on top

I asked her if the price was correct
answer was yes
so i said i would go ahead and buy at the front
she said i had to buy there
which is false
i know it’s false
i don’t know how to tell her it’s false
so i run my card
thinking how do we get people like this?
one small power they can exercise
so they do it
right or wrong doesn’t apply
go home congratulating themselves?
it baffles me because of the smirk
the self-satisfied smirk that makes you go
Jesus Christ we still have people like this in the world?

So today i swept the patio again into a pile
and did not use the dustpan
because the birds love it… scatter all to infinity
is more fun to hunt and scratch through debris
for any treasure of bird seed that falls
from the lugubrious balcony overhead

why do i leave it in a pile?
i ask myself that…
sometimes perfection is not what we think.

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review for LG G Pad F 8.0 LTE

the only thing i can’t get used to, is how fragile this tablet feels.  like i had better order a folio case and check the express shipping option. 

i’m sure it’s sturdy, just feels like if you dropped it even a foot on anything hard, that it might shatter to a zillion pieces.  i’m usually not wrong about these things.

lollipop takes a little getting used to.  i kind of don’t understand why the lg tablet has motion sensors, but doesn’t have basic light sensor to put brightness on automatic?  that makes no sense.  it does have a dimming option for nighttime hours, but some retarded programmer decided that required a constant entry on notifications that it is set for nighttime dimming.  i hate that.  should be an option or better yet, let’s just assume users are smart enough to remember they turned on nighttime dimming and don’t need to be told over and over what they did, shall we?

the screen size is ok, it feels a little small since i’m going from a 9″ tablet to the 8″.  ok resolution for games and video playback.  it is a very thin tablet.  built more like a smart phone, but why it feels fragile, maybe.  or maybe it’s just my paranoia, thinking this thing is too expensive and it will be over a year and a half before it is paid off?

i’m almost afraid to touch it.

in some ways, it represents the nice things i’m not allowed to have.  so i immediately ruined the back cover with garish foam stickers, so that it will be less slippery and less likely to fly out of my hands. the people who deserve nice things don’t care if it goes flying out of their hands.  but i know i’m the one who will have to be fixing it myself if it does go airborne.  so i live with foam stickers.  tell myself that gives it personality, when i know it just stands for “poor. ”

the g pad has snapdragon cpu.  1 gig of ram memory, file explore says the internal memory is 10.17 gigs …. so hard to say.  i thought the packing slip listed it as having 32 g of internal storage.  i use a micro sd card anyway.  the tablet is fast, mostly i can’t get over the feel of it being something i should look at and not touch.

but it’s snappy and performs fine.  it’s not a lot different than the tablet i had.  except this one has gorilla glass, not a plastic screen that gets one more scratch every time i put it in my purse.  and this one will get the internet even when i’m out and about with no wi-fi available.  of course you can’t use it that much, because are paying by the gig for bandwidth.  id still rather be with att than a carrier that gives “unlimited “…. i don’t even care about speed, but care about access. 

when i go to use it, just want it to work.  phone does have a mobile hot spot, but that runs the battery on it down very fast.  only works well if you are plugged in and not mobile, which is one of those finer ironies in life. 

i have calculated the extra money per month, $12.50 on the tablet itself, and $10 extra on my plan, as being just barely worth it for upgrading my tablet to an lte internet 4g tablet device.  i am thinking of exploring if i can add values to the APN to make it receive sms.  apparently they want you to pay for texting if you are getting texting, even though your plan includes free texting, it isn’t allowed on the tablets.  you know, where it would be most useful.  i guess that’s too logical a step for corporation suits to understand.

there is a possibility that you can take the sim out of your phone, and put it into the lte tablet.  i haven’t tried that yet.  though then no phone.  which is actually what i am considering for the distant future.  nobody needs to really call anymore.  you either text, or you video chat.  it just makes more sense.  problem is a lot of people still have phones and no way to text or video chat.

but anyway, i am hoping to get things consolidated eventually where i am not juggling 5 devices (or more).  i added it up, and this is my 7th device.  i have become the cat lady, except instead of cats i collect computers.  i definitely have a problem.  but am happy, so sue me.

the lg g pad seems to be a fine device, this is the very first time i ever got something within a month of its release date.  again, new is usually something i don’t treat myself to…. but so far, really no regrets.  i suppose the bill might leave me sighing a little more deeply.


