to be saved

there are days i wish i didn’t exist on this planet….and then there are days i will wonder why the planet itself is even here.

life hasn’t treated me very well, so i tend to be an asshole most of the time. am not looking for romance, so knock on someone else’s door if you are shopping for replacement parts for your “american dream.”

you live long enough, you realize there is no such thing, except in people’s minds…..where most of the damage happens.

i believe in reality and preaching reality…..if you haven’t experienced it from your own senses, and conducted your own investigation with your own honestly-backed conclusions…..don’t preach it. if you can’t explain WHY…..don’t be saying WHAT…..

i am not human…..am some sort of cyborg designed by the mental health authority. life has been very special…..hope yours has been truly wonderful, whoever you are. that your days take you into remembrances that blossom on the walls of eternity. and that you cling to more than what’s “right”….that you grasp the bowels of what’s REAL….what’s grainy….what slaps you in the face, and calls you home…..

yours truly,

eebrinker

Blink

Silly Humans

The argument is made
That looking at the stars
We are seeing light from thousands of years ago
And if they, too
Are looking at us,
They are seeing light from thousands of years ago
So that proves that space and time have
Some inexplicable correlation
Well, number one
that is making the assumption that vision could beat
the speed of light by a factor of the distance
and number two

the biggest flaw that should be readily apparent
is the process of laboring under the delusion
That perception creates reality
Rather than reality
Creating perception

You think because you SEE the light of a star from thousands of years
Ago
That somehow “changes” the time in which they operate?
When all it is
Is your recording equipment
Your thing we call vision
Is working on a delayed reaction

Silly humans

And that perception does not create a change
In the fabric of time
Time is the same in all planes
And all dimensions
Its increments only relative
To the subjective nature of your own soul

But speeding it up
Or slowing it down
Going back in time
Or forward
Or even sideways…
Are all dreams
All a manifestation of eager minds
For destruction

For without a solidity and constant tune to the beat of time
It would all unravel like a cheaply knitted scarf
Found on the sale racks at Walmart

I call it the zipper effect
And we would be popping in and out
Of different periods of our life
Some overlapping
Where we would see ourselves
Hurry around the corner to be hit by a car
And then watch powerless
As we did so again
Into a mass of infinity if the door does not close

No

Time is like god
It is either here and all is well
Or it is not
And all is a chaotic pile of shit

And it bodes no well to believe in piles of shit
Because faith is something that needs to be woven
Into the fabric of who you intend to be

Right or wrong
Stupid or smart
It is better living your life today
Knowing tomorrow
Stays where it is

Silly humans

Worlds would smile on the fallacy
If it weren’t so sadly daunting
Look at the birth of sky and realize that light
Is forever old
But then again
So is the rock upon which you stand
And the soil sprouting its grass
Born yesterday…..and never

Man’s place in all things:
One hair’s breath off from center
and One nickel short of prime

I’M A PC: how in touch is your Mac?

funny how there is a strange belief in humans, that the more you pay for something, the better it is. take the fact that to buy a Mac, it costs quite a bit more than one of the various brands of Microsoft-compliant hardware distributors.

does Mac know this, and KEEP their products circling around the deeper end of the pool? you bet your arse they do…..it’s all part of the illusion. of course, you have to pay for all that advertising, too. but higher retail price for Mac products makes it more attractive for our very strange american-version of reality.

and it’s not necessarily, that if you pay more for something, that they BELIEVE it to be better. but it does prove that they COULD pay more for something….and i find it semi-laughable. like my brother in law, that had incredible amounts of PC equipment and software, and simply had to “have a Mac” …..and all the expense that includes.

and it’s for the “snobbery factor”…..not because Mac is any better. either that, or you are SUCH an a-hole that it terrifies you to think others might get even by sending you a virus. but how tough IS that? buy a backup drive for retail $99 verses $5000 or whatever to switch over to a Mac system.

but then you couldn’t sit there and consider yourself “above” the crowd. and that’s what it’s about….which you have to give Mac kudos for playing those insecurities to their profit.

