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rungs wringing of respect

Saturday
i am just now getting my coffee
3 o’clock???
wow i was more tired than i thought
yet most was tossing and turning
stretching the back
trying to find a way to silence
pain

i want to examine why
others see me differently
than i see myself
why is that?
i suppose they don’t get the full barrage of my excuses
and i write differently than i speak
because i can THINK while i write
whereas speaking i am processing why that person’s
face is not responding as i expected
how do i misjudge so many things?

it’s Saturday
and i’m just now having my coffee
day ahead of me
stomp over head
back and forth the man sees his home
as a prison
but i never paced
even in a cell with bars

*flinch from a particularly big boom*
how does life get to you?
it only leaves me with wonder

coffee is getting cold
time to sit and contemplate the world…
adults to my child were very hard to get over
we had very big adults

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(they saw the world wars and
didn’t blink an eye at the thought of nuclear annihilation)
it never gave me confidence
how do you tell them that bravado only works on the ignorant?
i think more on those sort of things
i remember more
read a lot of books
some see me as going too fast in the wrong direction
or i did before psychiatry made a playground out of my head…

some see me as a creature that panics
some don’t understand real reactions
singular reactive states
predictability is the way they love their mornings

Saturday of all Saturdays
the proverbial coffee
only a drink
can somehow sum up our lives …
does anyone have it easy?

but you see, I’ve got Stomp overhead
and I’ve got to deal with the fact
that i know exactly where you’re coming-from

but i love me, anyway

(you’d be surprised how little it takes)

*has sip of coffee and walks offstage*

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Windows XP; dead of unnatural causes

my first real computer – since hand-me-downs don’t count. the windows XP machine is being very difficult to get back into shape. service pack 3 somehow killed it, and still i feel am no closer to a solution.

i read about failing hard drives, failing power supplies. but that doesn’t explain that when i install a copy of windows 8 to a partition of the hard drive, that fixes the boot problems. otherwise you go to boot her, and sometimes the screen doesn’t come on at all. so you have to restart it. sometimes power button doesn’t come on at all — so you have to restart it. or sometimes it boots into Windows XP and restarts itself.

whether using the built-in graphics, or the ATI graphics card, seems to make no difference. whether are running Windows or Linux Ubuntu — same boot problems occur.

so far i’m pretty sure that it is a firmware/software issue, though. because if not, then why would the start up be fine if Windows 8 is installed alongside Windows XP? i can’t figure out how to read the XP dump files … am not going to pay for a program just to tell me what MIGHT have happened to make the Windows XP crash. and it isn’t just the crashing, it’s the entire instability of the system that happened when Service Pack three first cam out and i installed it on the Emachine.

and i’m not alone … have read many reports of the same thing. so Windows put out updates that crippled lord knows how many thousands of machines, and then were able to say “so sorry, support time for XP has run out.”

is on the sad side. thing is, since i don’t have a copy of the original XP install, and only have the recovery partition — it is not doing a complete fresh reinstall when i run the recovery. which is strange when it takes that long to perform a recovery, you would think it was doing more than just setting it back a bit, but keeping all the inner workings the same. i KNOW it is keeping much the same after a recovery, because i can disable a random service — and it will show up as still disabled in the supposedly “factory set” version of the OS. all it does is reinstall all the bloatware, which then i have to go through and uninstall again.

you don’t want to know how many times i have had to do that over the last few weeks.

have recovery disks i made gosh how many years ago — so might try those next. i would install and keep the Windows 8 partition, except that the OS i’m using is a preview version and Windows 8 is not supposed to be able to install on this particular machine. even though it can. and even though i can install the beta version of 8, that doesn’t seem to be a practical long term solution.

I’ve flashed the Bios several times with the one Bios update found on the maker’s website, but that update was created not long after the release of computer itself, and well before the release of XP service pack 3. after the countless hours spent trying to get my poor old XP machine back up to snuff, it feels like insult onto injury to have to throw in the towel. and i don’t really NEED it, have my newer computer with brand new copy of Windows 8.1 on it. but why should my old XP computer have to die?

lost my cat, dang it all. do i have to lose the computer, too?

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