i was lonely, too

is untruth a condition of life
the antithesis necessary
to give form and shape
to the thesis

is every object only defined by what it is not?
is a peach a peach
because it is not a plum?

there is what a man wants
and what a man doesn’t want
the rhetorical critic only wants
to lead
to persuade
to design mass-comprehension
according to mass need?
or according to singular need?

and there’s the rub
a man is either selfless
or self-full
evil and good then change
for where they land on self

a person can say, “this is good for others, but not for me.”
a child more likely to let it be…
so the sign of maturity
is to orchestrate good only for self

there may not be good and evil,
but there is youth and age
those who design
and those who forego construction
those who let go and let god
and those
who question a better next move
realizing power of man

but is my truth gained by what i find false?
maybe.  though in some sense
all is true

for all is

correct and incorrect
win or lose
i cannot help but to think a life
bursting with manipulations
is to be pitied… where is the rest?
where is trust in the nature
of collective direction

all comes in the end to balance
and then what is the fulcrum?

a smile?
perhaps.  though a frown will be steady
oh yes
and more greatly prized by fellow
only the fool smiles when disaster looms!
only the fool makes their own truth
the instant opposite of others
only the fool gets lost
in meanderings of mind
hoping to prove themselves

a need to rise to best,
the prize of humility that is far from humble
a history that repeats
… only in dreams

brought down to earth
it is not what you say
but how you say it
collective comprehension

my truth is beyond its opposite
only because it is both mine and others
both happy and sad
both away in the distance
and very right here

there is only free, and not free

but freedom of body without freedom of mind
is a long, slow pain
while freedom of mind without freedom of body
is a short and fast reduction

freedom of both mind and body
found only in the forgiveness given to youth
otherwise i am named insane
but i had those moments

to treasure freedom
to see the jealousy in eyes of others
” i must behave, you must, too! ”
* she chuckles and shakes her head *

we are not free as long as we are together
my advice is to note how the ground is flat,
how the trees are tall
how the grass is flexible, but goes on
past sight.

is that grass not underfoot now, still flexible?
so try it.
and try
and try
entire lifetime of try

the way toes will feel sharp points
but heels will crush.

man consumes
but the day is lovely
and time given while one human being
shows they care for others

is that always good?
is anything always?

we pursue endeavor seen to benefit self,
and we pursue endeavor seen to benefit others.
the ‘seen’ isn’t always right
and the endeavor is not always successful.

but the human condition
will always love the balance
because of the up and down

not despite of it

~thoughts in response to “beyond good and evil” by friedrich nietzsche


to correct course

many of our elders were in the a-hole range, but they were STRAIGHT and TRUE. a teacher given the same class year after year can create either an army of ‘good’ or an army of ‘bad.’ but either way, are effective people.

this? i don’t know what this is. the only way i could get through school was to speed up the assimilation process to the teacher’s language, and take notes on the process itself rather than deeper understandings of the subject matter.

in my entire education, 1st through 12th grade, there were 2 bad teachers. so you are looking an entire system for the instruction of a society was FRACKED for a 2 in 24 fail-rate.

if we did that industrially, no one would be producing Uggs.

why don’t we ROUNDLY educate teachers FIRST, and then have them teach the 1 – 12 grades? it WAS a good system. younger, a teacher will have more energy …. older, the teacher grows with the class. if the teacher doesn’t know their stuff, they ALSO learn as go along and all benefit.

JUST because evil men found how to harm that system, does not make the SYSTEM faulty. does not mean that in that natural order, there was a process of perfection you are NOT going to reach anywhere else.

YES, if someone infiltrates that teacher’s mind, and has them spouting nonsense … end up with the jonestown crapola. or worse. but one excellent teacher will create a BODY of humans with like-minded communication and therefore the ability to work TOGETHER.

where are our communities?

NOW …. what happened? changing the time with a teacher to one year has left it all fracked. with ONE field outstripping others — spoken-language cliché. the child has to adapt EVERY year to the new-teacher’s mindset.

and kind of cute how you studied progress in “grades” and then decided the CHILD was faulty if going from ‘a’ work to ‘c’ work. OR that the teacher was faulty …. WHEN the more intelligent teachers WILL have a more complex language. AND you are then settling the BETTER ones with MORE work to DUMB down enough to PULL those children to “acceptable” levels.

it sort of all goes into the “good God!” range. all because of afraid of a few ‘turned’ teachers? fracked everyone THAT badly, to where the profession is a mess, and municipalities are talking about whipping the ones they HAVE more to see if they can get better work out of them.

this NEW system of rotating children in and out every “grade” worked UNTIL ……. what? until the student’s MOTHERS went to work. SO, since the kids had moms at home to DO the STEADY teaching that keeps MINDS healthy ……….. all seemed ok.