i like WINDOWS.

you want to know why?

was having trouble with my iPod….and went searching for some help at the Apple site. and i spent a good hour of my time, farting around there trying to find SOME way to contact them. as far as i can tell, they have absolutely no method or way to ask for individual help with their product. either that, or they hide it so damn well, that i couldn’t find it.

and they falsely advertised that their “quicktime Pro” would convert your video files to iPod format….and it doesn’t. and i payed $40 for that information.

put that up against windows……that has a simple and evident way to contact them, and a service representative that is courteous and helpful…..and there’s no contest.

i don’t give a rat’s ass how wonderful Apple thinks they are……i don’t care how SPECIAL you think you are, for being stupid enough to spend that much money….

if a business does NOT maintain GOOD STANDARDS OF CUSTOMER RELATIONS….if they are so arrogant, that they work to be the brick wall of a building, rather than a human FACE…..they need to go down. i don’t care how many wealthy clients they have….i don’t care how good they think their product is. that is NOT how you do business. not here in america, it’s not….

on the need for negative self talk

well i didn’t mean to minimize your direction…..and very good point on the “Ego cage”…..sometimes the very thing that we think is our way out, is our way in.

i understand the theories of smelling the rose, for instance…in the field of trash. but if your neighbor is coughing and choking from the smell of trash…..you don’t tell them to shut up, because they should be seeing the rose because that is what you are doing because that is the “positive” thing and you are “right” and everybody just needs to do as you do because it’s right and positive. (world of opposites….have spoken in detail on that before and its convenience. ) have seen too many put down honest feelings as “being too negative.” i get that happiness is subjective……..but then why telling others they need to be happy? why are they concerned…..because a gloomy gus will pull down those around you. and people don’t want to carry any weight of others. we live in a time now that constantly coaches us to not feel for our fellow man(woman). and i see the “happy police” as a manifestation of that.

if the reason for pushing “happy thoughts” is a true wish for other’s well-being…..since happiness is subjective, how can you even know if or how the same methods that work for you will work for them?

yes, there is a real problem of the downward spiral…..but we are missing the friggin point over and over. ALLOW PEOPLE THEIR FEELINGS. you have to let others feel the way they feel…..or else then they learn all the wonderful ways of “living in a bubble” simply to please. my one huge beef with the whole “mental health” arena is the SUBJECTIVE manner in which others take on the authority to tell me HOW i am supposed to FEEL. that’s just about one of the more retarded things i’ve come across. and it gets pretty hilarious…..when from their SUBJECTIVE point of view, they believe i should be thanking them and feeling grateful for what they are doing. at least guards at a prison are not so deluded as to their own roles…..(and yes, i am friggin stuck on sticking it to mental health….maybe that will run down if they learn to let me be….but has given me room for some insight.)

here’s the thing…. if someone is on a downward spiral of sorrow or what we like to call depression……let them. what am saying is, hug and say you understand…..don’t punch on the shoulder and tell them to snap out of it. something like that.

but why it raised a flag for me……i know exactly where you are coming from. hope you got that….i KNOW the realizations you are speaking on. you come to a point where things come up that we can’t change…..or that are harder to work the changes because age sucks……and then you realize that if you want the strength to get your ass up out of bed in the morning, you are going to have to find another way to look at things.

i get that……and also understand the methodology. but see…..it can work for you because you SEE more…..you have a better grasp on the bigger pictures. but for some…..i do believe that simply generating “positive self-talk” could be harmful to an extent. like the person cowering on the floor, rocking themselves back and forth saying over and over “it’s just another day…..it’s just another day” or “tomorrow will be better” or “don’t worry be happy don’t worry be happy don’t worry be happy” MEANWHILE…..they have just experienced a giant earthquake, the roof is falling in all around them… their survival counts on them moving, and their priority is sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth and telling themselves to be happy.

