Creating like inadequacies

You’re angry
I don’t know

You’re looking for the down in me
You’re hoping to see despair
That is fixable
With a cherry soda and a graveyard pop

But if I told you what I see
Of your own
Do you have any idea how I wish
What I see was fixable?
How I want your voice to come down

Lowered to the level of practical existence
Refined to the pitch that offers a steady beat
I want to see your pulse
In your breathing

You’re excited to find a weakness
I have never seen you so happy as when
You believe
Worlds are watching me fall

But that is just the way of the wild
Girlie wisdom butting heads
Like the goats we tend to be
An eldest pays her price

I want to find a way to make you more secure
To make you comprehend
That your up is not my down
If I told you who you are
Would you even listen?

You hope that I am wrong in all I see
That I can be convinced I don’t understand
The various depths of betrayal
You would think I trust your eyes over my own
When the point is
Why am I not allowed to see what I see?

You feel alone
Like love abandoned you
After all
Time chose friendship over freedom

She lords it over you
And makes you want to scream and punch the walls
Because she will never give you leadership
No matter how perfectly sculpted you have made your life
No matter how deftly the hollow rings

Others’ worldly belief
Falls on ears waiting for an attack
So instead of following the logic
You take the defense

Unless it is already a part of pop culture
The one-way mind of eager sheep

So I have to blend the two with you
Making correlations evident
Between my conclusion and the
Entire rest of this bloody world

In order for something to be right with you
It has to be accepted by the general populace

Not born from any smooth deduction
Despite the fact
That 90 percent of this all-knowing body
Have a lower IQ than me

You think a smile makes it all better
Even though a 2 year old could see that it’s a tight smile
Twisted into some sort of
Stupid belief that you can lie your way out of anything

So the smile and fake happiness not only
Hurt
Someone that cares because they don’t want to be seen
As the enemy
It also insults the crap out of anybody with half a bucket of soup
honestly
What heart could be cold enough
to believe your parade of masks?

I know what you’re dealing with
You make sure I know what you’re dealing with
By how far your eyes flit from side to side
You offer pain and worry

Hopeless agitation
Worlds of unrest
And galaxies of warm regrets

And it’s all my fault

I bought the fashion magazines
that made appearance seem key
Worshiping pages of glossy smiles
I would trick and play on your innocence
Making you seek shelter
In a deeper and thicker shell

I would claim every first
Leaving you with nothing but a dollar sign
Touching each dip in your horizon
I would take what I wanted
And cheat my way
Into justifying every dream


It was I it was me
That showed you how to throw it all away
How to not care
Walls that force the steamy eye
To pierce blazing avenues in quiet clouds

And so I must

I don’t know how to stop
The one-upping of our childhood careers
I don’t know how to make this not a contest

Life is sharing
And it will start with “hello”
End with “I love you”
And pray for understanding somewhere in the middle

that never quite arrives


8 thoughts on “Creating like inadequacies

  1. Your conclusion is so true for so many — the “understanding” part that just doesn’t seem to happen so much of the time. And the artwork really complements the words. The twists and turns and ups and downs — Brilliant both really.

    Barb

    • you know don’t do this type of write too often…..needed to sort things out and wasn’t sure about sharing this. is almost too personal to allow others to relate…..though yea, i think a lot has to do with understanding and how far a person can walk in your shoes….

  2. I love to two parallel lines of images in the artwork…I clearly see it…one bold and out there, ,the other, more interesting, but subdued…the message comes clear in the poem, too…

    • hey good you can see that…..on this one did work the art piece after the write. was actually rather difficult to pull anything out of this one, and almost trashed it altogether.

    • well…..i made my decision, after this last visit from my sister, that i am better off to not have her as part of my life. was a hard choice….but the last time we talked on the phone, she asked me three times if i was taking my medication.

      and it’s not like i was “speed talking” or out of it in any way…..and it’s hard always having someone sitting there judging and watching….almost hoping that you will break down.

      she was always jealous and i’m tired of the stupidity…..

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