BUT ……….. women went to work. and it WASN’T the wealthy then, left without guidance when younger.

SO …………… what do we call that, in chess? that WAS A SET UP. to believe a system is WORKING, then it doesn’t ……….. and the fault falls on the ELEMENTS in the system, rather than the design itself.

you were taken.

i don’t know how to fix it …………… i just know pouring good money after bad is useless. i just know that if i need to test a boyfriend to see if he’s marriage material, i take him to vegas.

SO …………….. we have citizens deciding the home-school, so that they have chances for better progeny. BUT, what AGAIN is wrong with that process?

you have the most excelled in instruction, within the wealthiest households.



in animals, what situation has a female eating its young? what you gotta look at.

my point is, since going BACK to the RIGHT form of teaching is on the impossible-side of the tracks, and are looking at HUGE cultural imbalances with home-teaching ………. i propose that a mentor system be utilized to provide a consistency within education. and you GUARD that system like nobody’s business.

then start making the term for teachers 2 years with students, instead of one. increase it to 3 …………….. and should be able to stabilize there at a decent enough rate for studies.

what many fail to realize, is that it all converges. when you FRACK a social-system, you also FRACK your biological and environmental systems.

we have a nation of stupid people, set up like turkeys to the slaughter, to be glued into their cable TV sets for programming every night. they even CALL it programming! what program do you want to watch tonight, honey?

amazing …….. so what is supposed to be one human teacher passing on life-lessons as well as knowledge …. we have a one-source-decided-by-many-greedy-men in MEDIA passing on life-FRACKING as well as paranoia and myth on TV.

and don’t think there is some easy answer in sending the kids outside to play. you gotta find the source of cause and intent for harm — take it out. otherwise will just come back from another angle, and another, and another. some are manageable. but the entire point is to build strong and safe communities, where people have a chance to expand their minds as well as their horizons. not going to do that without a springboard. without a good teacher.

think about if you went from 1 hour of church on sunday, to 4 hours of church every night. where the community gathers and decides their progress and reasoning. well, that’s what you’re doing. sitting down in front of the TV and taking in the stories (parables) and the news (law and records) and the reality shows (children’s lesson).

you could also look at TV as a school with various subjects. point is that we as a nation are mesmerized, and need to get unmezmorized and back to listening and learning that which is beyond the golden rectangle. our box and prison is only a prison to those who never learned how to teach.

To love, Honor, and not Obey

Does the church have a right to believe gays should not be allowed to be married? Here we hinge on belief versus action. When belief itself is rooted in discrimination, when only LDS members will “go to heaven” (or go to run a planet as its god), that belief is simply a prop to maintain church exclusivity.

There is a blindness to the fact that hate comes from belief, and that the action of hate crime, comes out of that exclusivity and disdain for those not following your own path of exclusion.

My first problem with the Mormon church was when I received no answer regarding the passage in the gospel, where Jesus says there is no marriage in heaven. Instead of giving some kind of explanation, they chose to give no answer. Strike one. Second problem was an elder that bragged on how his wife gave birth by c-section….8 times. Any man that makes his wife go through eight surgeries for offspring, is evil. All there is to it. Third problem was that I was told I could wear what I wanted to church, while at the same time observing that women were allowed to only wear dresses. And it went downhill from there.

I believe the Mormon church gets to believe what it wants. But I don’t believe they get to create and enforce entire classes of citizens remanded to inferiority based upon nature alone, rather than action of those individuals. That is called damnation according to form. Would be like believing all spiders everywhere should die, rather than just the ones I find in my bathroom.

Blacks can now be members, and blacks can enter priesthood. But that was only the case after enough pressure from society at large. Women are still inherently inferior in the church, or inherently special, depending how you look at it. I mostly found them cowed. Little power and little presence in the decision making process. Good or bad? Hard to say, but certainly doesn’t lead to fair pay for women or non discrimination in the workplace. Speaking of which, even the workplace is cowed into having to close its doors on Sunday.