you see……those of us been round the block a few times…..we know when it comes down to something we can’t change. but for those that have never tried changing anything…..or seldom do…..they don’t have the measure. so it’s a dangerous philosophy to exhort……not saying it’s false. but has the same inherent flaw of the serenity prayer. it’s not wisdom….it’s patience. and change is not the goal….change is the means. so we’ve messed people all kinds of upwards sideways with that one. look what it did with this last election…..

and i thank you for getting me to think on these issues, too…….it’s like having a fellow philosophy student to banter ideas back and forth! really am super sorry if i take on a …..well, rather “know it all” air. of late that seems to be my modus operandi and i’m not sure why.

i guess we’re sort of debating, but it’s the good kind. not a lot of people can do that…..and on real issues. it makes me smile inside…..and hope you picked up on me saying happiness is not “subjective.” one’s understanding of happiness might be subjective AND objective…..or it might be more subjective than objective. using “subjective” in the way that you did is a product of the “spin business”…..happiness is NOT subjective. there is no such thing…..the word is being used incorrectly. and in that form, does not leave room for one to say no, and that’s why they did that and created the use of that word for a spin….because the understanding put to the term “happiness” might indeed work on a more subjective level….but the fact that we are speaking of it on the same terms and definition….proves that there is also a very objective element.

so it’s sort of like saying “we can’t talk about happiness” while we are talking about happiness….it doesn’t make sense. you can’t say just anything is subjective ….for one thing, it’s never ALL subjective or all objective…..and for another, the only thing that is subjective and objective is perception. happiness is not subjective….YOU might be more subjective in your perception, while i might be more objective. or could be the other way around. but happiness itself is neither. it is the element being studied….it is the THING….not the thing AND the lens. they do that for a reason….don’t fall into it. being able to make an objective verses a subjective observation has to do with a person’s ability to “step back” in order to take a look at things. it’s a scientific approach. has nothing to do with the thing itself, and crowning something subjective is simply a ploy used within rhetoric to try to indicate that a subject changes too much according to a personal nature of comprehension. but no duh….everything does… that’s not the issue, and doesn’t mean we can’t sit and work to define it. i for one would like to know what happiness is….and didn’t charles schultz do a whole number on “happiness is…..” with “a warm puppy” being one of them. are you going to say that all his observations on that are useless….because happiness can only be subjectively viewed?

now that i’m done beating a dead horse, WHILE getting on my hi horse again…..lol. take it as a compliment? i know you know i know you will get it…..*big grins* plus i have this really infantile need to feel smart…. and am just smart enough to know it….i’ll shut up now….well, not yet. like i said….don’t find your philosophy on the blog false. simply think it is dangerous, and better overall to employ a reality-based pragmatic view. like i agree that a person can sit and say “at least i’m not starving and sitting in cow dung”….but then THAT is asserting the philosophy that the AMOUNT of OTHER’S sorrow is what determines the AMOUNT of your joy–that there is some sort of implied contrast. when that is simply their life, and yours is simply yours. and there is no such thing as one being better than the other. we might BELIEVE we are better off….but i could sit and make arguments that you’re not. so in rejecting that philosophy…..we come back down to attitude, and what that entails. and it’s a big question.

and i honestly don’t have any canned answers……but i do have this: the moments i have found in life to hold what i would call “true joy” were ones that i, my being, my lifeforce and trajectory….did NOT create. those moments found me….i did NOT find THEM. and so i would be hesitant upon advising ANYONE upon how to “find” happiness. i don’t think it is something we should stop looking for….but have lived long enough to know that you don’t “find it”….it finds you. and positive self-talk is a good thing….but do you have any idea how many people don’t even realize they have self-talk? lol….and for myself if the self talk seems to be cavorting around that which would bring me down or morose…..then, for whatever reason my being has decided it needs those feelings. i don’t know why….maybe i tell myself i have a fat tummy because i want to understand what heartache this one other myspace friend feels for being even more over-weight than me. i want to find the “key” of that down….to combat it. one day when i was walking on the hueneme pier with a friend. she and i are both pretty far from “swimsuit model thin.” and somebody looked at us weird or something, and she got this look on her face like….like crashing worlds. so i started strutting…lol…..and i looked at her to join me, and i said “WE are REAL women” i practically shouted it, and she laughed while she joined me as we strutted down the pier. THAT was a moment of joy…..and it found me. and then i got to watch the world change….from “thin is in” to “love what you got.”

