Tag Archives: spiritual


i squish spiders

when playing volleyball at Lutheran school
hit the ball out of bounds for about the third time
one of the men said “well, at least she’s consistent.”

went on to play at the beach
high school volleyball team
and a real coach
we ran laps on soft sand
could dive as good as any
though never coordinated enough to
manage the killer spike

tall person, you know
they… the infinite they
EXPECT things

how does injustice compute failure?
see, i got to play
and that’s all i really wanted

not left standing on the edge
(like at the Lutheran school)
while no one passes you the ball
(trust is a strange thing among children…)

it’s kind of worse than not being chosen for a team
because you are ON the team and left with never a chance
to practice or get better so then
they confirm their thoughts on how awful you are
it is a trap
and you didn’t stumble into it
were pushed with never a thought on what is fair
what is right
(children are innocent you know …)

so i played at the ymca too
knee pads for the dives
learning to temper strength
a coach makes sure you get the chance
a chance to PROVE

so what is improvement?
made sure i knew how to play
proved ‘em all wrong
tides and time
worlds and worlds

was never about winning
when you win, the fun is over




want to know my greatest fear?
that all structure will dissolve
and the people surrounding me will go
we are just waiting for you to feel most comfortable
now we are going to burn and torture you
until we can drink in your screams

…. that is what i fear
possibilities that perceived kindness (to find like in kind)
is merely a reflection of my own inability
to comprehend want


i don’t trust ambivalence
roles and parts
dividing lines
the end of circumstance
(what is soul but a target, born?)

life is messy
yet fear is very organized
and i lied
my worst fear was realized a long time ago
in realities that bore no gift

you see i saw our future
science to keep humans alive forever
used to eternally prison
and torture other beings
that is the reality of who and what man-is

distraction is a funny thing
you fear death?
my biggest fear is that there will be
no death

because truth tells us man will never be ready
and the remainder of what frightens is born from the center
sung to sleep the bitter soul
will remember what is good, and beautiful, and peaceful

don’t ask me to explain
how God really saves Man
or what the sky is like

shall we define our fears?
love is the source of moving without thought
and hate is done with more thought than time can master


there and when

stay calm cool and collected
know what you want
medicine is supposed to bring health
or make you live longer
learning things should foster happiness

there is no joy without sorrow
no relief without pain
living is to render the differences grand

instead of naming 10,000 mental DIS-orders
wouldn’t it make more sense to name ONE ORDER?
describe that perfect creature
and then kill it….

what makes me happy is to smell the rain,
not dance in it
what makes me sad is our multitude of cheaters,
not the rules of the game

what makes me worried is smiles that were fake
not the scorn that was very real

what decides i take a fall
is the same thing that convinced me i have wings

and i left so many people
…..better off

fate is nothing that can’t be bartered-with

stay calm. cool. and collect experience.
know what you want
catalog the lackings
how much of that is things?
or is the greater number of wants
to make changes in self

to be that better person
because reputation is everything

what is strength without compassion?
what is ambition without reasoning…

what kind of a prison is ritual
does comfort of the body happen
without comfort of the mind

does God listen to dreams as we sleep?
does action mean more than plans

does silence whisper of understanding
or does it speak volumes of emotion

not a child
never a child
spirit has always been the same age
since the day my eyes opened
on the here

you cross it with now
somewhere over the last rainbow you catch the first train
what is mighty
power and might
so might is different than power
those who oppress
step on the weak
or is might a type of talent

have you ever noticed your breath?
your world is in you

you are not in your world
just seems that way

put the heads together!
rules of physics based on what we see
now on what we don’t see
but until minds see other
than the expected pattern
the fool will find what he expects to find
it is all a wonderment

all the concept
now remember to smile pretty
don’t speak unless you’re spoken-to
find a hole
and decide there are better rocks on
the other side of a green fence

it’s better to let the day wash over you
find a piece of humanity
on the inside of intentions

people can rise up in hate
but then they are no longer people




center spoke

it’s Monday
don’t forget to smile
about how time doesn’t really circle
and how you are NOT trapped on some ferris wheel
where the same rotten day
just keeps happening over
and over
…..and over

it’s Monday, but it’s not,
for me today is roughly the
one-hundred and eighty-four thousandth and first
day of my life

suppose that’s not too bad
the best were when i loved

and forgot myself



flat drift

remember choice
the thing that got you here
from there

the burden
if you think them bad
no one to blame
but self

sometimes i see that ‘other’ life
the one i left
to darkness down
forgotten roads …

respect seems lost there, too
buried next to flowers
never smelled and only picked
to shower graves

yet if you asked me
“where are your regrets?”
i’d say they fell behind
lost on other shores

while time gave destiny its full reprise,
chance was only hope
that tamely danced before my eyes