family keeps ten thousand million things secret,
but if there is anything that absolves them –
they make sure everybody knows it.
i rolled it on my fingers
tightly to a ball
flung it off to find its way
the vacuum will redress my folly
as vacuums often do; where standing
now to find the trash
was more than i could sway
i’ll sit and ponder my defeat
in rising up, all tasks to meet
where once a heart would grasp and play,
beats relegate ambition to other days
and i am left to feel a down
i’ll eat a cheesecake upsidedown
spin and taste the sky for drops
then fall to sleep
and sleep again
he was not that guilty of insanity;
moreso than me, i’m sure.
but still–
i would rather know his shoe size,
or where he found Jesus.
the things that don’t absolve anyone,
the points of a person that were created
to outdistance their source:
sometimes i get more from the expression in an old photograph,
piecing together clues
of infinite detail in their ties.
not enough, i think about the insistence that he was the one that failed;
for you do not blame the fulcrum for failure
of its own tensile strength–that’s just logic. ’tis what
you were using the tool-for; misjudgement!
stupidity …
i look at the other faces, those who have surrounded him,
those who have surrounded me. and i think what deception
we have found in smiles.
under my feet
a cliff that touches the ocean
in sorrow and wasted beckoning
nothing ever for nothing
stored blessings shatter the sky over parched ground
we are not so different
(you and i — girth and patriotism)
only that i make sure the earth
settles
whatever depth this hurt finds
none shall pass
a million thousand years
these hands
will work
in sorrow, tears
i’ll touch the last
remind the best and you that was the point;
the ever-blighted indiscretion
to draw out need
for need is all we serve
the ends will justify the other ends
Funny how things always look different from outside a family than from inside it. Funny how sometimes it’s better (and easier) to just let the preconceived notions stand instead of correcting the misconceptions. Is that red line thin? I think it is. And yet, for everything that has already passed, there is no absolute knowing exactly what the cause or motivation of a particular act might have been (the means) so we can only judge by the ends.
can only justify inside the ends …. on the way, you minimize the damage and pray that being sure of yourself isn’t a sign of deterioration into madness.
lol …..the red line, the bottom line that is in red ….. in debt. sort of where was going, though titles are open for interpretation as in wide. we do get stretched, stretched thin and hoping that by some miracle (which we know that doesn’t exist) …. still crossing fingers that stretched thin is somehow stronger than not. eh ….. family is what we are born to rebuke, i think. how many ways you do it proves something. but i’m not sure WHAT. :)