so anyway…..not sure what am trying to say at this point. guess am saying that i didn’t see the sorrow on my friend’s face, and decide i needed to tell her that she needed to be telling herself she was beautiful. then i would not ONLY be agreeing that the world calls her fat, but at the same time telling her that her hurt feelings are her own dang fault for not having the right attitude. and i just can’t see that. basically…..fuck that noise. the source is legit….the feelings are legit. i will oppose a source, but i will not oppose someone’s just feelings. heck, will not oppose someone’s feelings period. and that is why i think it is wrong to be telling others they need to turn their self-talk around to what is “positive” to make them “happy.” what you are actually doing, is making a judgment that anyone who doesn’t have positive self-talk, is a person that doesn’t want to be happy. and that is ignoring the purpose behind negative self-talk. if it did not have a place, did not have a purpose, it wouldn’t be here. we think we can PLAY GOD….create a human that does not employ “negative self-talk” and they will “be a better model.” it doesn’t work that way…..you build from the ground up….not from the top down. negative self talk is not a symptom and not a disease….it’s a foundation for understanding. you go on vacation….lie on the beach in the tropics, and then say everybody should be leaving their jobs and lying on the beach. it doesn’t work that way. and all it does is make me angry….because i’m all kinds of happy for you that you discovered you could tell yourself all is good and that made it good. but THEN we have the following logic…..that every time you tell yourself it’s bad, that MAKES it bad. and it sounds possible, with the philosophies fed us in current media….but IT IS NOT TRUE. if you spill a glass of milk…..what is the bad dependent upon? 9 times out of ten…it’s dependent on OTHER PEOPLE’S reaction….not your own. it BECOMES bad because you get yelled at….and then as an adult, we find ourselves with “negative self-talk” …. basically yelling at ourselves for spilling the milk, because now the wood of the table is in danger of being ruined and so on and so on…….which is the way life gives us to FORGIVE that person that yelled at us and made us hurt for spilling milk. and yes, at some point we are done forgiving quite a lot….and it becomes time to say fuck the table and fuck the milk and fuck the god damn glass that was only half fucking full to begin with! but if that philosophy is picked up by youth, we will have a bunch of non-forgiving assholes on our hands. and guess what….

on that note i’ll exit…..have written way too much here…..and basically a thesis. i think i came to an interesting conclusion, and one factor that has been bothering me for awhile now….so thank you….

next time dig a deeper hole

How do you know what love is
When every bit
While growing up
Or deciding to grow up

Every damn bit was a reality of disdain
Iced by complaint

And what love is never happened
Oh no
And my heart could scream
Rage at the skies the darkness the empty horizons

My throat sits at the back of my nose
And all I can feel is the taste of that bitter reality

That I am disliked
And have been forever and ever
Since the beginning
Since my eyes opened on this world
And said hi to the day
The storms
The drops of rain on smooth dandelions

Why I left and went off
To be alone
Because by god
Why should one stay where not wanted
Why should one make a burden
Out of mere presence

And it’s the embarrassment that hits my head like a million stars
The fact that I was too trusting and holding and caring
And oh god
The spell could rupture my tongue

Like that day
Before Christmas when I got all the girls
I thought my friends

Presents

Picked out and pretty
So pretty I remember one to the exact

View

And nobody got me anything
Not a one
They gave gifts to each other
And left me out

I think I was ten
And I don’t remember if I cried
But I cry now

I cry now

Because never wanted to see
Left it swallowed and alone in the pit
Of time
Of brandished existence

Betrayal
Betrayal
Betrayal

The reality of simply being hated
Not liked
Not likable
All these ones I thought
Oh…..I thought on it

