why do readers read

imagination catalyst
emotive stimulant
sympathetic induction
curiosity trap

there are 3000 feathers
on a songbird
i wish i could fly
but that’s a lot of cleaning to do, isn’t it?
this is a hard, cold morning
it doesn’t lead to much hope
my love? my love for you is like the breeze
that goes against a bird, flying higher
born to count feathers, mostly
but never believe angry beaks
were you ever like me?
full of fear and diminishing failures…
twelve thousand feathers on 4 birds fly away
a failing body rises (oh i’m weak!)
to go inside and begin doing the dishes


what my grandmother would say

it’s not about you
there are people who will be idiots
you have to get over it
just because you don’t like a situation
doesn’t mean you can’t handle it
the best answer is sometimes silence
but don’t be cruel
being cruel never helped anyone
people are basically good
even if you can’t see the good
know that it’s there
find what you do best
take pride in yourself
and your path in life
if you look at things from more angles
it’s not that bad
there’s always an answer
sometimes you don’t have to do anything
you can’t always fix everything
you have to accept who you are
and when it’s time to let go
or admit that you don’t have all the answers
there are so MANY reasons to get up in the morning
you have to find the right one for YOU
don’t hide behind your mistakes
skip it and move on

we’re only on this planet for a short time
remember you HAVE no excuses
right and wrong has to mean everybody
be kind to others
because there is no reason to hang onto hate
remember i love you
i will always love
life gives you challenges
but there is nothing you and God can’t accomplish

bumping elbows

today i will work on loading my programs
onto windows 7
it is so far looking to handle the graphics ok
yesterday i was able to change the settings
to hd for my big monitor
and i actually got an hd screen
without that it will make the large
monitor look pixelated
instead of smooth type it will look
like everything is written with sand
windows 10 was SAYING i had hd
but i could tell that it was not
toggling it back and forth did not fix
and at that rate you might as well just use an old
vga analog connection and the picture
will be better!
so the test today will be to reconnect
my laptop to its dock and see if it goes
straight into the right settings
or if i have to manually set it back to hd

if it succeeds
i will go on to add my graphics programs
then since no longer testing
windows ten, can get back to work
breezy this morning
did not cool down much overnight
so manages to feel muggy
despite the wind
blue skies as far as the eye can see….

coffee seems to be cooling down fast
which means time is slow
i have to remind myself to take a deep breath
…. look at the day as
it’s good to be alive

how are you?
i hope life is marching onward in good directions
there is no end to how much we can hope for better
no end to that reach
for the next day and promise of new insight
definitions of what makes life pleasant
they say it’s all in the mind
but the mind can be a small, crowded place

the bigger crazy

day five without pain
i don’t seem to be able to go into a deep
sleep anymore
partly i fear a deep sleep
fear leaving the back
too long in the same
wrong position
and partly don’t know how
to go into a deep sleep
when not prompted
to do so to escape
and partly i fear
waking up in a different
dimension where the pain is
back in force

i know how crazy that is!
last night debated whether
to increase meds!  and
that is no small thing
decided to leave that as is
but without deep sleep
my perceptual process will change
it leaves more open
to the senses
can create a type of overload
based on volume alone
a complete shutdown at night
is the same as shutting down
a computer
you are then not running
the same processes the next day
normally i sleep at least
6 hours of full unconsciousness
normally i sleep like the dead

normally i don’t wake up every hour
and roll over to go back to sleep
and normally
if i don’t sleep like the dead
i go crazy

the last time i went crazy
it was from MORE pain
caused by one sprained ankle
one dislocated foot
and the toes going numb
which could indicated the back went from
bulging discs to herniated discs
…yet now it is fixed?
an impossibility
so you see my plight

it means instead
that i have ms or diabetes
but i don’t worry about that
as much as you would think
for now
i simply worry about
getting the right kind of sleep

and i worry about Trump running for president
dawned on me this morning how abnormal that is….

a strange world, indeed

the way around

day four without pain
part of me can’t believe it
i will have to get in a car to
go to church
a movement that always
guaranteed repercussions in the past
am a little afraid of seeing
what that will do…. now

got windows 7 pro installed
on my laptop
it authorized fine after entering
the key a second time
the copy i downloaded
was so bare bones
it did not even have drivers
for the internet
ethernet or wireless
that was a challenge
thank goodness for
the ubuntu partition
so could use that
to download the windows 7 drivers
transfer them to the 7 partition
and then install so could
get the internet
i think of those who would be stuck
mostly by being glad i don’t get stuck

now i can keep the laptop with 7
its original operating system
or update it to ten next month
still need to test the graphics
and see if 7 fixes the hd display
problem it had with ten

air is still
sky is completely blue
will be a hot day
but for now is very pleasant
sitting on the patio
sipping my coffee
and considering the day ahead

i walked to walmart yesterday
first time in 12 years
could walk without pain
shooting into the lower back
instead of pain creating
a lumbering sort of gait
dependent on momentum
i could use my legs normally

and i only know that four mornings ago
i woke up very early with back
cramped and twisted per usual
and i twisted and stretched and worked to
adjust it, per usual
but i didn’t give up… for an hour or more
i fought to bring it in line

don’t know if i was fed up
or maybe part of me sensed an opportunity

half asleep the whole time
reaching for something to
guide my fist to push in
just the right spot on my hip

sitting now with my legs crossed
on the patio
with the pleasant morning air
not paying for crossed legs
with extra burden and pain

it is all silent
i can only be thankful
for the reprieve
no headache
from the gut ache
from the nerve ache
from the back ache

you consider the source
and skip it
OR you consider the source
and move mountains

or in this case
a few backbones
forgive me… but i am so happy
i could cry

twelve years is a long time