So yes, you have a right to believe that gay humans are inferior to the extent that they deserve no legal bonds of marriage. Do you have the right to tell a business it must shut its doors on Sunday, do you have a right to tell individuals what to drink, smoke, or wear? I believe all men with blond hair should walk on their hands. Does that give me the right, when and if I have the power – to force blond men to walk on their hands?

Is that a correct belief? Are women inferior? Is that a correct belief? You also might believe the sky is orange, or that global warming is not real as the rising oceans cover your own feet. Is that a correct belief? And beyond correctness, when does “belief” stretch out its effects when combined with power and money?


So we are stuck on this word belief. “I get to believe what I want to believe.” But when that belief flows into discrimination and exclusion, we are going to have a problem. Especially when the request is for bare bones inclusion, based on fundamental humanitarian rights.

It’s about power and money. Belief without power is nothing. The church leaders know it’s about power and money, those are their two favorite tools. my thoughts here are disregarded immediately, for they come from a woman? Yet a woman performed the rights of blessing for me once, and they worked. Are you that afraid your God has no understanding of that which He created? She created?

So here’s the thing. No one expects you to change your “belief.” But everybody knows that with great power comes great responsibility. My question then is, why has the LDS church worked to get itself into a position of power, where I even give two farts what they think or believe?

It’s because, on one hand they ARE humanitarian and desire fair access to decision-processes by every male. At least male-to-male they strive for a fair degree of equality. That kind of goes under better than nothing. Though within that structure, there are definite rungs to their ladder. And there is a definite striving to hold onto positions of power once achieved.

So what I am saying – and I’m saying this to ALL churches, to ALL religious bodies. What you “believe-in” more than anything, is Power. The only thing that changes doctrine, is what threatens that Power. Therefore these are institutions of Man, not God. And you have no right to Godly blessings when striving for only Earthly power. You have no continuance for Godly audience, when are focused upon disdain for Godly creation.

Is not that I do not understand the unwillingness to take steps toward equality of human to human. Exclusion is the basis for precepts of Heaven and Hell, afterall. But we as a society, are having a little bit of difficulty in funneling human beings off into ‘heaven’ (wealth) and ‘hell’ (jail) — if you have not noticed that.

We are having a little bit of difficulty in maintaining ‘exclusion’ as a basis for Power. It is not feasible in the long run, and must have changes if we are to continue as a viable and progressive civilization. To some, it is comforting to know that they will never qualify for positions of power. It’s an excuse for doing nothing.

But we are talking about the belief, the structure within a church that bolsters and maintains its power – to have those beliefs change to include a right of marriage for all individuals, not just man to woman. Or in the case of the LDS church, not just Man taking ownership of Woman. Marriage is ownership when there is an exclusion of one member within the decision-making process.

All there is to it, and allowing anyone to marry anyone dissolves the dichotomy of that structure. But what if you believe marriage is an equality – is a partnership of equality rather than an ownership of another?

See, this is the rub. You can’t condone gay marriage, because you believe marriage itself is not a joining of equal forces. So why am I happy, why do I see the strives of our government to make marriage-equality a real thing as advantageous to my own positioning? Because it means a dissolution of the precept condoning women as chattel, it means a redefinition of marriage as a bond that goes beyond the bonds of a man owning a woman.

Marriage will go from cementing unfair advantages, to encouraging fair partnerships. And if you can’t see that as a ‘good’ thing within the limitations of what you term “belief,” then I am sorry for your inability to make the correct connections for moving forward in thought and deed –while we as a nation, enter new ages and new understandings for progress and survival. Come with us or not, all we have to do is guarantee there are more of “us” (U.S.A.) than there are of you. And that isn’t hard, no matter how many wives you force into having 8 c-sections.

So I suggest you get with the program. Find it in your hearts to understand that the ‘church’ needs its renaissance, it needs to grow not just in members, but in scopes of understanding for the further benefit of humankind. And if it does not do that, it fails its purpose. The very first purpose. Which is to introduce kindness into power.

To teach kindness. To hold dear that which promotes kindness. And kindness is the opposite of exclusion. Kindness means we shed our proclivity to make ourselves grand by pushing down others. Kindness means, “Let the children come unto me.” No matter if those children are poor or rich. Gay or straight. Woman or Man. Girl or Boy.