And remember when he was taking my SON
My SON!!!!
And they stood by
Denying me everything I ever fought for
Everything

That’s why I go insane sometimes
Because I bury that truth

I bury it and lie to myself
Cover it in the dirt of shattered tears
Scooped and paved
To make way for something that doesn’t leave my heart burning
Breaking
Rupturing to its beat

You stood by and watched my world torn apart
Applauding your mastery

There are no words to explain how much I realized
And how it’s ok
I get it

You hated me before I gave rise to even understand

When mi-me had her babies
Out in the cold
The rain

One of them died….so I took it
And buried the still dog

But then mi-me took the only one that looked like it
And buried it
The live pup

So I rescued it and washed it off
Sand and dirt running into the sink
And I tried to give the pup back to her

But she just scooped dirt over it again

And I think I’m like that pup
People just hate me for no reason
Or one I can’t see
Just don’t like me to the point of
WANTING
ACHING
NEEDING
To see me destroyed

I don’t know why
I don’t know why (but it’s true, I swear on my iPod)

Danger sits on my throat
Like the lumps of cancer
The world of ambiance

It takes me backwards and forwards
And here I look at my face
My stretched lips
Keeping the heart from screaming into the night

You can’t take not-caring back
You just can’t

The reality is set in stone
A foundation I didn’t ask for
You all stood by

Stood by

They took my son
And you let them

There is no forgiveness….not now
Not ever

Some day I will find a reason to not bury these tears
You created
Not your fault after all
I’m just the dog that got buried

the pup with the stink of death
The stink

You treated me the only way you could
It always hurt
And you think you treat me that way because I used drugs

But I used drugs because you treated me that way

And I BEAT crystal meth
I BEAT pot
I BEAT alcohol
I BEAT even cigarettes

And you can’t say the same
I don’t want your acknowledgment for my strength
You can’t give back
The time you levied hate

I don’t cry because I feel sorry for me
I cry because I am devastated
The love wasted
The backing and caring and dear god!
The time spent caring

What I gave hurts now
It swirls in my stomach
Like when I gave those gifts to those girls
I wonder why god placed me in such a world
And I look out

And stand alone
In One troubled shadow ………

Bowing strength

I look for forever
And forever looks back

You see
I timed it just right
And the only thing I feel for you now is pity
Loads and loads
Of pity…..dropped on your sheltered islands

You had love and didn’t even see it
Didn’t recognize it
Because for you

Love is disdain
Iced by complaint
Love is that lost look you get in your eyes
When you see a mirror
When I rise up and tell you

It doesn’t matter
Because I lived anyway

i held the dark and the dark never says good-bye

waking up from the american dream

for the same reason that women get in and out of the bathroom, while men will sit for an hour with the paper…..

has to do with entitlement. no it’s not equal……but we don’t even see. men will talk about “helping” with the dishes….”helping” with the housework…..and that is supposed to be good, right? but that implies that it isn’t their responsibility at all in the first place. a CHILD helps…..so even good intentions are but digging a deeper grave into the soil of inequalities.

yep, men get to rest up and take care of themselves, because men as being dominant, have managed to delegate every bit of “repetitive, sustaining chores” into the domain of women. and they are good at telling you “let me HELP you….”…..they are good at enforcing the roles, because they don’t want to be in charge of the day to day shit. so women can’t rest….hell, they can’t even spend an extra 2 minutes for a decent crap.

and even seeing that….doesn’t change the reality of the roles. i have watched, as men will purposely screw up a chore over and over, just so that you will take over and not ask them to do it ever again. and what about this “asking?” again….that is a ploy to indicate that certain tasks belong to women. and they are the crappy tasks….the everyday tasks that HAVE to be done.

and it’s not changing anytime soon, because men don’t want it to change. they have a sweet gig, why disturb that?

i had a single mom friend once, that told me how she got so sick she couldn’t get off the couch, and that her 3 and 4 year old had to forage for themselves for food. the fact that she nearly died didn’t bother her….it was the fact that she couldn’t do what was needed, that was more alarming. she didn’t have someone there to “help” her.

