I was heartbroken? I went back into the shop, and she apologized and gave me another. Mashed it on good and tight that time. It’s like that.

Sometimes the right thing to do is give the kid another scoop.

And sometimes, that’s a story the kid makes up in her mind because that’s not what happened at all. No, not at all. The buck had to stop there. Sometimes picking your ice cream off the cement, and putting it on your cone after they refuse to give you another…. Sometimes that’s what you do. Sometimes you’re not that proud you wanted ice cream so badly. But then again, I redeemed both her, and me.

I wonder at times, about where I am in the grand scheme of things. And I think about how I picked up that ice cream off the cement. All the feelings that were flowing through me, of dismay and resolve. And I don’t think I’ve had a finer moment in my life.