Windows 10: the good hoping for better

well now i forget what i was going to say. looked outside and decided a storm was coming, and the rest flew out of my head.

oh ok, on my “Insider” experience with Windows 10. number one, i’m disappointed i didn’t win the contest to visit Microsoft as a “chosen” insider. but that’s ok. i don’t usually ‘win’ things anyway. biggest thing i ever won was a 15 pound turkey from a raffle at a tropical fish pet store. and must have filled out 20 entries just to do that….lol.

at this point, i’m wondering if they are working on two separate incarnations of the Operating System. one stable, and one not so stable. the 9926 build was stable. now we are back to unstable with the 10041. i think it has to do with the desktop graphics. the code to make it “pretty” is interfering with function.

they use Windows update to install new builds, and this last one created disaster. first off it did not import any of the drivers. not sure what that is about, but do know i have not enjoyed having to reinstall drivers on my two test machines. the install also knocked out what has to be THE most important app included with new Windows installs — the Email, People, and Calendar app. so a lot of problems in that–and at least for me, looks like those problems could and should have been avoided in the 10041 build.

i am not finding a whole lot of “use” for Cortana. well, not enough use to justify the amount of resources dedicated to running it. but for newer users, might prove handy. hard to say on that. i like keeping track of things by knowing where they are, not by running a search. so i also found the entire indexing and search process added to Windows around Vista and 7 to be too much constant work for the machine, considering how little i used it.

really would like an option that can just switch every bit of indexing and search OFF, and dedicate those resources to processes that i’m actually using. it’s like the Superfetch — i generally disable it, because it uses resources to “make programs launch faster” — but i’m not jumping from program to program enough to justify how much it uses to keep them “ready.” my thought is that more than “speeding things up over time” — the superfetch is just yet another way to log when and what is running on a computer.

so cortana is sort of in that boat. in fact, on the phone — they have it rigged so she won’t work correctly unless you have the “location” enabled on your phone. now most of us — or those who have gotten into mobile communications a bit — know that the GPS and location processes will suck the energy right out of your phone faster than you can say “dead battery.” so is being able to say “Cortana set my alarm for 8 am” worth how much juice that takes? not really — so i turn location off and then back on to set the alarm. and by that time, could probably set the alarm faster without Cortana and her dubious “help.”

i do like having the photos i take available on the ‘home’ machines as well as the mobile. so that function of “One Drive” sort of makes up for its other problems. which are buried deep and i doubt will ever change. it should have been constructed with less saving of user settings. that part is a bit of a mess. you can change the wallpaper on your desktop, and it changes the wallpaper on your laptop. then you go to switch the laptop wallpaper back to what it was, and it changes the desktop wallpaper. so they should have set up the “setttings” save to have “master” and “slave” aspect — where one is the main machine and the rest follow it. then a user could just decide whether to sync or not, and all is well and good. as it stands — you still have to decide whether to sync or not — but not until after it has already messed up the settings on one or both machines.

the UEFI is a disaster and its only purpose is to prevent Linux from running on a Windows machine. and i imagine that is to keep Linux users from being able to copy or alter apps that are stored on the Windows machines. is to prevent theft and pirating of purchased apps. so i kind of get that, yet i kind of think it is bogus and a little juvenile. plus UEFI is unstable. much more unstable than the traditional Bios. it has me completely hating — i mean hating — that light blue color and its array of limited options.

or rather, more densely hidden options. thing about computing, is it shouldn’t need an instruction manual. everything should be discoverable, and was designed originally TO be discoverable. now you need to read instructions just to figure out how to start the UEFI controls. (it is hold down shift while clicking restart, btw)

that is NOT a discoverable command. and so we are getting deeper into the ones who “know” and the ones who “don’t know.” that is territory that inspired our nation to establish libraries so that all have some way to “be in the know.” and i kind of like the amount of equality that fosters.

anyway — computing as a “discoverable” thing — was a good factor in promoting curiosity and use. now i just don’t know when it is heading in these directions. seems like they want everyone to be more dependent on “search.” and that, of course — is not done for the benefit of the user. that is done because it is LOGGABLE. logging a click, what it clicks ON, is harder to program, than logging a typed entry. so i see it as something installed to benefit the industry, more than the user.

and in conclusion — Windows 10 seems a little “hell-bent” for now. it might pull up yet into something that has benefit outweighing its cost. for the most part, i give it a thumbs up — better is good. :)

My Insider video and shameless kiss up

A Singe Gull Air I Tea

so that is how he does it
slow to speak and calm
calm as calm could ever be …
meanwhile driving ME up a wall

but that is how:
the lie of all lies…the voice
the poker face
how long does it take
to train all emotion out of
all communication?

i was expecting something like Tweak;
the character from South Park
whose parents own a Coffee Shop
instead it is like NO character you
will find on South Park
maybe closest to Mr. Rogers
that is what he was like

that is what Stomp was like
pacing back and forth up until 2am
going back and forth
out on the balcony and back in
to and fro
stomp stomp stomp like the
man waiting for a baby
he is the complete picture of chained anxiety

and spoke like everything was fine
like it was a wonderful day in the neighborhood!
why, everyone stays up until two in the morning!
pacing in cowboy boots while dropping barbells on the floor…

calm as the proverbial cucumber
yet i’m a wreck
and i think of how i wear emotion on my sleeve
how i’m transparent and maybe that is not
always the good thing like i thought it was…
you could do just about anything
and if your voice doesn’t betray you
if emotion just set aside
no one would object…you would be honored
celebrated as good!