would be nice, if there was some sort of change or compromise. but there are the strong and the weak….and the weak will get the shit jobs, while the strong stay in bed when they are sick. i don’t mean this in a mean way….it’s just that that is how the ball bounces. you will watch women strive to gain “earning power” …..and STILL not have anything approaching equality at home.

the chores should be split …..according to time and effort, divided by necessity. i always thought it was funny, how my husband decided he did his part by running the lawn mower once a week. one day (when he was sick) i got out the mower, and found out just how damn easy that chore was. hell, it was almost pleasant.

anyway….again, bitching about any of it is not going to help or make changes. it’s about power and those that exercise that power to their advantage. which is simply the way it is….the way things work. that’s the definition of power…..and power will exploit. women are graced with a natural nesting instinct, to fuss around the house. and our male-based society does what it can to turn that into a job description.

so you hit it on the head…..the one main problem with that, is there is no vacation and no sick leave.

again….i’m not trying to be bitter or mean about this. it’s just that’s the way it is….i didn’t create that situation, and am only reporting on the realities. the fact that you wonder if you are crazy for computing a simple fact of observation, shows just how stuck on the roles we get with their built-in lies, while never seeing just how unequal our “world of equality” IS. it’s kind of funny…..convincing women they are equal because we get to vote now….lol. yea, boys…..thanks for yet one more responsibility. when do i get to take a decent shit?

verizon

just hit me how ….. well, strange. verizon has this “hi speed” 3G network………even brags about having the “fastest service.”

so you sign up for it, and then you can’t use it.

they put a cap on the amount of downloading/uploading you can do. now follow me here….

they say the cap is so that people are persuaded not to use it as much, and that keeps the connection faster.

FASTER SO YOU CANNOT USE THE FASTER?

with how they work it, if you stream video or download torrents, you will be going over your limit while getting charged an ABSURD amount……and they freely admit that those charges are not free market, but a matter of penalizing usage.

and fine….i get that they WANT to be able to say they are the fastest network…..but wouldn’t it actually be BETTER for their clients, if they were slower and let those paying for the service to actually USE it?

and i wouldn’t be alarmed, but other companies now, like cricket….are following verizon’s lead on this.

is it only me that sees how retarded their reasoning is?

not having people use service —>makes service faster—–>that is no use and makes no difference—–>because people can’t use service—–>to make service faster.

and i thought dogs were the only ones that liked chasing their tails….

wake up, verizon……your noodle is calling….

strange bedfellows

we get confused, because the only way our “way of life” perceives perceived truth is as some sort of reason to share or bring that truth to others (information).

when we are children, we pick up the blocks, and discover the square peg won’t fit in the round hole.

there is a curiosity that early childhood education considers a way of exploring one’s world…..assembling the reality by touch, sound, and smell….as well as sight. they shove their hands into dirt, to know what dirt FEELS like.

many adults give this up…..they trade in the motivation to explore, for a canned reality. a spoon-fed idea that in large is sponsored by those in power to get more money. now, there is a very “real” quality to perception, that creates a reality based upon CONSENT. and they don’t explore anymore to decide if the reality fed them even makes sense.

and what we are SEEING in our time, this day and age…..is an incredible amount of “consensual belief” that does not make sense. that just plain doesn’t pass the test when running it by your own verifiable conclusions.

when i was a kid…..i didn’t even take my mom’s word for it. she told me not to touch a certain part of the stove, and i touch it anyway when she’s not looking. is too tempting to discover, that nob that looks like a button covering the pilot light. so i burned my finger on that for the first and the last time. lol…..and it was more effective a lesson, than if i had not grasped my curiosity, and fulfilled my knowledge.

later on, when physiology is explaining the manner of reflexes, i’m like heck yea, you pull away darn quick from a fire. but if i had never tried, i would not have that depth to my understanding. so it all works like a weaving of roots that will grow and blossom in places you could never plan.

so yea…..keep asking questions. is that kid part of us that is still exploring and trying to make sense of our world.

you see, the insides keep growing as long as we let them…..and nobody should be afraid of a question. nobody. but it blows the mind how MANY in our world now, do not have their own answers. ALL the answers they have, are ones generated by the collective.

so then you get discouraged, because 99% of the people you ask, are NOT going to THINK….and will simply give you the regurgitated thought they were taught to swallow. and ADULTS….people that should know better, are totally confused on the difference between KNOWLEDGE and INFORMATION.

those are two different things……if you do not KNOW what you are talking about…..you might as well be a programmed walking wikipedia, and more power to ya. INFORMATION is NOT growth….it is not “exploring your world.” we explore our world to know how….

so yes…..definitely, keep asking questions. explore that jungle….cut your own path with your own machete……

whether you clear the way for someone else makes no difference…..you clear the way for you.

don’t believe your answers are not worthwhile unless they are adopted by the collective. information retained by the collective is SLOW….and out of date by the time it hits people’s ability for reasoning. i mean, don’t you hate it when there is finally a news program or show….or song…..on a something you realized 5 years ago or so?

yes….our questioning might take us far into left field……but left field might be where the ball is coming next. the ones who survive are those who adapt to their world….not those who try and make the world adapt to them. reality doesn’t change, and people rarely do…..

you see, socrates somehow managed to exist without a hospital on every block, a school on every corner, and a church in every neighborhood. we are beset by a world telling us what to think…..not showing us how to think.

you put two and two together…..when first learning, we take two blocks and two blocks, and the parents will line them up together, and tell us that particular number is called “four.” but we are so blind in our lives, and so stunted in growth…..that very few understand that “four” is just a name. does calling the corners of a building a number, make it a home? lol….the degree of arrogance through conceived understanding because of “naming” is unreal. the actual concept of putting one thing with another, to create something of a different nature than either…..that is what 2 plus 2 equals 4 means. is it a reality????? or do we laugh, when the child points and says 2 and 2 are still there?

again….it’s information being confused with knowledge. to understand what a circle is….it helps to walk in a circle. not to stare at a circle on a page, and call it a circle because that is what someone told you and expects you to memorize.

our heads are FILLED with names……all of which have absolutely no worth in establishing knowledge, but for the process of relating knowledge to another individual as information.

and you can watch it on TV…..they will say the name of an illness or disease recently “discovered” on the news….and not even explain what makes this “named entity” qualified as worthy of a name. they jump right into the conclusion that you, as the viewer, are to believe all that they relate as sooth.

it’s just all kinds of fucked up…..i don’t know what to make of it. because then people will take that NAME, and pass it to others as if THEY have any knowledge to relate. but they don’t, because the ones they heard it from never gave the “whys” ……and so you can’t ask them questions, because they will just look at you as if you are some kind of crazy for not taking the TV’s word for it….

they will tell you there is this cancer called melanoma…..and that means you should stay out of the sun. but what if you grew up loving the sun? are you supposed to throw away your own observations of enjoyment, because somebody gave a disease a name, and decided upon its CAUSE……all without your presence, input, or observations?

read once that if you have “so many moles” on your body, that means you are going to get skin cancer and die. so i started counting, and counted the number on one arm, looked…and i wasn’t dead. i started counting on my grandma, and it was more like that many in one square inch. she lived to 105.

so according to my information, they are full of shit. and that’s just an example, of what our society does to convince and make “true” a reality simply by naming it. you can watch them name something like the swine flu business now….and i’m busy asking why in hell are they naming a flu, when the flu is the fucking flu…..have we really become this anal?

and the answer, is apparently yes……and i am almost at my limit for fitting any more names into my head, while still being able to think effectively. it’s too much…..