See—the world today is afraid of robots
robots with minds
robots!
but they’re already here….

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holding on to me

why is life sad? for one thing, i always seem to be on the way and never get there. the now usually escapes me; living in my head.  pain itself seems to happen on a schedule all its own, never consulting me about times of arrival.

i don’t want to be seen as a complainer.  but the alternative is to never speak.  how do you make happy without sad?  intelligence is going to be relative, so i only look as far as my own beginnings.  world seems to be in a rather large chaotic flux.  how do you help something that won’t sit still?

each day is supposed to be THE day, where i finally follow the best diet, sing the best songs, live the best dreams.  back burners pile up, and part of me keeps wondering what a stove is for…. how do i stay sane when cooking is all about making something fit for conditions; when it is all about change.

i try to muddle along and keep things simple.  then part of me tangles it all up.  complexity becomes a goal rather than fostering simple hopes in a direct result.  and even though i know it is better to stay silent, i worry onward in a swamp of words.  no closer to where i want to be…. which is what?  so i wake up and get up.  make coffee because that is what you do.  sit in a favorite chair, because something must be selected.  what i want is to not make the same mistakes.

love for me, is in not holding grudges.  poison to the soul, better to have a clean slate. i do like fixing things, probably because that’s what dad did.  no matter where i have been in life, the mechanic is a person respected.  in computing, it’s called trouble shooting.  the same thing…. you narrow down the probabilities and twist a wrench just so.  invention and creation also part of the puzzle. 

repetition.  to get lost in repeating.  yet rhythm is a blessing in its own way.  i note lives and their paths.  for the most part, it is the time i have spent at rest homes that gave me the most grief and the most hope.  when people are weak, they can be happy you are strong.

i don’t want to be strong, but seems i have had no choice.  even asking for help goes against some fundamental belief or creed that … if not part of me, is glued on pretty tight.  see i know that the neighbor lady feels ok to knock on my door if she needs an onion.  or her husband knocks if she needs some aspirin.  but i don’t knock on any doors. 

it is just that i am happy i got the plants watered yesterday.  i am glad i will be able to get the carpets cleaned for only $45.  i am sad that a friend at church has cancer.  she is a teacher and i understand teachers the best.  mainly i think it is because we all have dents in our heads, from beating them against too many walls.  yet my time working at teaching was only a small part of an extremely varied resume.  always moving on.

always on the way to something.  i get practical and then think the only real destination is death.  and that isn’t a particularly warming consideration.  because i still haven’t figured out if it’s more comforting to think about life going into simply nothing.  or is it better to think of life as never ending.  i could never decide.  can never decide.  when i do decide, it doesn’t help in any way.

the daily work to maintain strength.  that is what i circle on.  it is dismaying to see that being weak is the better social option.  working together is the better answer… for the soul.   not that being alone is bad, but maybe is unnecessary.  they say everybody has their demons and angels.  mine have always been silent, standing in horror and misunderstanding…. while i fight myself.  i have learned that finality is not always appropriate.

how much coffee does it take to start the day? enough so i can sit and begin a gradual awakening.  it is that parcel of time where back burners don’t matter.  all that matters is i can still laugh at myself, wanting to be important. waiting to be important.

how does the spirit fly? first you have to look up, then have to realize there is ground and air. happy and sad. life and death. the play of opposites with our own personal pendulums, beating out time. and for me, that time is defined by the rest. by the in between. by the moment you look down, and don’t even remember flapping your wings.

stacked and fueled

it feels like the end of the world was yesterday
and today doesn’t know what to be
if feels like i forgot who i am
but doesn’t matter because who is counting, anyway?
feels like nothing will go right
so right has to be wrong
but then what became of wrong?
wrong is the nothing
mired in forgetful nonsense
on the edge of the universe….

it feels like a swirl of chaos has captured my feet
and i have no knees left to pray
it feels like everything i liked is a shadow of stupidity
like the next pass is the last chance
and no ring is going to fix this ride….

it feels like i told you a million times
…life is what you make it
but what if we run out of legos?
there is cream for the coffee
there is coffee for the coffee
roof is not leaking for a change
and i ran out of excuses

in the dark
overnight
life is a swirling vortex of might-have-beens
it feels like the last scoop of ice cream
that’s not even homemade

it feels like i will beat every demon
because there aren’t any demons
it is all here
all an essence of

just me
sitting in my chair wondering
why i bother to hope

and what has hope done to kill
action
it all turns around right
thank God for a Keel
i am not ashamed and some day
living with that will count

outside of how everyone feels…
best is yet to come
right around the corner we have deliverance
but it’s not mystery
it’s not something never seen before

repetitive betterment
it’s the mundane
the everyday wade through piles
of memories and designed regrets
it feels like no amount of wishing

ever got me more wishes

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