like man heard from god that he got to name the animals (that’s in genisus) and he just kept naming!!!!!!! lol….is taking lenses and all manner of invention…..to look for smaller and smaller particles….to name!!!! is creating “things” like diseases and pharmacology….to name! yes, if there is a “named consensus” one can pool thought…..but that’s not what they are doing with it. they are using all those names to pretend they know what they are talking about. and most have absolutely no clue, and the most they are proving is that they are very adept at memorizing and naming things.

i’m tired……it’s not like anybody’s going to “get” what i’m saying.

you just have to see……that ALL this existed before man named it. and it was called “that thing over there.” what about it? oh, it has a name? that’s nice…..what the fuck does it do? and again now, why should i care?

oh…..because cigarettes will give me cancer and kill me? well, at that point i guess i’ll be dead, so it doesn’t matter. and i just LOVE how you can sit there with some sort of God-like augury, and predict the future of how i will die. makes me want to step in front of a bus to prove you wrong. bloody idiots. all that is is a form of SOOTHSAYING that is being masked by ….by what. not science, but a “belief” in science as some sort of herald of fact, rather than a possibility to personally investigate. and then it is being used as an EXCUSE to assume power and some sort of right, to be telling perfect strangers “what is good for them.”

i mean…..it couldn’t get any more ridiculous……and ALL is accepted by the status quo….it’s all accepted as some sort correct manner of existence. you feel within your rights to tell me to get out of the sun. WTF???? but people are doing it…..using their shitty realities that were fed them, as an excuse to play at having power over others……i don’t know what to do with them. because if they think telling a person how they will die is CORRECT…..i don’t know what chance any of it has. when doing that, becomes “socially necessitated” ….i don’t know what to do with them.

because what they are being TAUGHT….is to tell others to STOP EXPLORING and stop thinking. this is what is happening, and why it’s a problem. to be correct now, you are expected to take all at their word, and quit exploring your own world. how fucking boring…..

THEY have already decided for you what they want your reality to be……and they don’t want you exploring, because you’re going to find out it’s different. or that things don’t mesh up…..and then we are left with just thinking we are crazy, when it’s the ones that are following like sheep that are insane losers…..all stamped approved by their society.

so i don’t have the answers on how to make the whole better……from what i can tell, it’s a lost cause. there’s too many, and it’s spreading exponentially. but keep asking the questions, and let yourself grow. don’t ever stop growing inside, and you will never reach your potential, you will never reach anything, because there is NO end….what you will reach, what you will live…..

is you

aches for freedom

free choice is probably a misnomer…..rarely does anyone “get” to choose. when in the grocery store the other day, i went to pick out shampoo and conditioner. i picked one bottle because i liked the color, and another because it had “new!” on it……and i did the absolute “no-no” of not matching what type it is to my “hair type” and not getting the shampoo and conditioner that were supposed to go together. and the world didn’t end…..cracks and fissures didn’t open up in the floor, with products bouncing off shelves to bury one in a heap of consumer crunchies.

and thing is, it dawned on me how so many of our “choices” are “pre-determined.” and to a much larger degree and greater extent than merely selecting shampoos. see, we do this thing, that IF you are THIS TYPE of person….then you choose that or that. we take away any real sense of choice…..and why do you think so many become frustrated and disenchanted? they aren’t given REAL choices. everyone is expected to fit into their mold.

someday we should make that stop…..but the commercial retail markets promote and push to keep that ideology strong and stronger. if you are a man that wants to wear a tie dye shirt…..that will make people assume things regarding who you are. nobody gets, that maybe you chose that because you like it, not because it MEANS something. same with cars….the food we eat….every single drop of money we spend….has been formatted to become some sort of indicator to WHO YOU ARE.

and nobody seems to understand that they get to choose what they want…..they allow themselves to be limited by what society deems appropriate for the “image” they want to pull off.

then you get to be forty something, and realize everything you’ve worked to be has been based on a choice by SOMEONE IN POWER, rather than you. and you wish you could get it back…..but they robbed your time, your youth, for the sake of making you into someone that supports a certain form of existence.

we DO have free will…..just seldom exercise it. and what you don’t use, you lose…..